Eventually Falling

Heyy! Don't mind the fact that I am reviewing something from 2004- I get social anxiety. Anyways, Hop here with a review! PLease give me some grace as for I am not that good at reviewing and the fact that this is just mostly me yapping. Oh well, you aren't even active anymore.

This poem is raw and emotional and it captures the rise and fall of ambition in a way that feels personal and painful. It starts with hope. The climb. The crowd cheering. That feeling of finally being seen. The speaker is proud and excited and maybe even a little overwhelmed by the attention. They’ve come a long way and they want to hold onto that moment at the top.

But there’s tension underneath. The fear of looking down. The refusal to acknowledge the past. The idea that success means leaving everything behind. That’s where the cracks start to show. The speaker is trying to stay focused on the climb but there’s already a shadow forming.

Then the shift happens. Someone else starts climbing. The speaker is no longer alone. And instead of sharing the space they’re pushed aside. That line about fifteen minutes is brutal. It’s short and casual and it perfectly captures how fast everything can change. One moment you’re celebrated and the next you’re forgotten.

The fall is hard. The crowd that once cheered now turns their backs. The speaker lands face down and no one helps. That part hurts. The questions that follow are the real gut punches. Why didn’t they catch me. Weren’t they just cheering. It’s not just about falling. It’s about realizing that the support was never real.

The final lines are quiet and devastating. The speaker sits in shock. Alone. Abandoned. And they realize the truth. No one really cares after you’ve fallen. That’s the message. That’s the ache. It’s not just a poem about success. It’s a poem about how people treat you when you’re no longer useful.

This piece is honest and sharp. It doesn’t try to dress up the pain. It just lays it out. The rhythm feels like climbing and falling all at once. It’s emotional. It’s real. And it sticks with you. All in all, I think you did an amazing job. I hope you stayed amazing and kept writing!

Love,
Hop

I'm climbing the ladder,
Finally reaching the top,
I'm afraid to look down,
So I can see who's watching. - "TO see who's watching?"

The crowd cheers me on,
They love what they see,
It's me they're looking at--
Climbing to success.

It wasn't long ago,
I was stuck at the bottom,
But now I am free,
Moving up in my life. - nice connection

I'm now up so high,
So everyone will know,
That I am the one,
Who has made it so far.

I'm not looking down--
I'm just looking up,
No one needs to see
The past left behind.

I'm now at the top,
I'm dare to look down, -- Get rid of "'m"
To see how far,
I've come in my journey.

I smile to myself,
Destiny I have found,
No one can reach me,
I stand above them all.

Proudly I stand,
Watching competitors,
They try catching up,
Then continue to fall.

I look down again,
They're all still trying,
To make it to the top,
Where I stand watching.

But while I stand high in pride,
I can help but now see,
Someone's making it my way,
Now approaching my place.

I'm now in the shadow,
He stands in the way,
I'm pushed to back,
Eventually falling.

It was like fifteen minutes--
My time at the top.
I had made it so far,
Now I'm falling to the ground.

The crowd watches me fall,
I land right on my stomach.
The crowd turns their backs,
And leave me alone.

Why didn't they catch me?
Weren't they just cheering me on?
I was the one who made it,
And now they've left me alone.

I sit their in shock,
Realizing what happened,
No one really cares,
After you've eventually fallen.


Wow. That proves such a point in life. I love this poem now. I hope it gets framed in 5 billion peopls houses and they point to it everyday and say,
"That poem? That poem right there?
Its cool. That is a COOL poem."
Because it is.
I don't know if you made some typos along the way, so thats why I made those little tiny comments and all.
I liked this poem a lot!
KEEP WRITING!

The crowd watches me fall,
I land right on my stomach.
The crowd turns their backs,
And leave me alone.

I sit their in shock,
Realizing what happened,
No one really cares,
After you've eventually fallen.

Abstraction is somewhat important in poetry. This seemed to lack most of what I would consider to be "abstraction." Other than the entire metaphor which encapsulated the poem, you lacked vivid imagery. Also, I believe I've told you before, you use "I" in your poetry way too much. It isolates your reader and leaves them with the question: So what? Granted, that too much cohesion with your readers is bad too, just as too much of abstraction, or anything, for that matter, is. I loved the meaning of this poem, and I would strongly urge you to go back and spruce it up. You can make this so much better, I'm sure of it.

The last line of almost every stanza sounded very awkward. The first three lines of each stanza almost always flowed, but the fourth line almost always interrupted that flow.

I like the concept and how you handled the metaphor. I thought it was done very well, and that ending did come off nice (although it was predictable).

Overall, I liked it. Definitely a worthwhile read and a lesson everyone should take to heart.

I love the last stanza, It really hits you. I love the concept, and you wrote it well. Great job, don't change anything! Well done xx