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Young Writers Society


18+ Language Mature Content

Melting into each other...

by Eros


Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language and mature content.

Reminding herself of all the homework that was assigned at her school, Saayuri was walking back to her home. The aroma of fresh, wet soil filled the air. She was holding a textbook in her fair hands close to her chest, as if she was hugging the book tightly.

She was lost in the thoughts of how and from where she would start the homework and she didn't notice a pebble on her way, and she tripped over it. She winced in pain and her elbow was bleeding because of the friction with the ground. Her knee was bruised too. She tried to get up but she couldn't. 

"Hey, are you alright!?"

Saayuri looked up. There was a handsome young boy on a bicycle. His school uniform suggested he was a high school student like her, but from a different school.

"Yeah--- yeah, I am alright", Saayuri replied, but her eyebrows were arched in pain and her eyes were moist. 

"No, you are not." The boy kicked the stand of the bicycle and parked it on the road. He stood up and stretched out his hand to Saayuri. She needed it, and desperately grasped it. She stood up and dusted her dark blue skirt, trying to clean the soil clinging to it. Her white shirt had become dusty too. 

"What's your name, girl?" 

"Saayuri... Saayuri Kawari. And yours?"

"I am Hiko Hiko Tanuki"

"Wow, such a great name!"... And such a great beauty...she thought. Saayuri at once forgot her pain. 

"Thanks! May I drop you? You are injured as fuck, pretty girl." 

"I will go on my own, I am fine." She started to walk, but she reflexly bent her knee in order to escape the sharp pain.

"Ah---" She cried.

Hiko Hiko pressed her shoulders lightly and said, "Come on, I am not gonna eat you."

She smiled and nodded. 

Oh what a heart melting smile... thought Hiko Hiko. He helped her sit on his bicycle and he started to pull the bicycle, while he was walking.

Hiko Hiko told her many jokes and made her laugh so much that tears rolled down from her eyes. Hiko Hiko wiped her tears with his fingers. He was not fair like Saayuri, but Saayuri gave her heart to this tall, chocolate-complexioned boy with dark and deep black eyes, at the first meeting. Hiko Hiko cracked a few more jokes. Saayuri laughed again. Hiko Hiko closed his eyes and smiled with a satisfaction that was as immense as that of a thirsty guy getting a drop of water while wandering in a desert since a few weeks.

They reached her home and he kept gazing her until she disappeared into the house. He drived away, riding on his black bicycle.

The next day, unexpectedly they met in the same lane. Hiko Hiko went closer to her, on his bicycle. He asked Saayuri to sit in front of him as he drove the bicycle. She agreed as they were friends. She also felt a positivity in his attitude and felt safe with him. Hiko Hiko was truly a good guy. The twinkle in his eyes and the chest tightened in confidence suggested how truthful he was. 

A few weeks passed by and Hiko Hiko would drop Saayuri back to her home daily. Saayuri told him about her family and told him about how much her mom and dad loved each other and loved Saayuri. 

"I lost my parents in a plane crash."

Saayuri was grief stricken at his word. She started to weep. Hiko Hiko realized how much emotional Saayuri was. He wiped her tears off. 

"You live with your uncle and Aunt?"

Hiko Hiko shook his head, "Alone. I am used to it, Saayuri. I don't even remember how were they. I was too young when they left." Hiko Hiko looked up at the sky, trying to search them. "I was grown up my grandfather. And he is no more now."

She was stunned with sadness.

"Hey, don't become so serious! I don't like graaave seriousness". He said, "grave seriousness" in a low pitch, Makin her laugh again.

Hiko Hiko pulled out another joke from the big sac and she laughed all the way to her home. Hiko Hiko would laugh on seeing her laugh. Both of them were made of each other. They looked sweet together.

