Monster under my bed (On a lonely night)

I think your first two opening lines set the mood really well, but then I thought you let yourself down a bit. I thought you should have continued addressing the thoughts that enter your mind when your alone in the night but use "on a lonely night" at least three times consecutively just to give it more of a structure.

Hello! Roxy here!
an interesting piece! a few little things though!
"I look for things in the dark and under the bed.
One of these days, I'll figure out that only monsters live under my bed,
that only monsters lurk in the dark."
while I like the individual lines I find it quite repetitive I dont really think you need all of the sentences

But when I'm lonely, and want more than just the dark to keep me company,
the dark is what I turn too.
I dont really get it...maybe if you said something like " but the dark is the only thing left I can turn too" but thats just a suggestion

On a lonely night
whisper what you actually believe in my ear.
Because when we awake,
we're not going to remember anyway.
this is a lovely stanza but I dont think there should beb a fullstop between the second and third line, it'll give it a better flow


On a lonely night,
I'll come find you. I'll come look for you.
And on a lonely night,
you can be mine once again.
The second line doesnt really make sense, If youve found them why are you looking for them?
But I liked the rest of it!

Over all I did like it!!
PM me with any questions
--Roxy

Didn't really understand,although it was pretty good. Especially th part about the dark being your company. When I have to sleep without my sisters, Usually my companions are my stuffed animals, and the dark. I'm a little bit frightened in the dark, because of what it could hide from me. Other times, I try to read my book or make my self fall asleep. A bit creepy when you said, "You can be mine once again"

I think this is pretty good. I really don't understand it entirely though. The other commenters mentioned how this isn't very sexual. You must of put that in a description or something and I missed it. I came in without the knowledge of this being sexual in nature.

Now that I know your intentions I think it might have changed some things. I don't know much (or anything) about poetry. I think that the majority of poems have some underlying meaning to them. I could be completly wrong here, but now I think the poem is about masturbation. If it is supposed to be sexual, then masturbation is probably what you mean. On a lonely night thinking about the girl/guy you lost. I know what I'm usually doing when I think about ex girlfriends and I'm lonely in my bed.

I do think your over exagerating though. Really? You call it a monster?

Again I could be completely wrong here. All in all I thought it was pretty good. Keep it up. (and yes "keep it up" was a pun)

This isn't a terribly sexual poem. It's a very emotional piece that perhaps many can relate to. Don't be worried about "implied things." This is a wonderful piece that isn't as bad as you think. Keep writing, and if you're worried about it being a "Sexual" work, PM me and I'd be glad to clarify.

Dear, I wouldn't worry too much about the sexuality in this poem. It's subtle and toned down, so if you're a bit worried about the outspokenness of it, it's very delicate. So no stress!

Now, when it comes to the piece in itself, it's nice to see you move into something a little more intimate than your prior work. That's why topics such as sex or sexuality go over extremely well when put into poetic form. Because poetry and sex are a really good comparison of each other. After all, both are generally lacking in the respect like what one gets from writing something long like a novel as well as sex simply having a bad rep from all the moral stipulations. But poetry is still seen as a rather enjoyable piece of literature, and sex is a rather enjoyable... er, pastime.

Why am I comparing the two? xD

You see, it's extremely easy to put sex into poetry because poetry is often primal. Natural. It doesn't have that superfluous tone most prose does where playing an original tone on cliches is how you create. Poetry is supposed to be drawn on. Pulled at. Poetry is not specific to one thought or ideology but is drawn on by many facets. And often sex is too.

Anyways, there were a few bits I found to be a bit on the superficial side. For instance;

I find myself looking into things that were better left unsaid.

But when I'm lonely, and want more than just the dark to keep me company,
the dark is what I turn too.