This story is a result of talking to Yommy till 3 am last night, and planning the life we're going to have one day. This is all based off of a real conversation, which I think is cool. There is two cuss words in it, just so you know. Also, the quote at the bottom is from the song 'Little Things' by One Direction, which I listened to while writing this because it's so perfect I might die.
This little apartment was their home. They'd made it theirs in a matter of days after moving in, making sure to make it just messy enough that it felt cozy and warm. The cupboard was stuffed with tea and snacks. There were books scattered in every single room, including the bathroom. She'd stuck Wuthering Heights in the cabinet with the towels on the second night they were there, and slowly there had been less towels and more books stuffed in this tiny cupboard. The towels ended up stuffed in a basket in the corner, not that it ever had towels in it, because they both hated to do laundry. And sometimes, when there were no towels, they'd have to scream at the other, saying how there were no fucking towels in the dammed bathroom. And on the other side of the bathroom laugh as they went in search of just one towel that was clean.
A few weeks after moving in, the two adopted a kitten, a little grey thing that sat regally they were determined to turn fat and happy and warm. After much deliberation, they'd decided to name him Seamus Meowington, which all their friends made fun of, but they thought it was perfect, and in their own little world, it really was perfect. Who ever got up first would end up making breakfast for the other, even if it was just putting cereal in a bowel and making a cup of tea. They fought over all the blankets in the house, and ended up curled up on the couch almost every night because neither of them would release their hold on the blankets, yet they felt bad for leaving the other one without. They almost always argued over who's turn it was to do the dishes, and he almost always ended up doing them, because well, he just couldn't resist those wide eyes and dimples of hers. But he could almost always get her to make him dinner, just by tickling her till she screamed. On rainy days, the two of them would curl up with Mr. Meowington between them, eating warm chocolate chip cookies she'd baked just that morning, and drinking fresh mint tea. Sometimes she'd fall asleep, and he'd carry her to bed, and tuck her in, but eventually she'd wake up and come find him, because she really couldn't sleep alone and there they'd be again, curled up on the couch. Best of friends.
He taught her how to play drums one day, and they danced around the living room to really loud music until their neighbors complained, and then they still didn't stop, moving the furniture in the tiny living room out of the way so they could dance easier. And then the landlord came upstairs and they were laughing but she was actually a little frightened because the landlord was the kind you read about with the creepy mustache and smelling of cigarettes and she was almost afraid that she'd be kidnapped in the dead of night but then she remembered that she lived with him, and he'd never let anything happen to her.
And sometimes, when she had a date she would start shouting at him, because oh, look how fat I look in this dress, and my thighs are a mile wide, and he'd open his arms and she'd crawl into them and feel so at home and safe that she'd forget all about that date with the sleezeball that he hadn't wanted her to go out on a date with in the first place. And she'd leave her shoes scattered around her room and dresses thrown on her bed, because let's face it, when did they ever not sleep on the couch?
Seamus was a fat happy cat now, and the three of them spent many an evening just discussing life, because they had nothing better to do. And sometimes, when he couldn't find his jacket, he'd ask her and she'd find it in the kitchen cabinet and he'd grin and ruffle her hair and tell her how much he loved her.
All their friends would come over, and raise their eyebrows at the fact that they kept laundry detergent where glasses normally go, and a certain friend would always try to rearrange things, but they'd shout at the friend until she stopped because they loved their little apartment with the cracked window and leaky faucet. And if the friend who was just trying to clean up the cookie crumbs from the couch went too far, the two would go into her apartment and mess everything up, and tell her they had no idea how it'd happened even though their grins and laughter were the biggest giveaway on the face of the planet. And she'd chase them with cleaning supplies and he'd end up cleaning the friend's apartment because he can't resist anyone it seems, and she'd laugh and sit on the couch and make more of a mess because she could and he'd never be angry at her. And that night when he'd sit on the couch and pout while staring at the TV she'd get sick of his moping and crawl into his lap and cuddle with him until he finally cuddled back because there's nothing a cuddle can't fix.
And one day, while he was writing his music and she was scribbling in a notebook, the song Little Things comes on over the stereo and he's singing it to her and finally she knows there is no home besides the one she knows and she'll never be happy anywhere else.
I'm in love with you and these little things.
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138,327 Literary Works • 672,102 Reviews
Hey!
RandomTalks here with a short review!
I don't think I will have anything to critique that already hasn't been covered by Piper here, so I am just going to share my opinion with you.
This was a really sweet story. I like the way you narrated it like a story you would tell your grandkids one day. It has a sort of homey feeling to it that makes you feel all comfortable and warm inside. Basically, I felt like it is the story of two best friends who share their lives together and are so obviously in love with each other. It does not have a plot of sorts, and simply just follows the lives of these two people. I liked how you described their daily lives and routines, those small details that make their story unique and relatable at the same time. I also liked your decision to not name the characters, it gives us the feeling that these are just any two people in the big wide world who have found happiness with each other.
