Young Writers Society

Hey Eros!

This is an interesting piece of poetry as your concepts are fixed on how the world isn't the same without a special someone or something.

Content wise, your concepts are clear with discussing and providing comparisons to how without this special somebody, the world won't function properly. I see this as a case of stereotyping, as in people need to be like this in order for things to be normal. Readers can see this as good or even bad stereotyping.

Grammar and Spelling, is good. Be careful to check over your spelling, like "guitar" in the last stanza. Otherwise, everything is intact.

Structure wise, you've organized your content into stanzas of three equal lines. Each stanza is significant, as you discuss each aspect of the world not being the same without this special someone.

The content is coherent, as simply you're providing examples of how the world isn't the same without your other half/special somebody/special something.

Literary Devices are effectively used in your descriptions. I am able to spot adjectives, similes, metaphors, and personification.


My personal rating for this work is 4.4/5


I'll add a "like" since your work got 80%+ from me

Hi Eros, Felistia here with a review for you on this wonderful day.

Title: The title you chose I think is a perfect match for the poem. It is practically the first line.

Theme: I really liked the descriptive theme you had going through this poem. It gave me a feeling for what you were trying to say and gave me some great pictures along the way.

Description: As I said before, the description in this poem was great. It gave great pictures that added meaning and interest to the poem.

Rhythm: The rhythm for the most part was great and I really liked the rhymes. I did have a few problems though. There was the one stanza were you seemed to drop the rhymes

Me without you

is a forest without trees,

the smiles and the happiness are all just lies.

I cant fly and cross the tall things.

is the night without moon,

is a heart without heartbeat,[\quote]
Apply all of what I've said and it looks like this

is like a heart without a heartbeat

Hello!

I saw the title and thought it would be good, so I came over to see it. This is a unique style of poetry to what I've seen before, and I think you really convey the emotions well. I love how you talk about the guitar without strings, and the heart without a heartbeat . . . these are both great lines.

There was one thing I saw though:

"Me without you
is a forest without trees
The smiles and happiness are just all lies"

This was just the one verse that I think you could tweak a bit. I noticed through the poem that you had a really nice rhyming scheme, but this verse just randomly breaks out of it a bit. I don't know if it's deliberate, but maybe you could try another word and then see which works best. But, not forgetting, it's your poem, and whatever you want to do with it is the thing you should do.

I think this poem was really good and the last line particularly got me - it's such a nice finish and has a lot of emotion packed into a few words. There is real skill there.

Well done and I hope to read more of your work!