• Home

Young Writers Society

The March 2023 Review Day Begins In...

[ Click here for more info ]

PubG !

by Eros

People standing like indifferent stones

Flying kiss or punch, they're not gonna care;

All they're gonna do is just stare and stare,


People run, some lay down, some squat

My team mates shouting out,

"Turn on voice chat."

But the plane arrives and off we go.


Unity is strength, but we still get scattered,

For everyone wants,

To steal better weapons.


Saving our own life, riding a car,

Five alive out of a hundred,

I drove towards the wounded team mate,

Who wasn't not so far.


As i tried to revive him,

I was suddenly knocked down,

Mercilessly shot twice ...and thrice

And all that was left behind

Was a lonely little wooden crate.

Is this a review?



User avatar
1162 Reviews

Points: 133333
Reviews: 1162

Sun Dec 30, 2018 9:32 pm
View Likes
lliyah wrote a review...

Love the phrase "flying kiss or punch, they're not going to care" - it's the type of line you have to read twice, because it's unexpected and contradictory. I'm not familiar with this game, but it seems like an exciting one. The poem is exciting to read through with the constant action.

I think it could be helped with a bit more of a consistent speaker - rather than all of these events unfolding in an almost unrelated way. If there was a consistent narrative or speaker it'd help readers relate to the poem. That being said you have some nice pieces of imagery, and the action makes the poem an exciting one to read as I said earlier.

You might capitalize "i" in the last stanza as you capitalize it elsewhere. And then I'd also take out the ellipses (...) because it actually takes away the drama and slows down the drama of the piece as it seems like the narrator is trailing off their words at an important point in the poem.

Overall, I'd love to see this with even more narrative development, but as is, you make an intriguing poem that makes me curious about this game that it describes!

Nice job Eros! Never stop writing poetry!


Eros says...

Thank you so much, alliyah, for this helpful review!! I will definitely keep this in mind, for improvement. Thank you so much!!

User avatar
98 Reviews

Points: 4255
Reviews: 98

Sat Dec 22, 2018 8:47 pm
trashykawa says...

who knew how deep pubg was

User avatar
12 Reviews

Points: 32
Reviews: 12

Thu Dec 20, 2018 11:41 pm
View Likes
James565611 says...

wow Eros, this is a nice piece. i loved it. funny tittle though

Eros says...

Thank you so much for the comment! Your words are so inspiring... I will keep writing!

User avatar
34 Reviews

Points: 74
Reviews: 34

Thu Dec 20, 2018 6:36 pm
View Likes
Swetachowdhury0 wrote a review...

Hii eros, how are you doing?? I hope you are fine and enjoying your time...

I like the title of the poem....btw Do you play the game too??. I know many who are gone crazy for this game...

Your poem is very nice and well written like always..i enjoyed it. The last para was good, i mean the whole poem is good but i like the last para.... Have a good time...

Eros says...

Heyyyyyy!!! I am fine! Yess lol I play that game very much .. it's superb game yaaar! Winner winner chicken dinner :D

Swetachowdhury0 says...

Haha....right... Enjoy dear... Have fun

Eros says...


I’d heard he had started a fistfight in one of the seedier local taverns because someone had insisted on saying the word “utilize” instead of “use".
— Patrick Rothfuss, A Wise Man's Fear