Your eyes are spools of black ink,
And your gaze is a Peacock's feather,
Dripping with the dark ink of beauty,
Writing your name artistically,
On the blank page of my heart.
--
The smile on your lips,
And the air brushing through your hair,
Enchants me to stand still,
As my heart follows the cadence
Guided by your sacred footsteps towards me.
--
I was lost and carried away,
By the fierce waves of the ocean of love,
As my heart skipped a beat,
Realising all l that I wanted
Was right in front of me.
--
Your eyes gazing into mine,
Filling happiness to the brim of heart,
As I saw my own reflection,
In the mirror of your pretty eyeballs,
You made me feel so special for you.
--
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,027 Literary Works • 672,773 Reviews
This is Weirdo, here with a review for review day. The usual stuff-
Please know that nothing in this review is meant to offend you or your work. This is just my opinion, you and other readers and reviewers could disagree. You also might want to completely ignore this, after all, it's just the opinion of a random person in the middle of somewhere. Sorry if I miss read something or misunderstood something and pointed it in the review. I didn't have the time to go through the previous reviews, so sorry if I repeat something already said.
That being said, let's get into this review.
In my previous review of your work (am not sure if you have read it yet), I said the following, and it applies here also
Spoiler
When it comes to poetry, it is definitely not necessary to follow exact grammar and style. Just experiment and it should be fine.
The 'and' here is unnecessary. Even I have the habit of over-using 'and', to avoid this, when you re-read your work before publishing, you can do this
1. mark every place where you have begun the sentence/line with 'and'
2. read each of these sentences/lines without 'and' and see if the usage is necessary
3. make changes as you wish
I like this paragraph best, but I think removing the word sacred could make it better. Just a thought.
I think it would sound better like this-
Just sounds better to me I guess
The last line is kind of disturbing the flow, it just didn't sound right. and also, 'my heart' instead of 'heart' would be better.
Hope this helps
Weirdo out
Yeah, i realised i stead of realising would be better... Thank you so much for the review!!
P.s. Overusing and thing is absolutely true ..knowingly or unknowingly it happens, should be avoided.
Glad to help
Hi there, Carla here for a review of your poem.
Wow, I always love your work but this is truly exceptional.
I love the structure of this poem, it is short but not that short (if you get what I mean.)
I love that it is about love. Most poems are about love but this is different from any others that I have read.
I love how you put them into 4 paragraphs which most people put them into more or less.
One little suggestion would be the rhyme scheme, there is none, but this doesn't matter as this poem makes up for it.
If you need any advice or have any questions just ask.
Over and out.
Oh ...just made my mood. Both you and @AutumnDawn... Thank you soooooo much for the review, dear Carla!! Means a loooot to me. <3 I have been practicing writing since such a loooong time. I am glad I have improved.
No problem, keep up the good work.
Yaaaay I will <3
I have a question
what does the
<3 mean
It means a heart ... Rotate the <3 such that 3 gets on the top. It should look like a heart xD
Awww
holy cow... I need a bucket now. this was so very beautiful. it made feel so.... lovely. you are always making such beautiful work. I loved how your work is so carefully written. and some of it always based off of love. and it just makes me feel so good. and inspires me to read even more of your work. and than write even more reviews for you.
I know reviews really should be like what is wrong with a poem or anything. but I rarely ever seen anything wrong. or sometimes I re-read it. all like oh no... but than never say anything cause its rude.
This world is but a canvas to our imagination. - Henry David Thoreau
Love is the only force capable of transforming an enemy into a friend. - Martin Luther King, Jr.
Beauty is when you can appreciate yourself. When you love yourself, that's when you're most beautiful. - Zoe Kravitz
Love is when the other person's happiness is more important than your own. - H. Jackson Brown,Jr.
Don't ever doubt yourselves or waste a second of your life. It's too short, and you're too special. - Ariana Grande
Thank you so much!!! This means a loooot to me!
<3 <3