Eyeballs like drops of black ink,
Spilled in the golden oceans of his eyes;
Those eyes so attractive,
Bordered with black strokes of beauty.
--
That wild beast beneath the furs,
A symbol of strength and freedom is he;
Though not a ruler of animal kingdom,
Beware, their howls are adrenaline spurs!
--
Look at that brotherhood,
That unity, that power in that pack of wolves;
They can still roam around as lone,
Dauntless & unafraid, symbol of loyalty is he.
--
The perfect jaw and canines so sharp,
Gathering in the night so stark,
Seemingly howling at the full moon,
Savouring their hunted hare, deer and lark,
In the woods, hiding in the dark,
That untamed animal loves to wander...
---
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Canary word: Present
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125,027 Literary Works • 672,773 Reviews
hi Eros,
it's a beautiful poem you have written, characterizing the beauty of an untamed animal.
keep writing.
Thank you so much, glad you liked it!
Hey there Eros! Katja here to review your poem!
As with all of my reviews feel free to disregard any and all comments or suggestions I make should you find them to be unhelpful. That being said, onto the review!
Overall Opinion
Your poem seemingly portrays a wolf, an untamed animal with beauty and ferocity who lives to hunt and thrive.
I love how you make it a point in the first stanza to describe the wolf itself, helping me to visualize. The photo paired with the poem worked well, although the poem itself helped me picture the wolf just fine too. I love how you worded it too! Overall I really enjoyed this poem. I'e always loved wolves so maybe I'm a little biased haha, but truly I love your poem<3
Suggestions
As I see these two lines were most likely inspired by the image, I would say the first line isn't accurate as the eyeballs themselves are not black, but the pupils. and likewise, the "golden oceans" are the iris of the eye, and the "eyeballs" being drops of black ink wouldn't make sense. Instead, perhaps, "Pupils like drops of black ink, Spilled into his golden irises"... 100% my opinion, but that's my take on it.
Not a suggestion at all, but I LOVE this line. Paired with the image, and seeing the black outlines around his eyes.. "black strokes of beauty" made me imagine the eyes of the wolf being painted on. I felt this line was rather artistic and poetic.
Added "the"
"their" in this case would make more sense as "his" only because you have referred to the wolf as he up until this point. The next stanza, it makes sense because you change the point to the pack, but up until then it is focused on a "he" or just "the wolf" as a singular.
I love how you ended this!
That's it! I really enjoyed this poem, I like these animal focused poem's you've written so far. I hope you write more like these! I look forward to reading more soon!
Keep Writing,
-Katja
Thank so much for the review Katja!!
Wow, nice poem. I love how you expressed charactoristics in symbolism, good wording! I have a lil advice, though im not sure of the extent of what you intended for this, so it may be smart to just ignore me, but i kinda paused at the point of which you were listing the hunted. Listing can be used in some cases, but usually at the cost of flowability. All in all however, wonderfull job, hope to hear some more soon! :3
Thank you for the review!! Glad you liked it...
Thank you for the poem. :3
Hii eros, great work first of all.
The poem goes very well with the picture. And the way you have described the animal is amazing. Those lines about his eyes are so well written... Your choice of words is going great with the poem. I like it and keep writing....
Thank you so much, Sweta!!
You are amazing dear...keep writing...
Hiya! I think your poem was fairly good and the words you chose made it enjoyable to read! The only critique I have is I think the ending was a little abrupt, in my opinion. Other than that I think your poem was excellent! Good luck with your other works
Thank you so much for the review! Glad you liked it
Hey I changed the ending a bit ... Will you please look at it and tell me if That has improved a bit?
I think it%u2019s better, nice writing!
Thank you!