• Home

Young Writers Society

16+ Language

The Untold Stories Behind The Scars - 3

by Eros

Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.

A/N : This is my real life story, to get a better idea of it, please do read my previous chapters. 

I used to go regularly to the college for my Msc., until one day, when an incident happened. I was always dependant on my parents for everything. My mom or sometimes dad would drop me to college and pick me up back. 

Before we come to the incident, lemme give you a little background about my family...

My dad was an Automobile Engineer and used to work in power sector. We were originally from  Maharashtra state (India), but when i was in 1st grade my dad got transferred to Rajasthan (India). I made really awesome friends during our time span of 3 years in Rajasthan. We used to click pictures with our camera (back then smartphones weren't there). I wasn't camera shy, i used to pose like a model. We had a luxurious lifestyle and faced no shortage of money. 

Since my dad was the one who worked as a power plant manager i.e., to generate electricity, we were given free electricity supply. We used to turn on the AC before going out to restaurant for dinner and when we came back, the room would be cold af. Same for winters, our heaters were on most of the time. We used to take blankets in summer and turn on fans in winters lol. 

Also, my mom and dad's family was in Maharashtra. So we would sometimes travel to Maharashtra by Alto, the latest car we had of the time. That's when I realised I have a strong allergy to perfumes---- both car perfumes and the perfumes which my mom, dad and sister would always use. I used to feel nauseous and I would even vomit during the long travel by car because of the car perfume. But i wasn't knowing the reason back then as I was just in 1st grade. Now that i am 23, I understand that I have this allergy.

Back to the incident that I was talking about:

It was 28th August 2019. My mom was dropping me to college and like everyday, i was excitedly telling her about my teachers, my classmates, the PowerPoint presentation i had been making since 4 am in the morning that day... I had a habit of going to bed at 8 or 9pm and wake up exactly 5 hours later. This habit was inculcated in me by my mom back when I was in 10th grade. She used to say, "5 hrs sleep is enough! Come on wake up you gotta study," and she herself used to wake up with me at 1 or 2 am in the morning and take my studies in class (or grade) 10th. After that from class 12, I started getting up by myself very quietly so as to not disturb my mom's sleep. 

So on 28th August 2019, I woke up at 4 to finish my presentation of the academic seminar and while going to college i was telling her about the same. After we reached, i told her to drive safe and waved her a goodbye.

I never knew that would be the last goodbye. I was in the college, and didn't realise that my dad and sister were calling me continuously. After my college, I called my dad and he said that a problem has happened, your maternal uncle is coming to pick you up.

I thought something might have happened to grandma. But when he took me to the hospital which was near our home, i understood something was wrong. I was hoping that my mother was ok. My dad told me that mom met with an accident, but she'll be ok. I wasn't knowing the severity until as per the doctor's suggestion, mom was taken into the ambulance to be shifted to another speciality hospital.

In the ambulance, when I saw my mom i started crying out aloud, looking at her condition. She wasn't able to breathe properly and she was given water through the drips. The noise of the machine was horrifying. My sister and I both were crying and my dad's eyes were moist. For a month, my mom was in ICU of a hospital called, "Neuron." Being an Msc. Chemistry student, that day we made crystals in the lab, and i was really excited to show it to my mom. But I could never show it to her. I wanted to tell her a lot of things about what happened at college. 

For 5 days, she was in coma. We would go look at her place body, weep, pray to our Kuladevata goddesss Saptashrungi, to heal her. Every family has a "family God/Goddess" called as Kuladevata. I also kept cutting myself. 

After five days, my mom came back to consciousness and whenever we would visit her, she would start crying. 

My younger sister and I used to write holy chants in sets of 105. Whenever we felt worried about her health.

After 15 days, my mom was shifted from ISU to a normal ward and she was always on a ventilater and feeding tube. When we visited her that day, she started crying heavily, with taking short deep breaths and sobs. We told her to get well soon, and not to worry about our studies and that we are studying well.

We felt a hope that she'll be better as she was shifted in the normal ward. But in the middle of the night, she was again shifted to ICU. We were told that her kidneys aren't functioning well. Urine isn't being generated upto the quantity which was expected and she couldn't be put on dialysis either because her BP was low. She was given blood. And another 15 days later, the doctor told us that there are no hopes. Since the kidneys were not functioning well, the blood wasn't getting purified and because of that impure blood being circulated in the body, her lungs, heart and every organ started developing infections and on 26th September 2019, we lost her. I stopped going to college, again being imprisoned in my own home for 2 more years. So in total, the 3 years of Bsc and 2 years of Msc, i was in my home for 5 years.

