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Ruined My Life

by Chevy


Why do I do this to myself?
I'm causing myself my own pain.
It's no one's fault except my own.
It was me that put myself here.

I looked into the mirror,
There stood the person to blame,
The person that had been behind it all,
I'm the one who's ruined my life.


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Tue Nov 02, 2010 1:12 am
SilentRain wrote a review...



Hello, I'm Rain, so here is what I have to say:

Why do I do this to myself?
I'm causing myself #FF0000 ">my own pain. #FF0000 "><<I think you can remove this, it make the line akward sounding...
It's no one's fault except my own.
It was me that put myself here.


I think after this stanza, or somewhere, you need to say what it is that you are doing to yourself... Right now all we know is that you are depressed because of something you caused.

I looked into the mirror,
There stood the person to blame, #0000FF "><< These to lines are good, but also somewhat hackeneyed if you think about it... You see them everywhere in poetry... Maybe find a more origanal way to say this...
The person that had #FF0000 ">been behind it all, #FF0000 ">I think "caused" would work better here, the line is sort of akward the way it is now...
I'm the one who#FF0000 ">'s ruined my life. #FF0000 "><< The 's needs to be removed... You could also consider replacing "who" with "that"


I think you should add more to this, right now all there is is two stanza's telling us that you believe you ruined your life. Thats it. I think you should add in why you think that why, what you did to ruin your life, how it feels, use metaphors and similies and the works... That could make this a really great poem...

Sorry for the bad spelling, I don't have a spell check...

Hope this helps,

~Rain~




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Mon Nov 01, 2010 10:51 pm
lin night wrote a review...



I like the first stanza, there is a flow to it that's kind of weird and magical. I think the sentiment of being in battle with yourself is universal, and there's a "realness" to the language here that makes it interesting. It's cool how the tense changes from present to past to present. The poem is to-the-point yet thoughtfully, dreamily constructed.




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Fri Aug 13, 2010 9:29 pm
annwell wrote a review...



hello there... i like the poem...it have lots of meaning...

I'm the one who's ruined my life.~in this part, i suggest you to change it to "I'm the one who ruined my life." or "I'm the one who's ruining my life." that's just a suggestion. it's still up to you if you'll change it or not.




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Fri Aug 13, 2010 7:57 pm
ForsakenAngel wrote a review...



Chevy wrote:Why do I do this to myself?
I'm causing myself my own pain.
It's no one's fault except my own.
It was me that put myself here.

I looked into the mirror,
There stood the person to blame,
The person that had been behind it all,
I'm the one who's ruined my life.


I like this! Wow! I didn't find anything wrong with it, and it was really good.
If you need me to review anything, shoot me a PM!

~xX~Forsakinshadow~Xx~




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Sat Dec 04, 2004 8:24 pm
Wulie wrote a review...



Hey I really like you lyric/song/poem :)
Its a bit short yet still effective I'm no good and saying whats good and whats not I just personally like it escpecially the last verse :).[/quote]





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