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Young Writers Society



Eventually Falling

by Chevy


I'm climbing the ladder,
Finally reaching the top,
I'm afraid to look down,
So I can see who's watching.

The crowd cheers me on,
They love what they see,
It's me they're looking at--
Climbing to success.

It wasn't long ago,
I was stuck at the bottom,
But now I am free,
Moving up in my life.

I'm now up so high,
So everyone will know,
That I am the one,
Who has made it so far.

I'm not looking down--
I'm just looking up,
No one needs to see
The past left behind.

I'm now at the top,
I'm dare to look down,
To see how far,
I've come in my journey.

I smile to myself,
Destiny I have found,
No one can reach me,
I stand above them all.

Proudly I stand,
Watching competitors,
They try catching up,
Then continue to fall.

I look down again,
They're all still trying,
To make it to the top,
Where I stand watching.

But while I stand high in pride,
I can help but now see,
Someone's making it my way,
Now approaching my place.

I'm now in the shadow,
He stands in the way,
I'm pushed to back,
Eventually falling.

It was like fifteen minutes--
My time at the top.
I had made it so far,
Now I'm falling to the ground.

The crowd watches me fall,
I land right on my stomach.
The crowd turns their backs,
And leave me alone.

Why didn't they catch me?
Weren't they just cheering me on?
I was the one who made it,
And now they've left me alone.

I sit their in shock,
Realizing what happened,
No one really cares,
After you've eventually fallen.


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Mon Mar 10, 2008 2:06 pm
LoveableLittleSock wrote a review...



I'm climbing the ladder,
Finally reaching the top,
I'm afraid to look down,
So I can see who's watching. - "TO see who's watching?"

The crowd cheers me on,
They love what they see,
It's me they're looking at--
Climbing to success.

It wasn't long ago,
I was stuck at the bottom,
But now I am free,
Moving up in my life. - nice connection

I'm now up so high,
So everyone will know,
That I am the one,
Who has made it so far.

I'm not looking down--
I'm just looking up,
No one needs to see
The past left behind.

I'm now at the top,
I'm dare to look down, -- Get rid of "'m"
To see how far,
I've come in my journey.

I smile to myself,
Destiny I have found,
No one can reach me,
I stand above them all.

Proudly I stand,
Watching competitors,
They try catching up,
Then continue to fall.

I look down again,
They're all still trying,
To make it to the top,
Where I stand watching.

But while I stand high in pride,
I can help but now see,
Someone's making it my way,
Now approaching my place.

I'm now in the shadow,
He stands in the way,
I'm pushed to back,
Eventually falling.

It was like fifteen minutes--
My time at the top.
I had made it so far,
Now I'm falling to the ground.

The crowd watches me fall,
I land right on my stomach.
The crowd turns their backs,
And leave me alone.

Why didn't they catch me?
Weren't they just cheering me on?
I was the one who made it,
And now they've left me alone.

I sit their in shock,
Realizing what happened,
No one really cares,
After you've eventually fallen.


Wow. That proves such a point in life. I love this poem now. I hope it gets framed in 5 billion peopls houses and they point to it everyday and say,
"That poem? That poem right there?
Its cool. That is a COOL poem."
Because it is.
I don't know if you made some typos along the way, so thats why I made those little tiny comments and all.
I liked this poem a lot!
KEEP WRITING!




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488 Reviews

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Sun Jan 02, 2005 10:37 pm
Meshugenah wrote a review...



The crowd watches me fall,
I land right on my stomach.
The crowd turns their backs,
And leave me alone.

i would rephrase the last line becuase you end on the same word in the next stanza.
I sit their in shock,
Realizing what happened,
No one really cares,
After you've eventually fallen.

i don't like the eventually.

i agree with nate, the last lines do seem to inturpt the flow of the poem. I reread the last lines, and i think you can help the flow be rephrasing them.

i like it.




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Sun Jan 02, 2005 10:03 pm
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Incandescence wrote a review...



Abstraction is somewhat important in poetry. This seemed to lack most of what I would consider to be "abstraction." Other than the entire metaphor which encapsulated the poem, you lacked vivid imagery. Also, I believe I've told you before, you use "I" in your poetry way too much. It isolates your reader and leaves them with the question: So what? Granted, that too much cohesion with your readers is bad too, just as too much of abstraction, or anything, for that matter, is. I loved the meaning of this poem, and I would strongly urge you to go back and spruce it up. You can make this so much better, I'm sure of it.




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Sat Dec 11, 2004 8:44 pm
Nate wrote a review...



The last line of almost every stanza sounded very awkward. The first three lines of each stanza almost always flowed, but the fourth line almost always interrupted that flow.

I like the concept and how you handled the metaphor. I thought it was done very well, and that ending did come off nice (although it was predictable).

Overall, I liked it. Definitely a worthwhile read and a lesson everyone should take to heart.




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Reviews: 176

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Thu Dec 09, 2004 8:09 pm
Muse says...



I love the last stanza, It really hits you. I love the concept, and you wrote it well. Great job, don't change anything! Well done xx





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