The Mystery Of The Dog Ghost

Heya!
Augustus here for the review.
Well, this story was kind of cute. A children story with a moral. Well done with the concept.
However, I must say you could add a lot more imaginary to this story. The physical appearance of your character, the whole situation on the mystery night could be elaborated.
And yes, I have a suggestion for you. Whenever you are going to type the next sentence after the full stop, please leave one space and then write on. It will look a lot more clear. Like:

.Angered by the barking, Alor went in the garden with his cricket bat.As soon as he reached the garden,

. Angered by the barking, Alor went in the garden with his cricket bat. As soon as he reached the garden,

Hi Eros! Guardian here!

I just wanted (before I started) to say that it was nice to have a change of writing styles. I've been coming across a lot of "chapters" or "novels". It was good to have a "short story".

I know that this must have a been a quick and easy project, but I still want to point out some errors.

The first one occurred in the very start of the tale:

"There was a boy named Alor, aged eighteen. Alor was tall and hefty with a scar on his face. Alor was short tempered. The scar suggests that he used to fight with every one whwnever he got angry. He used to trouble poor, dumb animals by holding their tails, hitting them by sticks or throwing stones on them. Whenever he became angry he used to trouble animals and feel happy."

So instead of describing each correction, I'll re-write the starting paragraphs with the corrections in place...

"There once was an eighteen year old boy named Alor. He was short-tempered, along with his hefty build and scar on his face. The scar suggested that he used to fight with every one whenever he got angry. He used to trouble helpless animals by holding their tails and hitting them with sticks or by throwing stones on them. Abusing animals pleased Alor."

Notice how I changed the first sentence. Using "aged eighteen" makes the writing seem just a bit unprofessional. Also take note about how I combined the second and third sentences. By doing this, I allowed the reader to enjoy a "flowing" description of Alor. A big part of creating stories, is to have concise descriptions, and not having sentences that drag out. When you used the word "suggests", it creates a shift in tense. You can't do that in the middle of a story. You started with the past tense, and so, you must remain in the past tense. Glance at the rest of the changes I made.
Also remember that even though this is a short story, an article of writing such as this shouldn't contain questions at the end. If you're story contains exquisite imagery and detail, the reader should be asking the questions themselves.

I hope to read more of your writing! Keep it up and write on!

-Guardian

Fanta here!
I like this short story. It is short, sweet, and to the point. I love stories that are like that. I like your idea. It was very creative.
I did see some errors. Make sure that your words and punctuation marks are not too crowded nor too spaced. You misspelled the word "vanish" in the end. Get rid of that "e". I think that is about it. Great job. *Heads to the "like" button*
Good job and keep writing!
Very truly yours,
fanta

Eros I really liked that instead a baseball bat you mentioned cricket bat, as cricket bats are very little mentioned about even after their popularity, i must say i was intrigued by the ending and i really want to know the mystery so thumbs up

1 problem though,
i didn't understand the psychology of Alor as one day he is killing dogs and other day he is loving them

Nice work

Nice idea for a story. However, I would recommend not capitalizing mystery at the end. >.<
Also, the story felt a bit rushed, I guess. You need more details. Other than that, fine. Good job, Eros!
BTW I'm totally into Greek stuff (hence the Percy Jackson name) so kudos for the username!

Nice idea for a story! However, you sentences seem a little choppy. For example, you say "There was a boy named Alor, aged eighteen. Alor was tall and hefty with a scar on his face. Alor was short tempered. The scar suggests that he used to fight with every one whwnever he got angry. He used to trouble poor, dumb animals by holding their tails, hitting them by sticks or throwing stones on them. Whenever he became angry he used to trouble animals and feel happy."

I would suggest something more along the lines of "Once there was a young man named Alor. He was tall and hefty for his eighteen years of age, and a long scare stretched along his left cheek. Wherever he pasted, whispers sprung up about his quick temper and cruel nature. Often he would beat animals until blood dripped from his knuckles, splashing onto the fur covered ground. Then, he would walk away, a cruel smile stretched across his face."

My advice would be to string your sentences along more, a "show, don't tell." (For example, don't say the sun was shining. Show me the rays of sunlight glinting off the broken whine bottle."

All in all, good job, and I would love to see it with a little more development!

Howdy! Wickedlygoodwriter here for a review!
i agree with SoundsOfSilence, you had a really good idea but it needs a little bit of polishing up. i would check your spelling and tenses. i would also look to add a little bit more sentence variety to make the story "pop" a little more. you had some nice emotion but you could have brought that out a little more. none the less, very good story.

Hey, Sounds of Silence here!

I like the premise you have for this story. It's a good start, but this story was pretty short and I really feel like you could have done a lot more with it.

I would have loved to learn more about Alor's backstory. His mother had been upset with him, but readers might want to learn more about the whole living situation. Is he truly someone who is just angry, why is he angry, is he truly abused? What about that scar?There is a lot of potential there.

Second, you have some grammar mistakes that need smoothed out:

"One day,he got a scolding from his mother for breaking her glass crockery, while playing cricket. Angry on the incident, he beat a dog."

"On" Should be "about". You also had an instance or two where you wrote 'tored'. It should just be torn.

I would suggest adding spaces after your sentences as well, as it reads easier.

Also, the transition from the 'normal' to the horror aspects could have been broken up into two separate paragraphs. Don't be afraid to go into detail as well. Describe the horrific scenes: is this all in his mind, or was he taken somewhere else entirely? Horror is not an easy thing to write, but if you have some description it will definitely keep your readers wanting more.

If the character is going to go through a change, do something to make that character really want to change. Honestly, that was done well, but it seemed all to end too quickly and easily if that makes sense. Never be afraid to poke, prod, and torture a character a little. Make him apologize.

Finally:

"How did the ghost arrived? Where did it come from? Where did it vanished? How did it vanished?.....It all remained a MYSTRY."

'Arrived', 'Vanished'. This should just be 'arrive' and 'vanish' accordingly. Also, 'mystery' is spelled wrong. Though that could just be a typo rather than intentional.

Overall, you have something great here. I personally enjoy karma stories and this does have a good moral.

I hope this was helpful to you and didn't come off as too harsh, as that is not my intention.

Keep writing!