thanks for the wings

Hai Sparks 567ajt here. I don't believe I have ever reviewed a poem of yours. If I have, I don't remember

This review is *loooooooooooooooong* overdue, and I recognise that. The reasons are that it's been a while since I've reviewed, I've been busy, but most importantly I don't know how to approach a piece of work *quite* like this.

To re-familiarise myself with your writing I read some of your earlier works, which made me fangirl *HARD*. I just really like your writing style and I am a bit of a fan. I especially like Plink, Plink, Plink because of the title is amazing

Enough of this tomfoolery; let's get on with the poem!

There were moments I liked, I thought needed improving and moments I absolutely adored. Let's go to certain moments I liked first.

"Turn around, walk away.
Your tears don't exist, dead pane expression.
So don't pretend to care about whispered truths in the dark."

This particular moment shows a brutal honesty from the narrator. He/she feels the person in question is putting on an act. This person isn't upset, or cares about the narrator. Perhaps the narrator is selfish, and only wants thing for themselves. A lot of different meanings can be made, as I think the best stanzas are the most "WTH" ones.

"You gave me wings, things I'd never thought of before.
So I guess what I mean to say is thank you, for the wings.
They're pretty much the only thing left to me."

I like the way this ended. Usually, I comment on endings last, but I wanted to mention this ending because I think it is vital in the mood of this piece. I like the contradiction here; at the start there is hate, but at the end love always win. Suprising as it sounds I agree. I know. Me, the pessimest. XDD

Now, moments I think were good, but could need some improving.

"I don't believe in your love or your words.
Lies fabricated from the strands of disillusioned glory."

I like the way this stanza ended. I like how you used disullusioned. It was very affective and conveyed a lot. I think the opening of the stanza was too obvious, and not as descriptive as the other lines. Maybe you could add some sort of venomous love, or even put love in speech marks, to indicate sarcasm. This part of the poem is generally bitter, so I think I would prefer more bitterness.

"Promises, misses and kisses.
All those things I don't believe in anymore.
You rendered me useless is all the things I do
Made me think, made me stop,
made me remember you."

I think this stanza is a little bit moany. It is as if the narrator is giving up, and he/she has no power. I would prefer it if the narrator bit back, and was more assertive. They should take action and create their own destiny instead of being stuck in the one created for them. I know, symbolism eh?

Now, the stanzas that made me giggle and gush like a school girl.

"Pray for me in metaphors,
Spin me a tale of relativity.
I got the heart if you've got the plan,
poetry to win a golden throne.
I've had the world offered to me on a silver platter,
Dished up with regrets and possibility.
Who do you think you are to offer up just one mistake for your plea?
Suitors are lined up at my door,
Hands held out, ready for more."

This stanza kicks butt. Major butt. Why? Well, just from the opening line, I know this poem is going to be complex and figurative. I also think it's clever the way you linked metaphor to the fantasy of the person. Also, the way you have worded and structured this stanza is bonanza. I lust over the link between pleaing and offering, two very polar opposite things mixed together.

"You knew the truth when you paid so much
to get just one more touch of obsession.
You knew you were restless for the future I held in my palm,
outstretched in your hour of need."

This narrator *really* doesn't like this person XDD I mean, obsession? That is pretty strong. But it is affective as it fits in with the style and mood of the poem. The person being restless shows how selfish they really were.

Great job, Spark. I am sorry if it was just me giving praise, and being unhelpful, but I couldn't help myself

ummm....are you sure you are 15? OMG!OMG! this is,for sure, a true expression of how wonderful and paranormal this generation is and am totally loving it. Your poem reminds me of Lord Byron and how I wish that some day you will be in the same glory with the same poet and recreate a moment that we all are dying for: Power in the words of a poet! Cheers and keep on writing

This left me with my mouth open like...omg. The intense emotions that this portrayed, of her leaving her boyfriend and how she doesn't believe in ...like anything anymore and the way the kind of relationship they might have had come across;

'I'll keep you hidden if you keep me quiet...'

I salute you.

But, go back through it again for spelling ( such as 'you new the truth' - couldn't see any others.) and ...because going back through things when you have the time is wonderful.

And also, this is awesome...

Annii