Radrook here a once again to offer some suggestions.
Apologies if i offend. It isn’t my intention.
Please feel full free to cast aside all things you deem not helpful.
But if you do be sure its true by being extra careful.
That having been said:
Thanks for sharing the poem expressing an attempt at self destruction via the slicing of wrists.
It is always sad to read such things since one fears that if it is the writer who is confessing the suicidal attempt, the writer will attempt it again. Makes one wonder exactly what led the person to such a drastic decision.
True, being entwined in ones’s own problems is poetic, but what exactly did that entwining involve? Why could it not have been dis-entwined? Rumors? Why couldn’t they be ignored? Depression, why not seek help? That some people don’t listen doesn’t mean everyone will not listen. There are people who make it their profession to listen and offer help.
The poem is rhymed well and it flows well for the most part. There is a calmness and lack of desperation or show of emotion that gives an impression of unemotional determination. This makes the message seem even more urgent.
Suggestions
To keep the meter running smoothly:
. . . . thoughts to heart tightly pinned
Baffled and kowing not
[Baffled and knowing not]
Looking forward to reading more of your poetry.
Points: 664
Reviews: 841
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