His nose was so very unattractive, that people would stop and stare.
Martin liked the attention, and as a result, always scratched his nose in public.
(The attention couldn't be avoided, so Martin believed he should enjoy it.)
He'd stand at the base of the courthouse steps, screaming to be let in.
But instead, people would just stop and stare at his big nose.
He went for service at the most humble of establishments,
and they would turn him away, fearful of the gossip they would be privy too
if people heard that Martin, the big nosed lug, had been there.
(The insane glint in his eyes matched the craziness in his heart, they said.)
He painted secrets on his arms, hoping that someone would see.
He claimed the reason he had no friends, was because of the unfortunate fixture on his face.
"They just don't like me because they're jealous of my nose."
But in truth, no one cared. About Martin and his big nose.
He craved the looks they gave him, as he crossed the street with his cigarette dangling from his toothy, yellow grin.
(The yellow of his teeth matched the yellow of the flower in his lapel.)
His shoeless feet walk the streets,
dodging the broken glass of beer bottles that interrupted his walking trail.
(Martin always said that shoes strapped his feet to the earth.)
So while he skipped along high street, waving his cane,
(The brown cane matched his knotted brown legs.)
They pointed and said, "There goes Martin. Too high to come down."
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125,022 Literary Works • 672,759 Reviews
Knight Malachi here to review for Review Day and the YWS Default Background team.
This story/poem was an interesting one as most are. I have to say that after this poem I really don't like Martin, or his big nose. He seems like a rather unlikable, obnoxious, ugly, and annoying character if you ask me. now, the only possible problem in this I saw was this line:
But in truth, no one cared. About Martin and his big nose.
It seems to me like this period in the middle is unnecessary. Unless you are trying to really make an emphasis on how they didn't care at all about his nose. It just didn't seem right to me.
I was going to say something about his toothless yellow grin until I noticed that unlike last time I skimmed over this (At the time I didn't have the time to review it, but merely saw one or two reviews.) that line was no longer there. Now in final thoughts, if you ask me i would say Martin has some mental issues. I liked your description and detail, especially in the lines:
"dodging the broken glass of beer bottles that interrupted his walking trail." and "
He went for service at the most humble of establishments," I just really like those lines.
Keep it up!
P.S. For once I will remember to leave a like.
Hey there SparkOfDoubt, I'm Graham and I'm going to do a quick review for you!
First I really like the message conveyed here, that some people will take advantage of certain attributes they have simply for attention, and I think that it is human nature to do so, we all crave attention and everyone will get some if they try hard enough.
On a second note, this piece is entered into the Poetry section, although I would argue it is more of a satirical essay, rather than a satirical poem. Simply because poetry is about rhythm and flow, and the rhythm and flow of this piece seems more like that of an essay. I think i view it this way because of the omniscient way it was written with the interludes that are in the parenthesizes, it makes it seem like more of someone narrating a story for me. I am no expert but I am not really feeling the poetic aspects.
But in the end I did enjoy the satirical nature of the piece and the message. It was also very well written. So I hope this helps and as always, write on my friend, write on!
Cheers!
Graham
Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed it. But I promise, it's a poem xD
All right, minor things. "He claimed the reason he had no friends, was because of the unfortunate fixture on his face." You should get rid of this comma, because grammatically it doesn't fit and it breaks up the flow of the reading.
"He craved the looks they gave him, as he crossed the street with his cigarette dangling
from his toothless, yellow grin." You say he's toothless, and then describe how his yellow teeth match his yellow flower. So maybe change toothless to toothy.
"(The brown cane matched is knotted brown legs.)" You forgot the "h" in 'his', so it's "is" in the parenthesis.
Hope this helps!