Hi! So, I wrote this christan song (the first one in forever) and if I do say so myself, it's got a pretty cool message.
Enjoy! And thanks for reviews and likes!
Also, I know that it looks like the timing should be off, but I promise the way it goes with the tune in my head, the format is right... xD
Verse 1-
That’s the way it’s going to be,
the world’s gonna stop spinning,
just for you?
Do you really think that’s all that can be accomplished,
by living without worries, or cares or any values?
I know it’s hard to believe,
but you’re headed down the path of darkness,
the one that ends in tragedy.
It’s not as if we don’t hear your words,
it’s just that we don’t believe that they’re true.
They’re empty soulless eyes,
reading lies.
Just take a breath and walk away,
learn to live the truth of the words,
they’re telling you.
Chorus-
The breath, the breath you take,
it rattles around your empty chest.
The heart, the heart that beats so strong,
will day end and then where will you be?
The bones, the bones in your body,
they’re chilled from the lies.
The blood, the blood needs saved,
and you, you are the only who can.
So take a step back,
please just for me.
I want you to be, who you want to be.
So don’t stop breathing,
keep on looking.
you’ll find your place in this world someday.
And when you do, remember you
once stood at the edge, ready to fall in.
Verse 2-
It’s reaching for you,
it’s calling for you.
Don’t answer it, it’s a lie.
You don’t understand how hard it is
to return from what you once were.
You just need someone to help you through it,
but you’re pushing everyone away,
and unlike some, most won’t come back.
They don’t want to be hurt by second chance.
Sure it’s all fun now,
but what happens when the younger days are gone?
Sure you only live once,
but have you ever thought, maybe if you live better,
you’ll live forever, somewhere else?
Oh-oh
Chorus-
The breath, the breath you take,
it rattles around your empty chest.
The heart, the heart that beats so strong,
will day end and then where will you be?
The bones, the bones in your body,
they’re chilled from the lies.
The blood, the blood needs saved,
and you, you are the only who can.
So take a step back,
please just for me.
I want you to be, who you want to be.
So don’t stop breathing,
keep on looking.
you’ll find your place in this world someday.
And when you do, remember you
once stood at the edge, ready to fall in.
Bridge-
I’m saddened by what you’ve chosen to be.
I’m broken from all the lies, you see.
I’m heartless you say, but what you don’t understand,
is I’m the only one who cares in all the people in the world.
I want you to be
as happy as you can be.
But I know that it’s hard to be happy when you’re living
in a world that stops turning,
just because you want it too.
Chorus-
The breath, the breath you take,
it rattles around your empty chest.
The heart, the heart that beats so strong,
will day end and then where will you be?
The bones, the bones in your body,
they’re chilled from the lies.
The blood, the blood needs saved,
and you, you are the only who can.
So take a step back,
please just for me.
I want you to be, who you want to be.
So don’t stop breathing,
keep on looking.
you’ll find your place in this world someday.
And when you do, remember you
once stood at the edge, ready to fall in.
Ending-
They’re crashing, they’re crashing,
but no one hears the sounds.
They’re falling they’re falling,
but no one takes the time.
They’re calling, they’re calling.
Won’t you please listen?
Won’t you please listen?
Hi, SparkleDoubt!
You say this is a Christian song, but I think it can totes be taken as a generic song, too. In the end, it's encouraging. It provides hope and longing for the person they're singing to. It also has a hint of honesty and truth behind it, which makes it more... attaching. which is an awful word, so we'll pretend there's a better one there!
I really, really like the message behind this. So it's going to be a challenge to give a worthy review here.
So I find this interesting. And I'm hoping I'm reading it right. On one hand, it sounds like a sort of dare for the person to follow the lies they're being told. On the other hand, it could be interpreted as an invitation to follow what the speaker believes. I think the prepositions in this song are a bit confusing to follow overall. These lines specifically interested me because of the first option I mentioned. xD I thought it was cool seeing it as a dare, but it might seem out of place for this song at the same time. I dunno.
Actually, I'm wondering if there is more than one definition of "they" here.
I think there's a word missing here or some such. Grammatically, it seems off. XD Anyway, at first, I thought this meant that Jesus was the only one to save this person. But now I'm thinking the speaker is saying their blood needs to be saved, and that person is the only one who can save it. Just another indication of the confusing prepositions, I think.
It's kind of weird, but that's really my only complaint. It's confusing! But only because of the PoV. So go through and comb through it, try to make more sense of it. It's a lovely message, and I enjoyed it. I wish I could hear it. Well done!
Keep writing!
Jabber, the One and Only!
Hey Spark!
I haven't really reviewed for a while, so apologies if this is both short and greatly unhelpful.
It's very...hopeful. But that isn't a bad thing. In fact, it's one of the strengths of this song. This character in your song is very much in the spirit, isn't she? Even if the ending is depressing, it still highlights the successes of this "unknown" cause in your piece.
Which leads me to some cons. Who are "they"? I assume from the background to this song- as you've stated, it's a Christian song- you are referring to angels. I would like to see this developed.
I'm not usually a fan of religious lyrics, but this was good. Well done