Just a little something I wrote on the way home. Nothing special, but I kind of like tid-bits of it. What's weird is the whole time I was writing this, 'devil went down to georgia' was echoing around in my head, and I imagined it as a country song with that same tune... xD
1-
It's not easy to hide, when you're in disguise,
no where else to turn.
It's not easy to speak, when you're keeping yourself
from the truth.
Slipping into death, it's just a doorway away.
Maybe you can make a deal with the Devil,
to steal your heart away.
You claim you've never known love,
but maybe it's that love hasn't known you.
You claim you've never seen love,
but maybe love is just hiding from you.
I've seen it countless times,
the way you grin when I turn my back.
I have ears in the worst places,
hearing all your lies.
Slip into disguise, you were close to caring my dear.
Can't let anyone see that you maybe have a soul behind that polished veneer.
Careful, sweetheart, your lies might just be a little to thin this time.
Bridge-
Your body doesn't know what the truth really feels like,
you've told it so many lies.
It thinks love can be found when you're looking in disguise.
Why don't you try talking without that elaborate mask?
Or is it glued too carefully with your past?
What happened, my love, to make you act this way?
Did somebody hurt you, along the way?
Because as sure as the rising sun,
I'll keep my body with yours till we're done.
All this time I've been waiting, wondering when you'd realize.
Careful clues laid in your path of no-good lies.
It's that part of you that draws me ever closer,
that part of you that says there's something more to discover.
So I'll keep looking around her for you,
even if you refuse.
Because I have the power to see past your disguise.
Because, you see my love, maybe I'm in disguise.
Love has been looking for you, and now he's finally found you.
And as sure as my heart beats, he'll stay with you
until your dying day.
Hahahahaha.....Hi!
Im Serenya!
I have to say I absolutely love this! I really love the fact that you have a musical reference! I have yet to see anyone do that. Lyrics are always easier to interpret when it has some kind of flow to it.
One thing that a really liked is that I understand and can comprehend what you are saying and describing. Good job!
Hi, SparkleDoubt!
I remember reading this earlier, but I was too tired to get my thoughts straight in a review. So I came back today! And I liked it as much as I did then, so that's always a good sign. 8D
The opening lines sound cool, but they don't actually make sense to me. The first half of that stanza anyway. They kind of sound contradictory. Maybe it's just me!
This also sounded contradictory to me. Or, wait. It just occurred to me that they've told the truth so often, they've grown used to the feeling. xD Though is telling the truth the same thing as being told the truth?
I love the rest of that bridge, though. So pretty.
This couplet sounds weird. But overall, I really, really, really love that stanza. It's extremely pretty. I love it.
I also love the last stanza.
So I'm getting the impression that the first stanza needs some work. The introduction. It doesn't really go with the rest of the song, at least in my mind. I mentioned the contradictions that I couldn't keep up with, but I'm also not understanding where the dying / ask-the-devil-to-take-your-heart thing came from. It's not really ever referred to again. So it was a new concept introduced in the song that was never explained or elaborated on.
It might just be me, though!
It's a really cool song. In fact, every time I read through it, I discovered something new which made even more sense. It was awesome. I love those kinds of pieces. I absolutely do. I can't even begin to describe my love for those.
Keep writing!
Jabber, the One and Only!