z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Expectations

by Eros


There was a girl of 15, who always

expected something in return

of everything she did.


She got good grades in the exams, 

But she expected even more

and always felt sad on getting

less than she expected.


This went on and

she never got marks and grades

more than expected or even as much as expected;

It was always four to five marks less than expected.


Years rolled by and she turned 18.

She fell in love with a boy who was 

six months younger than her. 

The boy loved her too.

But again she started making expectations.


She expected his texts and calls,

His being online on Whatsapp,

And when he didn't show up,

Or texted or called her

At the time she expected

She came to near frustration.


She didn't express her frustration or anger

In front of the boy though,

Because she loved him very much

And his fair and handsome face

Made her to forget everything.


Months and years passed.

She still loved the boy,

And the boy loved her too.

She was 24 now and so was the boy.


Both of them were very hard working

And made good progress in their careers.

The love they shared was constructive.

Constructive in the sense,

They inspired each other to work hard

To achieve success.


At this age they had their cars and their homes,

And they got married with each other.

Even after marriage she kept expectations

From the boy, now her husband. Expectations

To come home early and take her to a restaurant

Or a romantic candle light dinner.

And when he didn't do anything of this kind,

She, again became unhappy.


One day, fed up with this every day story

Of her expectations getting shattered,

She decided that that day she won't make any expectations

And see what does she gets in return.


That very same eve, her love gave her

A soft kiss on her soft cheeks

And asked her to get ready for going

To the best restaurant of their city.


She was surprised at that

And , "Darling, you look so beautiful

When you smile with amazement",

Said her husband to her.


Always remember dear friends,

Expectations are important

But not always.



And the day you'll leave all the

Unnecessary expectations

You'll be happy

Because you look even more sweet

And handsome

And pretty

When you smile with amazement,

When you get something out of nowhere.


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63 Reviews


Points: 17
Reviews: 63

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Sun May 28, 2017 3:25 am
Werthan wrote a review...



The whole time I was reading this, I imagined it to the tune of a country song for some reason. I think the message "don't have expectations" is kind of bad because it tends to mean "don't have standards" rather than "don't expect things out of people", but that isn't bad in itself because most authors get their meanings butchered anyways. For example, here's a Hemingway quote that people often sling around for inspiration:

“The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong at the broken places."

Now, here's the full version:

“The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong at the broken places. But those that will not break it kills. It kills the very good and the very gentle and the very brave impartially. If you are none of these you can be sure that it will kill you too, but there will be no special hurry.”

So I'd make this into a song for uptight people if I wanted to spread the message, but not a country song since uptight people don't listen to country generally.




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Points: 1200
Reviews: 47

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Sun May 28, 2017 12:53 am
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Birdman wrote a review...



Hey there Eros. Birdman dropping by to help rescue your work from the green room.

First off, even as free verse, this doesn't work as a poem. It follows this story that is barely pieced together as it is, and then you go splitting lines and centering them. It needs to have more balance and not stumble through using expectations (or a form of it), in every single line. The repetition is not pretty and does more to hurt your work than help it. Considering it has a very light lyrical tone to it, you could possibly with a good bit of work turn this into a better shaped piece.

I'd start with taking it off the center alignment and really think about where you want your stanza and line breaks to be. If you want to keep them like this, there is a fair amount of adjusting to be done, which is why taking a different route might be better to do. Take the first stanza for instance.

There was a girl of 15, who always
expected something in return
of everything she did.

1. There is absolutely no flow to these lines, no hint at imagery or even anything slightly appealing to the eyes of the reader. The words are rushed through, there's little to no emotion hanging off of them. There's absolutely nothing in this poem, that makes me want to read it or try to enjoy it, which is why I'm here trying to help you fix it.
2. The wording itself is funky so when added in conjunction with awkward splits, it puts a bad taste into my mouth almost immediately. The opening stanza needs to be strong and attention grabbing, something to make it stick out from the rest of the pack. For this reason, I encourage you to adopt some symbolism and imagery, leading gracefully into this bigger issue of 'expectations'.

The main aspect of this poem is the repetition of expectations, which as I said, grew quite annoying after awhile. I think it's a good thing to keep in here because as an every so often reminder, it would work nicely, just not nagging. There's a difference between a slight reminder and nagging. You just have to tweak and mess around with this a bit. That's kind of my advice for improving the whole poem, experiment. Poetry and prose works are one of the few things in life where it's good to mess around and experiment with different things. You took the step of getting all the way here with this piece of poetry. Now you need to take the next big step and jump into successfully editing.

I feel like I'm starting to repeat myself here. If you want further explanation on some editing, feel free to shoot me a PM.
That's all I've got for now.
Birdman out.




Eros says...


Hey Birdman... I thought upon what you are trying to say... And yes, I do agree with it.

Thanks for the review, I'll surely try to edit this as soon as possible and try on the improvement...

Thanks a lot, again!




Deadlines just aren't real to me until I'm staring one in the face.
— Rick Riordan, The Lightning Thief