suicide poems FTW
You left me in darkness' hands,
where the sidewalk ends.
I can't move, I can't breathe,
I'm just here, can't you see?
Your words have left me frozen,
left me alone and without a friend.
I don't know how I'll ever feel safe and warm again.
I didn't tell you I wanted you to leave, did I?
In the arms of love's firery passion
I dismissed the thought of treason.
I thought you'd stay forever,
wrapped in my embrace.
Was it not enough for you,
do you really have to escape with only your faith?
The scars on my body are wearing me thin,
down to the ground on bare skin.
They don't seem to understand I'm me without you, dear
because I'm just another body lying on the ground.
To hear gossip is hard enough to bear,
But a child might grow hungry without a care.
Sleep well tonight, I won't.
Take care tomorrow, I won't.
Stay alive forever, I won't.
I won't be alive when the sun rises again,
I won't be alive to see past the sidewalk's end.
The world has broken, spilt in two.
And I thought it was our oyster, just me and you.
I'm finished with life, I'm breaking from the bonds.
I've decided it's just better to be dead and un-done.
My crazy mind has told me one thing,
I never was supposed to love you or be given a ring.
This isn't a goodbye letter, this isn't a regret.
It's the ode to a heart forgotten, cold and wet.
The winter is here, the cold in my bones.
I won't succumb to darkness, I'm looking for the light.
This is a goodbye letter, this isn't a regret.
This was just absolutely amazing. A great piece to read.
Everything flowed nicely together and it tied off nicely at the end. I like your choice of words and the sense of imagery used.
"You left me in darkness' hands,
where the sidewalk ends.
I can't move, I can't breathe,
I'm just here, can't you see?
Your words have left me frozen,
left me alone and without a friend.
I don't know how I'll ever feel safe and warm again."
These lines were very relate-able. I believe many of the best pieces out there are one's people can relate to.
Once again, this was an amazing read. Nice write and well done.
Good job on this. I think you did very well in portraying the thoughts and feelings of the suicidal person. It also made me realize other thoughts of suicidal people that I never thought of! "I won't succumb to darkness, I'm looking for the light." I thought that was an amazing line.
Ummm, this poem had it's good and bad however; some good verses some just okay. There were a several stanzas where I felt you got off tempo and there were also rhymes that seemed a little bit forced. I'm not sure if you wanted a rhyme scheme or not because you have both-- the stanzas either had a rhyme scheme or it was free verse-- and perhaps that's what lead to the beat when reading it being unbalanced.
"Sleep well tonight, I won't.
Take care tomorrow, I won't.
Stay alive forever, I won't."
The repetitive "I won't" also lead to a weird, off-beat sort of situation. I would suggest taking out all of the I won't-s, and adding a last line of "Because I won't," or something like that.
"Sleep well tonight,
Take care tomorrow,
Stay alive forever,
Because I won't."
And lastly, you put "this is a goodbye" instead of the actual "this isn't a goodbye." Unless of course that the actual way you wanted it!
Overall though, good job! Keep on writing! Can't wait to read more of your work!