One day it was raining heavily. Hiko Hiko saw her standing in the shade of a tree from the window of his house. She did not know that Hiko Hiko's house was just opposite to the tree. She was shivering from the cold drizzles of waterdrops that were striking her. Hiko Hiko took an unbrella and walked towards her. He handed it to Saayuri. She took the umbrella from his hands and moved out of the shade. She started to leave for the home. Hiko Hiko was lost in her. He liked the way her long black hair was plated. She turned back to wave him goodbye. Hiko Hiko did not reply. He was drowned in her beauty. Saayuri went near him. She gazed in his deep eyes. Hiko Hiko held her face in his hands. She leaned closer, maintaining the link of eye contact. Hiko Hiko lowered his eyes and stopped at her lips, that now appeared pinker and fuller. He again looked back in her eyes. Saayuri slowly closed her eyes and positioned the umbrella to her side and tried to hide their closeness. She could feel the warmth of his breath. Hiko Hiko closed his eyes too and held her head even more closer. He could hear her breath. The force that was restraining them from kissing each other, broke at once and they passionately shared their saliva, tilting their heads occasionally. Their passion of kissing went on increasing with the rainfall that was getting heavier and heavier. 

They paused for a while. 

"Aaah... I crave more" Saayuri begged him.

Hiko Hiko grinned and picked her up in his arms. 

"Damn. You are so fucking strong"

That was an instant turn on for him. He carried her to his home that was just opposite to the tree. Their school uniforms were wet in the rainwater. His sodden, dense hair looked attractive with the water drop clutched to the stray strands in front of his eyes, like a dew drop. 

He placed her on the floor and unlocked the door. They stepped in. He slammed the door behind with a loud bang. Saayuri grasped his shoulders tightly and clinged to him, breathing heavily, yearning for another kiss. He pressed his lips against hers and slowly their toungues played with each other as they were lost in the kiss. 

Saayuri started to unbutton his school shirt. Hiko Hiko copied her moves. She blushed heavily. Her cheeks were red like cheeries.

Hiko Hiko frowned in doubt whether she is ready for all that. Saayuri raised her eyebrows and with love in her eyes she said, "Please, don't stop!" 

He grinned naughtily and dropped the shirt that was completely unbuttoned by Saayuri. He pushed her lightly on the bed and sprang right over her. Their eyes met each other and Hiko Hiko pulled her shirt out. He sucked on her breasts and she moaned with pleasure. She tried to move, but Hiko Hiko pressed her back on the bed.

"Do you like it?"

"Aaah. Yeah... I like it---so much!"

One thing led to another and their souls united. After an hour they stopped and realised that the rainfall was stopped. They slipped back into their dresses and she went back home. Hiko Hiko was too tired after the activity, but he still went with her to drop her by his bicycle.

Years passed by and their relationship grew stronger and stronger. They finished their studies and after job, they got married with each other with the permission of Saayuri's parents. 

They lived a happy married life, ever after.


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94 Reviews


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Reviews: 94

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Mon Aug 06, 2018 6:29 pm
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Wordzyy wrote a review...



It's an amazing love story!!! The feel is so pure and lovely. I like how you've described the character Hiko Hiko. I bet people who read this admire them and wants to have a love like this.

You started off so well. The plot was natural and didn't seem forced anywhere. It's really tough to write short love stories. It'll be either be abrupt or corny. Yours was up to the mark, just solid. I liked the consistency of the stuff you have brought into the story.

I saw the amazing blossom of love between them. It was described so good. The blushing moments, sharing personals and cracking jokes,...all were so damn natural. I actually have so many favorite lines in here.

You made me have a crush in this Hiko Hiko. The way you have written dialogues for him was amazing

"Hey, don't become so serious! I don't like graaave seriousness". He said, "grave seriousness" in a low pitch, Makin her laugh again.

It made me laugh. This was so beautiful. WOW! I love such moments. You give more life to the characters of your story. You are an amazing writer. Keep writing like this, please.

The chemistry between them was carried out so well. I loved reading the story. One of my favorites. Thanks for sharing this! It was a touching story. Close to my heart. Gotta tell ya this Hiko literally represents my love! So 'beautiful!' Beautiful story. Thanks again!!!

Keep writing, my dear!

-sreene ^^




Eros says...


Thank you so much !! That's the best review I have ever got... It was my dream that I want my characters to be loved by the readers ... Thank you so much !!



Wordzyy says...


It's been a pleasure. You are a good writer. Keep up the writing :)



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Mon Jul 16, 2018 7:56 pm
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Chaser wrote a review...