Overall I thought that this was a very heartwarming and wholesome story, despite the small problems with the run on sentences. I had actually been looking for a story that made me smile for the checklist challenge, except I never really expected that it would actually make me smile.
Good job! And I hope you have a great day!
Hello! Here to review. As usual, I have read this in the past, and of course, have fallen in love with it. Here's my review:
The format of this is very different. There's no dialogue, and it's not really showing, but it's not really telling either. It's like I'm being told a story, and I really enjoy it. I've noticed this a lot in your writing story, and I think you do it quite well. It's not easy to pull something like this off, so either I'm partial to your writing because I love you, or you are just a seriously good writer. Probably both. Now, I do have some nitpicks.
I'm sorry, what? This sentence is sort of, a little, a lot messed up. I get your point, but, let's try rephrasing it a little, into something more like this:
"A few weeks after moving in, they adopted a kitten. A little grey thing that sat regally; they were determined to turn him fat, happy and warm."
Maybe? Something like that.
Run on. Add a period or a semicolon or both. On a side note, I would never make fun of the name Seamus Meowington, because it is perfect.
Another run on. Yes, I will point out almost all your run-ons because your team is beating my team. Anyway, it shouldn't be yet. Try:
"Though they they felt bad about leaving the other without, neither of them would ever release their hold on the blankets. They fought over them every night, and as a result, ended up curled up on the couch every night."
Quite lovely, but in need of a rephrase. Something like,
"Sometimes, after she'd fallen asleep, he'd carry her to bed and tuck her in. It didn't last long, though. She'd wake up and come find him, because she couldn't really sleep alone; they'd wake up again in the morning, curled up on the couch. Best of Friends."
"He taught her how to play drums one day, and they danced around the living room to really loud music until their neighbors complained.They still didn't stop, moving the furniture in the tiny living room out of the way so they could dance easier."
Easy fix.
This sentence must make Nathaniel Hawthorne proud. He once wrote a half a page sentence about a door. Luckily, your sentence is more interesting.
"And then the landlord came upstairs. They were laughing, but she was actually a little frightened. He reminded her of the kind you read about, with the creepy mustache and stench of cigarettes; she was almost afraid that she'd be kidnapped in the dead of night, but then she remember that she lived with him. He'd never let anything happen to her."
It's a good sentence, but it's almost too long and jumbled to make sense of.
"And sometimes when she had a date, she would start shouting at him, because 'oh, how fat I look in this dress, and my thighs are a mile wide.' He would just open his arms and she's crawl into them. It made her feel so at home and safe that she'd forget all about the sleezeball she didn't even want to go out with in the first place."
This is sort of oddly phrased. Try something like:
"All their friends would come over, raising their eyebrows when they found laundry detergent where the glasses normally went. There was a certain friend who would always try to rearrange things, but they'd shout at her until she stopped. They loved their little apartment with the cracked window and the leaky faucet."
"If the friend who was just trying to clean the cookie crumbs from the couch went too far, they would just go into her apartment and mess it all up. They would claim they had no idea how it happened, but she would always know, because their grins and laughter were the biggest giveaway on the face of the planet."
"And she'd chase them with cleaning supplies until he'd end up cleaning their friend's apartment, because he can't resist anyone, it seems. She would just laugh at sit on the couch and make more of a mess, because she could. He'd never be angry at her."
I think I just rewrote your entire story. I'm sorry, you can disregard it if you want. On another note, it's charming, lovely, believable, and I love it.
Love, Tacks.
It's been so long since I reviewed, but I saw your status complainng about the need for a quality review- and so I decided to try.
It was just so... aw. The character interactions were adorable, the little details of things really made the piece live up to the title. The two friends had such a believable and well-forged bond it was just so... gah! Wonderfully written, SparkOfDoubt. The two character's indenties remaining hidden just added to things; if you extended the piece, it may get confusing, but at this length it does it just right. The ending was cute and summed up the piece wonderfully.
In the area of nitpicking, I feel like to many of the sentances were long and breathy. At first it was endearing, as there's something cute and comforting about that formation, but as the piece went on I found myself tiring of them. I almost got a headache trying to keep track of them, and they began to take away from the piece.
This sentance; 'And sometimes, when she had a date she would start shouting at him, because oh, look how fat I look in this dress, and my thighs are a mile wide, and he'd open his arms and she'd crawl into them and feel so at home and safe that she'd forget all about that date with the sleezeball that he hadn't wanted her to go out on a date with in the first place.'
Honestly one of my favorites, but so, so hard to keep following. <aybe think of splitting it up into two sentences, perhaps splitting t right between the mile-wde thighs part and him opening his arms?
Thouroughly enjoyed, and good uck with NaMo!
Thanks Love! I know the feels with the whole to long sentences thing. After re-reading it the next day, I was like O.o what the heck? and it was confusing, but it's almost like I couldn't bring myself to change it. Now, I'm starting to agree that it is annoying when you're trying to read through quickly, so if I ever revise, I'll defiantly fix that! Thanks dear, again! <3