Published May 22, 2012
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140,812 Literary Works • 673,694 Reviews
Hi SparkOfDoubt! PumpkinCat here with a review of Tears for Fears! I liked the way you expressed tears in this poem. I like the stanzas but they don't really connect in the flow somehow. I think somewhere around the last two lines of stanza one. Your grammar seems fine and you have a really good poem here. Great work! 8/10
Hi there!
The first stanza is really great. I like the way it plays with the reader, and draws them into the poem. The second stanza is fine, but I think not as good. Perhaps it is because it lets the reader go on a longer line at the very end, which disrupts the reader's flow, and breaks their concentration. I would suggest swapping the two last lines for a more conclusive ending, or changing them slightly to give a stronger end. Also, "give into" should be "give in to", grammatically.
The connection between the two stanzas is thin enough that they might do better as separate poems. It is hard to follow the line of logic between them.
Otherwise, a great poem. Incidentally, your avvie is beautiful
Keep it flowing!
barefoot