Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence.
Never liking mankind,
Misanthrope was I;
Hatred making me blind,
Why O' Why?
--
Went to a swimming pool,
Thinking i would calm down
With the water of the pool so cool
But in fraction of seconds did I frown.
--
She went on talking & I scowled with hate
To myself I said,
I can see your fate,
If I will leave you alive or you'll be dead.
--
She kept on talking, I didn't want to hear
She kept testing my patience like a fool
I moved towards her, she trembled with fear
With anger, I pushed her into the pool.
--
I killed her, I killed her
My soul would murmur
Guilty was I
I did this, why O why?
A/N : I don't want to criticize or make a humor of misanthrope, I just dreamt of that incident and I thought to put forth the thoughts via a poem...
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140,499 Literary Works • 673,255 Reviews
Hi, I just want to say, WOW. This poem was very very different from some poems or even stories I've read, like talking about a murder from a first person's view, that was quite refreshing and I liked the way you used it to question yourself why you did it and also in part I feel like it could be a question towards mankind in general, like maybe why that girl still kept talking, I'm not sure if you actually intended for that? But all in all, it was quite a breather.
( also, wow that was a wild dream!)
Thank you so much !!
hello ! first of all this poem is very well written so i hope that you continue writing and publishing your thoughts/dreams/creations here. i myself love writing about dreams i have because my brain/imagination is really a strange place. but i have to admit that this is something i had never dreamed of, or anything related to it for that matter. do you have an idea of why you had that dream? maybe you watched a movie or read a book that had this scene? or is it something you are used to having dreams about?
once again this was really great to read and i really enjoyed it! keep writing! -a
In that dream I was not myself. I saw that I was in the form of a hero from a movie... But that scene or anything resembling that wasn't in the movie. And also, I used that name of that hero as the name of my character in the novel that I am recently...
I dreamt of that only once ... Dreams are really so mysterious. I love to read about dreams ...
Thanks for your sweet review !
BTW I was really feeling guilty after I woke up
Radrook here a once again to offer some suggestions.
Apologies if i offend. It isn’t my intention.
Please feel full free to cast aside all things you deem not helpful.
But if you do be sure its true by being extra careful.
That having been said:
That is some dream you had! The poem seems to be asking the question as to why such feelings emerge. Well, they emerge because mankind has the nasty habit of trampling upon its own members. That trampling causes resentment, and if it is frequent enough, it definitely can lead to victims hating mankind in general.
But this isn’t merely a common strong dislike, in the dream the hatred leads to murder. The poet refers to that misanthropist mentality as being in his past which to me indicates that he or she no longer feels that way. Yet he seems baffled as to why it had to lead to murder. After all, only words were involved.
Such a question can only be answered by the person asking. It requires information that the reader doesn’t have and which is necessary in order to correctly evaluate motives. Some people are just inherently violent prone and have extreme difficulty controlling their emotions and behavior. Others, such as the ancient Spartans, are victims of their environment or upbringing. Still others are simply pushed over the edge by intense and excessive abuse. It all depends.
Suggestion
A steady metrical beat would greatly enhance the flow of the read.
Capitalizing every first letter of a line made me hesitate.
Pass through a spell checker
murmer
[murmur]
Always try to diversify the word choices.
If a word is repeated to close to another or appears to often then it is best to seek synonym alternatives or words of more or less similar meanings.
She went on talking & I frowned with hate
[She went on talking & I scowled with hate . . .]
The word “did” was once used as a filler to keep the meter correct but is now considered an archaism.
did I frown.
[I frowned]
The following needs to be expressed a different way for clarity.
[If I will leave you alive or you'll be dead.]
--------------------------------------------------
BTW
It was a very helpful review !
Actually I would like to put the rason behind the violence as some past bitter experiences, like being fed up of excessive shyness, along with getting bullied in the past by peers, current peers isolating the person, leading to long absence from college, and above that peers not helping the person to complete assignments etc.
And another reason being, feeling bad about a small mistake By the doctor, leading the person in an inability to walk gracefully. The injury doesn't make a big difference, but as the person has already beared a lot of sadness because of mankind, it turned the person into a murderer...
I am not understanding how should I put in these thoughts without disturbing the rhyming scheme. Perhaps I will think more deeply and I will get some idea.
I loved this review as it was very helpful. I edited that scowl thing along with the spelling mistake ...
Thanks a lot, again !!
Did I frown was actually added so that it rhymes with down
The down/frown rhyme is good.