Oceans of vivid colours,
Dark blue melting into tinted green,
Reflects the azure sky above it,
Embracing the setting sun,
Fiery orange blending in yellow.
--
In that peaceful ocean so deep,
A watchful eye does the shark keep,
Ardently waiting for a prey that's weak,
Tunas and fishes and crustraceans he eats
On those meek fishes, he deceivingly cheats.
--
King of Oceans is he, the shark,
Saw like teeth is something to mark;
Senses the prey from miles away,
The sensors of automatic doors too are fail,
Such is the nature's magic on them.
--
Even a drop of human blood,
Sends him into a wild frenzy,
Slippery lookin' soft body disguising a mirage,
Is actually like a sandpaper;
Water is all in his life & his life is all in water.
--
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Canary word: Present
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125,027 Literary Works • 672,773 Reviews
Baby shark dodododododo
Hi there @Eros I am here to review your poem. right lets get into it shell we.
all right little mistake here with you spelling, I will put this in suggestions so that you can see what the mistake is for I will creaked it there for you. that is all with this line bye the way I really like it.okay I am going to suggest something for this line because I do not really think that tinted goes with this line.
this line is pronounced a bit strangely, I will go and see if I can put something to gather for you in suggestions. just going to change the word does into something else.
Suggestions
1: Oceans of vivid colors,
2:Dark blue melting into faded green,
3:A watchful eye as the shark keeps,
So that is all that I can say about this poem it was really good, keep up the good work here.
@EagleFly out to seek and kill
Actually I wanted to say tint of color because actually it is dark green melting into dark blue ... The dark green plants and flora of the oceans giving it the dark greenish blue colour...
Actually we write it as colour in India... So that's why I wrote it that way
I really love your review... It was helpful .. thank you so much!!
Though I have absolutely nothing to do with this aside the fact that I'm just another writer on this site, @EagleFly @Eros I feel like I should prolly mention that if someone writers certain words with "ou" instead of just "o", use "s" instead of "z" or use similar alternate spellings, it's probably because they're using British English instead of American English. Neither of them are mistakes, as they're literally just alternative ways of writing certain words.
Just sharing some knowledge! Hope that'll help clearing some confusion in the future.
Thanks it still helps.
Yeah! You're right, @Tortwag...
Awesome!! Thats a great poem, i love your description of the electromagnetic sensors of a shark, along with your description of the ocean, pretty cool! I may make it aware to you however, though just a minor grammatic error, i think you meant to say "keep" instead of "keeps" in line 7. Other than that, awesome. I hope to see more like this in the future :3
Fixed too! Thank you so much ThatOneGuy!!
No problemo C:
Hi Eros,
So glad to read your poem, the poem describes the beauty of shark with a nice flow like a shark swims in a deep ocean.
Each of the stanza goes perfect with explanation of the details, suitable word placement and the word selection giving a sense of poetic as poetry tends to play with words and emotions.
King of Oceans is he, the shark,
Saw like teeth is something to mark;
Senses the prey from kilometres away,
The sensors of automatic doors too are fail,
Such is the nature's magic on them.
In this stanza, I like the concept of sensor door and ant sensing capability of shark. Even some times i amaze how these creatures can sense the presence from a far distance. it's quite pretty concept.
I would like to suggest for a replacement of one word in this stanza. in the line " senses the prey from kilometers away", here you can replace "kilometers" with "miles", which i hope will give a good sense. I hope, I am not vanishing the beauty of the poem.
In the last stanza ,
Even a drop of human blood,
Sends him into a wild frenzy,
Slippery looking soft body,
Is actually like a sandpaper,
Water is all in his life & his life is all in water.
after the third line " slippery looking soft body", you can place another sentence as follows
"disguising like a mirage"
I hope this line will also give little more accent to the poem.
Apart from these the poem gives a good sense of thought, and it's a beauty too. That much I can think now.
I wish you write more and more.
Chinku,
Fixed!! Thanks a lot, Chinku!!
Always welcome.