The loud distinct voice turned into faint senseless prattle;
the white letters on the blackboard faded into the space.
Staring ahead, gazing through the board into the world so far,
painted with vivid colors of the art, happiness and freedom filled the air,
where the sun and the moon were the heaven's living heirs.
--
Riding the hot air balloon and flying up in the sky.
looking down at the prince and the princess
dancing together with locked gazes,
and at the flowers chatting with the bees,
and the bud blossoming at the soft touch
of the girl so pretty and as gentle as the breeze.
--
Finally the call of conscience arrived,
"You'll be charged extra for having more fun,"
and it pulled me back into the reality,
my eyes staring back at the board,
realizing how much of the taught concept I had lost.
The pain and regret was the same as that of
the moment we realize the extra loss of balance,
after the fully exhausted mobile data.
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125,027 Literary Works • 672,773 Reviews
hiii eros, hope you are doing well....
i loved it and i can see myself doing so which i have done in my school days. lost in our own world . i personally like the first para youdid a good job. is perfectly described. your choice of words are amazing...
the last para is also good. regretting what we miss and the consequences .... its was fun too...
good job keep it up...
Thank you so much sweta!!
welcome dear
Sophie here to review!
first stanza- so descriptive, I can see myself sitting in a chair staring at the board like this student is. the vocabulary is amazing! its so sophisticated and adds to this day dreaming
second stanza- this is showing the fairy tale portion of day dreaming and I love it! its so true and relatable with good descriptions.
third stanza-this really pulls it back together because it kind of drops the weight on this student. the world seemed perfect until they realize the truth. it is very well written and I enjoyed reading this quite a lot.
I believe my favorite stanza was
"
Finally the call of conscience arrived,
"You'll be charged extra for having more fun,"
and it pulled me back into the reality,
my eyes staring back at the board,
realizing how much of the taught concept I had lost.
The pain and regret was the same as that of
the moment we realize the extra loss of balance,
after the fully exhausted mobile data."
because it was so sad and made me feel the emotion and disappointment
Thank you so much, Sophie!
Helloooo! I'm here to review your poem. Honestly, I think your poem really shows the reality of life, it's not all fun and games, your actions have consequences. This is something I had to learn last year.... ahahaha. Anyways, I really enjoyed your poem and it was easy to understand, which was cool. I really liked the moral and I look forward to see more from you in the future! Overall, 10/10 poem, awesome job!
Thank you so much!
Good work, ive always admired free style poems, as long as the work is intuitive, which indeed you hit spot on and accurately. I hope to see more in the future, see you later! :3
Thank you so much!!
No problem
I love this so much. It's beautiful as well as relatable to people who love imagining or are creative. I personally feel this poem a lot as a daydreamer and I love to imagine things and make up worlds and stories in my head. This put in words, how I drift away to see beautiful and magical things in my mind but then the voice of the teacher or the classroom interrupt me. And my dreams go away, and I'm back in the awful classroom to reality and work.
My favorite line, (although I have many) is probably this:
~Finally the call of conscience arrived,
"You'll be charged extra for having more fun,"
and it pulled me back into the reality,
my eyes staring back at the board,
realizing how much of the taught concept I had lost.~
AHH SO BEAUTIFUL AND MEANINGFUL!
The only critique I have for this- is just a couple missing commas and everything else was great!
Keeping writing, I love this!
Hope this little review was helpful and encouraging.
Thank you so much!!
Halo @Eros I am here to review your poem lets get strait into it o by thank you for the link and mention to this poem,
can you exsplan this a bit more like the prattle for I have not really herd of it before maybe I can help you here if you explan it.Staring ahead, gazing through the board into the world so far, Loving this sen tins it seems to just cach my eyes grate work here.
going to make a suggestion for under this won it will be in bold. I hop that it helps you a bit.
where the sun and the moon were the heaven's living savers. Okay I hop that helped you a bit with that change of the last word.
okay maybe this will be better if you you took the word the out and put and a in so I will shoe you what I mean for a suggestion.
Riding a hot air balloon and flying up in the sky. I hop that helps you. okay so that is all I can say about this other then that it is really good nice work here.
@EalgeFly out to seek and kill
Thank you so much!!
your welcome.
Hi,
So nice, daydreams of children and adults during the lectures, the mind flies in the sky like a bird mean while the lazy body rests on the chair.
Finally the call of conscience arrived,
"You'll be charged extra for having more fun,"
and it pulled me back into the reality,
my eyes staring back at the board,
realizing how much of the taught concept I had lost.
The pain and regret was the same as that of
the moment we realize the extra loss of balance,
after the fully exhausted mobile data.
The last stanza is also a nice part as well very funny too. the concept of regret and the concept of balance and mobile data are well placed.
so nice to read this poem. keep writing.
Thank you so much, chinku!! Btw are you from India? Your username makes me think like that
You are welcome, yes, fortunately I'm from India.
Nice to see another Indian! *Cheerio!
Hey, I would like to ask you for some reviews on my poems. If you could.
Yeahhhh I will be glad!!