Note: * Hey! So, yes, this is kind of to the tune of pop goes to weasel. It's a little off-key, but that's intentional. I hope it's not too tacky.*
Round and round the teenager's mind,
thoughts of suicide wander.
The girl thought life was pointless.
'Pop!' goes the pill bottle.
Her mind was as good as dead,
insanity with every tear shed.
That's the way that her life goes.
'Pop!' goes the pill bottle.
Every day and every night,
her mind slips away.
She knew death was coming near.
'Pop!' goes the pill bottle.
Up and down the blade goes,
sawing away at her skin.
That's the way she guides the blade.
'Pop!' goes the pill bottle.
She screamed and cried for help,
no one ever heard her.
She muttered 'so-long' and then she was gone.
'Pop!' goes the pill bottle.
Hi Secrete!
This is one of my favorites of yours, in fact I read it quite often. Me and our friend Emma used to sing the title of this song frequently. As for that I like the theme of this poem the depression/suicide of it. It’s all together beautiful and tragic. This is and always be one of my favorite poems.
Okay, I hoped that helped.
Keep writing,
Sarai.
P.S. A bird just flew in my house...
If I could I would like it a million times this is my favorite poem/song. Thanks brie. I eve.fg.er.g.erg..etg..f.g.er.g.reger.g.reg
Oh my God. This was so beautiful, in a beautifully dark way.
You really dove straight into that gritty, graphic stuff, and you didn't hold back. I loved that. 
Never hold back. It's clear you shouldn't hold back on all of this stuff because you describe it in such an amazingly interesting way that it just works. You made the dark topic of suicide so...fun to read. Is that bad to say? Oh well, it just worked in my mind.
My only little flaw I see in this is you wrote Pop! Goes the Pill Bottle and she 'sawed away with a knife'. Was the bottle a methaphor? [Please don't judge yourself because I said this. It's constructive criticism!]
Overall, it was beautifully haunting and amazing.
~Kristen~
P.S.- Keep writing!
I bet you're a hit at parties. 
All joking aside, this work is really dark and has a very ironic/childish twang to it, creating an irony around the concept of the work- I can only view this as a sequential analysis of a drug overdose, brought on by suicide.
Round and round the depressed girl's mind,
thoughts of suicide wander.
The girl thought life was pointless.
'Pop!' goes the pill bottle.
Her mind was as good as dead,
insanity with every tear shed.
That's the way that her life goes.
'Pop!' goes the pill bottle.
Every day and every night,
her mind slips away.
She knew death was coming near.
'Pop!' goes the pill bottle.
Up and down the blade goes,
sawing away at her skin.
That's the way she guides the blade.
'Pop!' goes the pill bottle.
She screamed and cried for help,
no one ever heard her.
She said goodbye and then she was gone.
'Pop!' goes the pill bottle.
Hey! XD
The ideas you have here are great. Albeit, a little twisted.
The notion of setting this kind of work to that tune was actually rather humourous (that might just be me.)
I have said this before: there are a lot of suicide works on YWS. You do this one justice, especially with references to things like:
'Her mind was good as dead.'
But there needs to be some kind of hope on here somewhere doesn't there?
So yes, clever concept, which is well written, as you pointed out yourself the tune is a little off. The punctuation you've used clearly defines each point of reading, but I feel like this piece is missing any real character.
You're probably not meant to connect with someone who: 'was gone.' But I still felt it difficult to empathise because you didn't really set up the 'getting to know the character' kind of feel.
Either way, this was an intriguing idea.
Well done.
Hey there KissMe here to give you a review!!
So this is a very good poem I like it, I also love the tune 'Pop goes the weasel'. So grammar, spelling, and thought are just great. Your format is great as well. I can't find much I wanted to say something about in the whole thing! Now to the poem it's self, it has a sad meaning to it. I actually know people who are going through something like this, and it breaks my heart. I'm sorry if you do know someone who is going through this. But I can relate to this poem and I know others will too, so good job on that. That is all I had to say about it. Thank you for posting this work on here.
Keep writing and follow your dreams!!
~KissMe
I thoroughly enjoyed reading this poem. It made me remember a friend who this scenario was his reality. Depression is one of the hardest things to tackle and nobody can really help except for the individual their self. Unfortunately, the person died, and that is scary to me because i could have lost him the same way. Overall, very good piece.
Review time! Let's see what we can do!
Round and round the depressed girl's mind,
thoughts of suicide wander.
The girl thought life was pointless.
'Pop!' goes the pill bottle.
Her mind was as good as dead,
insanity with every tear shed.
That's the way that her life goes. <-How about 'does go'
'Pop!' goes the pill bottle.
Every day and every night,
her mind slips away.
She knew death was coming near.
'Pop!' goes the pill bottle.
Up and down the blade goes, <-Again, How about 'does go'
sawing away at her skin.
That's the way she guides the blade.
'Pop!' goes the pill bottle.
She screamed and cried for help,
no one ever heard her.
She said goodbye, then she was gone. <-'and then she was gone' seems more rhyming
'Pop!' goes the pill bottle.
120,203 Literary Works • 649,067 Reviews
Well done Secrete!
Points: 100
Reviews: 42
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