For Halloween! <3
Thanks ALL of you for your reviews and likes <333
The Ghost who plays the piano...
There is a ghost,
who lives behind the stained glass,
playing out stories on a forgotten piano.
The story haunts us,
it's never ending notes ringing in our ears.
'Don't come near,' it whispers,
its soft tongue invisibly licking its lips.
'Keep away,' it shouts,
its mouth blowing foul air in our ears.
Why does that phantom sit up there,
its frozen tears dusty with age?
Don't try to venture up that winding staircase,
your footsteps echoing through the empty hallways,
secret sonnets playing through our minds
like messages played on the radio.
'Don't come near.'
the music whispers,
enchanting us forever.
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140,812 Literary Works • 673,694 Reviews
Hey Drama! I really lked it!!!! It was really cool. I only have one grammer error in the terms of poetry!
"The story haunts us," Try this,
"the story haunts us;" That's proper grammer. Otherwise it's perfect!! Really awsome!
Dramatic-Sparkle! - It's the little Demon who totally forgot she loves to review but totally remembered and came to review yours only it was so good it needn't be reviewed!
- These two lines were espacially good! Like Angel said, original. But personally I would put the questionmark on the line above and put a period on the last line - I feel like the questionmark on the last line disturb the rythm and make you pronounce it wrong.Tzz, but really, this was amazing! I imagined sitting by the campfire hearing someone murmur/hum this in a creepy sort of cozy way - excellent! Great imagery, and I like that you wrote it in italics, it fit this piece good since it made it seem a little invisible and foggy - ghost-like-ish simply xD
As for structure and punctuation and so on I saw no grammatic errors, I like the way you built it and it was easily read, no flaws in the flow either - so great job there too.
But overall, like I said at the top - this didn't need a review because it was already excellent but I guess I just wanted to tell you I loved it and you made a great job!
Oh, spiders! You get all five of five from me today - I'm in a good mood and this was an amazing poem!
Good Luck & Keep Writing
// Demoness
Hi!
Nice poem! Me likey
I like this part the best. It's original. Overall, no nitpicks. Oh, wait.
End a question with question mark, Sparky.
I hope this was helpful... *Hug*
I love this. I loved the beginning and the middle the best. It's one of the best poetry I've actually read on YWS, and I review mostly poetry as I find them easy to review, and they help me get ideas.
Anyway, you may need some longer stanzas, about four lines at least, but it doesn't really bother me much. Overall, you should keep writing as you're really good at writing poetry.