Before my mom passed away, when i was in class 12th, i used to love a guy in my school, named Mohit... Mohit Prakash Mohite. I used to write a diary describing his beauty and my feelings in it. My mom read it one day and tore if off and threw it away. In India, love isn't accepted openly. Two lovers have to struggle a lot. My family wasn't open minded. Some families do accept it though.

So to avoid the diary being read by anyone, i learnt Japanese and started writing in that language. But after mom's death, I knew no one will read it, so i continued writing in English, later started adding Hindi and once or twice Marathi. (Hindi and Marathi (Maharashtrian language) are Indian languages). 

In the next chapter, I'll tell you about my friendships. 

Is this a review?



User avatar
608 Reviews

Points: 68440
Reviews: 608

Fri Sep 02, 2022 11:09 pm
Plume wrote a review...

Hey there! Plume here, with a review! I noticed your work has been in the green room for a bit, so I thought I'd review it to bump it out! I skimmed the first two parts so I'd have a better idea of what was going on.

Gosh, this was heartbreaking. First of all, my condolences; it sounds like you've have countless struggles in your life and I really hope you're able to find some happiness these days. You write very well and I had a nice time reading the three parts of your story.

The way you tell the story is very nice. One of my favorite storytelling aspects of yours is how you weave in really nice details in the story. It's not so laden down with information that it gets confusing and hard to follow, but still gave enough that it felt like more than a summary. The way you write is very engaging. I liked the details you included before you describe your mother's incident as well; they really emphasized how tragedies like that can happen on days just like any other.

The one thing I wondered about was what your end goal for the piece. I know you mentioned that you started writing to cope with the pain, but I wasn't sure if you have more lofty goals with this (like turning it into some sort of memoir). If so, I think it's important to consider what type of voice you want to have. At the beginning, you used a lot of slang like "lol" and "af," which wouldn't necessarily be good to include in narration if you ended up publishing this one day. Feel free to ignore this qualm if you only plan on publishing it here, though; it's perfectly fine to have it in a more informal setting.


i used to pose like a model.

Small grammar thing here: "i" should be capitalized.

So in total, the 3 years of Bsc and 2 years of Msc, i was in my home for 5 years.

Same thing here!

Overall: nice work! I think you did a great job at conveying information and giving really nice relevant details to flesh out the story and make it seem more human. I hope to read more from you soon! Until next time!

User avatar
1232 Reviews

Points: 119938
Reviews: 1232

Sun Jul 24, 2022 8:33 am
View Likes
MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...

Hi Eros,

Mailice here with a short review! :D

This is a very deep and touching story that makes you think. Especially the style, which seems very simplified, makes it all the more impressive to read the story.

I haven't read the first two parts, but it's still easy to follow the story because you use a good style and write everything in a chronological period. I especially like how the tone of the story changed before the accident and after the accident, as you can see here:

I wasn't camera shy, i used to pose like a model.

Or here:

We used to turn on the AC before going out to restaurant for dinner and when we came back, the room would be cold af.

The narrator is very open and also admits that they are wealthy, and also in this case, you can tell from the language that the family is doing very well. There is no direct evidence of prayers or deities here, where everything changes after the accident. I think this is a good contrast, and again effectively shows what has happened.

Also, my mom and dad's family was in Maharashtra. So we would sometimes travel to Maharashtra by Alto, the latest car we had of the time.

Here's a quick point where I thought the "so" was a little out of place because it's told so incidentally. It comes across to me as if it is an additional piece of information that is not directly related to the plot, which makes me as a reader feel like I am forgetting this information. I would rewrite it to sound different, or maybe start with the point right away, which is why this point was inserted.

So on 28th August 2019, I woke up at 4 to finish my presentation of the academic seminar and while going to college i was telling her about the same.

I like how you have inserted a repetition here in the next paragraph, showing something of a commonality between the narrator and the mother. There is an intimate connection that helps to take it deeper as a reader and also, most importantly, with this repetition it seems a little easier and more understandable.

In summary, it is a tragic story that you have written. One small criticism, is that the second half is a little off the pace. I would try to slow it down a bit, like in the first half.

Have fun writing!


Eros says...

Hey! Thank you so much for the review... This is my own life story and I started writing it as a means to cope up with pain.. Thanks a lot xD :D <3

We do have funerals for the living. They're called birthday parties.
— Jill Biden (fictitiously), Hope Never Dies