Dream Catcher

Hi there!

My comments/corrections are in violet below:

SparkOfDoubt wrote:Verse 1:
Daring you reach out, Depending on what you want to say in this sentence, it needs to be worked on. Are you saying you're reaching out daringly? Or are you being dared to reach out? In the first case, it should be 'Daring, you reach out.' In the second case it should be 'Daring you to reach out.'
To grab what you can't see.
Slip into that dream like state,
Trying to find what isn't there.
Good start to this.

Can't you see that all you ever needed,
Is right here, with me?

Don't reach up,
trying to touch the stars,
When you'll only be disapointed without the moon. Hm, I really don't know what to say about this line. I understand what you're trying to say, but I think you should say 'disapointed with the moon.'

Chorus:
You're the dream catcher,
the one who reaches for the stars.
But I know, and I know,
That your not satisfied with the world.
You try to touch the stars,
You try to find the sun,
But can't you see,
That all you will ever need,
is right here with me.
The chorus is really good. It flows well and has a great rhythm to it. You did a good job combining what you said in the first verse (and probably what you're going to say in the ones to follow) and putting it into the chorus.
Verse 2:
It's happened. You've reached to far.
Now you've fallen.
From the ladder of fate. I absolutely LOVE this line!
You reached too far, (reminder: to means going somewhere, too means more than needed.
The stars have knocked you down.
Again.
The moon glowing on your face,
showing your wounds. Great imagery!
Don't you see, where you went wrong?

Don't reach up,
trying to touch the stars,
When you'll only be disapointed without the moon.


Chorus:
You're the dream catcher,
the one who reaches for the stars.
But I know, and I know,
That your not satisfied with the world.
You try to touch the stars,
You try to find the sun,
But can't you see,
That all you will ever need,
is right here with me.

Verse 3:
You want me to help you back up,
But I don't think I can.
Your heart wants to go back to with the stars,
but don't you understand,
That the stars are will just going to knock you down again.
That ladder of fate is tall,
And you've landed at the foot,
Climbing up will be such a pain,
Why can't you just stay here?

Don't reach up,
trying to touch the stars,
When you'll only be disapointed without the moon.

Bridge:
Dream catcher,
Don't fall
Who'll be here,
When your gone?
Dream catcher,
Can't you see?
We only want to be with you.
Dream catcher,
Don't fall.
Who'll be here
When your gone?
Great repetition in this bridge. You basically kept the same beginning of every line, but added a tiny different idea to it.
Chorus:
You're the dream catcher,
the one who reaches for the stars.
But I know, and I know,
That your not satisfied with the world.
You try to touch the stars,
You try to find the sun,
But can't you see,
That all you will ever need,
is right here with me.

Ending:
Dream catcher,
Don't fall.
Who'll be here when your gone?
Don't reach up,
trying to touch the stars,
When you'll only be disapointed without the moon. I like the repetition here at the end. You took what you said in the beginning and repeated it here.

It was a little bit jumpy, and I would have liked it to rhyme a bit more - it wasn't constant. I liked the idea, but you need to work on it.
-Anna

I wasn't really impressed with this. It gave me that feeling that something was missing and it's hard to describe what that feeling is, but something is missing.

I've also noted a lot of mistakes...below I corrected the mistakes that I saw.

Verse 1:
Daring, you reach out,
To grab what you can't see.
Slip into that dream like state,
Trying to find what isn't there.

Can't you see that all you ever needed,
Is right here, with me?

Don't reach up,
trying to touch the stars,
When you'll only be disapointed without the moon.

Chorus:
You're the dream catcher,
the one who reaches for the stars.
But I know, and I know,
That you're not satisfied with the world.
You try to touch the stars,
You try to find the sun,
But can't you see,
That all you will ever need,
is right here with me.

Verse 2:
It's happened. You've reached too far.
Now you've fallen.
From the ladder of fate.
You reached too far,
The stars knocked you down.
Again.
The moon glowing on your face,
showing your wounds.
Don't you see, where you went wrong?

Don't reach up,
trying to touch the stars,
When you'll only be disapointed without the moon.


Chorus:
You're the dream catcher,
the one who reaches for the stars.
But I know, and I know,
That you're not satisfied with the world.
You try to touch the stars,
You try to find the sun,
But can't you see,
That all you will ever need,
is right here with me.

Verse 3:
You want me to help you back up,
But I don't think I can.
Your heart wants to go back to the stars,
but don't you understand,
That the stars are just going to knock you down again.
That ladder of fate is tall,
And you've landed at the foot,
Climbing up will be such a pain,
Why can't you just stay here?

Don't reach up,
trying to touch the stars,
When you'll only be disapointed without the moon.

Bridge:
Dream catcher,
Don't fall
Who'll be here,
When you're gone?
Dream catcher,
Can't you see?
We only want to be with you.
Dream catcher,
Don't fall.
Who'll be here
When your gone?

Chorus:
You're the dream catcher,
the one who reaches for the stars.
But I know, and I know,
That you're not satisfied with the world.
You try to touch the stars,
You try to find the sun,
But can't you see,
That all you will ever need,
is right here with me.

Ending:
Dream catcher,
Don't fall.
Who'll be here when your gone?
Don't reach up,
trying to touch the stars,
When you'll only be disapointed without the moon.