Young Writers Society

(Bleh, it double posted me. Sorry about that.)

You can see my review of each verse in ()'s
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The air is cold up there they say,
--->On these cold winter days. <---
An they tell me I should wear a coat
when I fly so I don't catch cold,
But when you're up there, soaring around
and you can't see nothing but the clouds,
it makes you wonder if it's really worth it at all!
(On the second line, do you think "On these Ice cold winter days" would have sounded better? I don't know the tune you where going for here.)

But if I catch a cold, and fall with a sneeze,
--->they might forget me! <---
So I'll just stay on the ground
And hope there's another roun,
Cause the snow is falling and it makes my warm heart come alive,
Rosy sweetness aglow!
(On the second line, do you think "they just might forget me" would fit? adding the 'just' part.)

Darling, I hope we can one day take a trip,
see the things they swore I'd never see.
If I were to go right now they'd keep me there,
And I could pretend to be spaceman for a day!
But I think I' get bored an walk away,
Cause everything is gray!
(Haha, this one made me laugh. )

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Cool, I really like this. Great job and keep it up!

Rain~

You can see my review of each verse in ()'s
--------------------------------------------------------
The air is cold up there they say,
--->On these cold winter days. <---
An they tell me I should wear a coat
when I fly so I don't catch cold,
But when you're up there, soaring around
and you can't see nothing but the clouds,
it makes you wonder if it's really worth it at all!
(On the second line, do you think "On these Ice cold winter days" would have sounded better? I don't know the tune you where going for here.)

But if I catch a cold, and fall with a sneeze,
--->they might forget me! <---
So I'll just stay on the ground
And hope there's another roun,
Cause the snow is falling and it makes my warm heart come alive,
Rosy sweetness aglow!
(On the second line, do you think "they just might forget me" would fit? adding the 'just' part.)

Darling, I hope we can one day take a trip,
see the things they swore I'd never see.
If I were to go right now they'd keep me there,
And I could pretend to be spaceman for a day!
But I think I' get bored an walk away,
Cause everything is gray!
(Haha, this one made me laugh. )

-------------------
Cool, I really like this. Great job and keep it up!

Rain~

SparkleDoubt! (Omg, pretty avatar. *touches*)

The air is cold up there they say,
On these cold winter days.
An they tell me I should wear a coat
when I fly so I don't catch cold,
But when you're up there, soaring around
and you can't see nothing but the clouds,
it makes you wonder if it's really worth it at all!

But if I catch a cold, and fall with a sneeze,
they might forget me!
So I'll just stay on the ground
And hope there's another roun,
Cause the snow is falling and it makes my warm heart come alive,
Rosy sweetness aglow!

Darling, I hope we can one day take a trip,
see the things they swore I'd never see.
If I were to go right now they'd keep me there,
And I could pretend to be spaceman for a day!
But I think I' get bored an walk away,
Cause everything is gray!

Up here.

Spoiler! :

Hey there!
Yes, this is quite Owl City. You managed to capture the child-like bliss that their songs tend to have, so bravo. I noticed a few grammar/spelling errors, such as *and they tell me, and hope there's another *round, along with I think *I'd get bored. In the line "Cause the snow is falling and it makes my warm heart come alive", I think that the "warm" makes the line harder to flow cohesively with the rest of the lyrics. I adore "rosy sweetness aglow", since it's much-Owl city like. I think that if your purpose was to be like Owl city, it was great, but it needs just a touch more "you". Overall, it was cute!
~Epic