What a love story! But I think the title could do a little better. After all, it's just the lovers' names, trailing off into the story. It could be a poetic phrase, or the reason they fell in love, or a statement you want to make. Something like that would attract more readers who could enjoy this story.

I enjoyed that this story isn't afraid to say how much the two love each other, but I just wish Hiko Hiko could've had more jokes. The "graaaave seriousness" line was great, so other things like it would also make the reader like Hiko Hiko more.

One thing I wish this story had resolved was the grief inside Hiko Hiko. He jokes around it, but it's never stated how he copes with the death of his family. In reality, this can be devastating, so it should be given the same weight in fiction, too. It's implied that being with Saayuri heals him, but I'd appreciate it if this were more apparent. It gives it more value in the story. Otherwise, it would just seem like an excuse to get them both emotional.

That long paragraph beginning with "One day it was raining heavily" is quick enough sentence by sentence, but as a whole paragraph it seems like too much for the reader to handle. It could be broken up into smaller paragraphs where you talk about different things. Hiko taking an umbrella to Saayuri could be a new paragraph, then Hiko being lost in her beauty could be another. It makes transitions smoother and lets the reader be more relaxed in reading.

I hope this is helpful. Cheers!

-Chaser




Eros says...


Thanks a lot, chaser ! I will surely try to edit it and make it more attractive...



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Sun Jul 08, 2018 1:27 pm
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Chase7 wrote a review...



Hey Eros.

First things first. You are one mean writer. I really enjoyed reading his love story between two souls. It was very descriptive and urged you to keep reading to find out the end. The ending was great even though it was a cliche because nowadays there aren't many writers who end things off happily because of it being a cliche but you used it anyways. Not saying it was wrong of you. You made the cliche work for your story.

Now to the improvements.

There are a few sentences which i would reconstruct such as:

"Reminding herself of all the homework that was assigned at her school, Saayuri was walking back to her home"

I don't necessarily think this is a good beginning to your story. The beginning is supposed to capture the reader's attention so it could urge them to keep reading your story but this doesn't really do that. Taking away that this is the beginning it still is a weird sentence. You could reconstruct it to say:

"Saayuri, on her way back from school, was filled with thoughts of all the homework she had to finish"

If you put it like this it will make a better start to the paragraph.

Another personal problem of mine is you description of her hands because it has not relevance to the piece but you can still keep it there because the more adjectives you use will help the reader picture your character in your vision.

"She was lost in the thoughts of how and from where she would start the homework and she didn't notice a pebble on her way, and she tripped over it."

I don't enjoy this sentence either because you could've better reconstructed this and rather say:

"A pebble attacked her as she was lost in her thoughts."

Even this sentence:

"His school uniform suggested he was a high school student like her, but from a different school."

Less really means more. Rather say:

"He was dressed in his school uniform, he was also in high school"

Too much exposition in this sentence.

"Hiko Hiko closed his eyes and smiled with a satisfaction that was as immense as that of a thirsty guy getting a drop of water while wandering in a desert since a few weeks."

Reconstruct this sentence:

"They reached her home and he kept gazing her until she disappeared into the house. He drived away, riding on his black bicycle."

To:

"Hiko Hiko kept gazing at her until she finally entered her house. Then he rode away on his black bicycle"

There are few more sentences i would reconstruct but i will rather leave it there. There are many grammar mistakes and sentences that don't make sense to me at least so i suggest that before you post a piece, you should probably get it proof rad by a friends.


Sorry if I'm making it sound like this was a bad story because it wasn't. I seriously loved it because of the ways you wrote things which gave us insight of the character as well as your very descriptive writing which led up to their "climax". I just wanted to suggest ways to make it even more amazing than it already was. Please keep writing these great pieces and inbox me so i could read them :)




Eros says...


Thank you so much for the review !! It was very helpful ... Thanks for letting me know about the things i could change! Loved it, because we learn from our mistakes!

Thanks a lot again!

P.S. "A pebble attacked her as she was lost in her thoughts."... I feel it would change the plot--- she tripped over it. This sentence gives a feel as if someone threw a pebble at her... Pebble attacked her, it flinged up in the air and made her injured...

Thanks for the review!




I know where the wall goes.
— Creed, the Office