HEY!! There, I read your second chapter, can't find the third one. Have you posted the third one!??
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They were chatting about whoever Sukoi was and I wasn't listening to their talks that ardently and I didn't even realise when their chattering seemed like Nothin more than low mosquito buzzing. I was still thinking about Miss Hitler and the relief I got after I escaped from that classroom. Suddenly, everyone stood up and I realised they were greeting the teacher with chorus, "Good morning." I wasn't able to see who the teacher was, because all the tall figures were standing in front of me.
I quickly stood up, sat down and looked straight towards the teacher. I was terrified to see Miss Hitler again. I sat there frozen.
I was flooded with thoughts, "Now I'll become a joke in front of the whole classroom. Oh, man! There are 5 new students here! Three are girls! What my impression will be...oh, oh!"
"Bro..." I tapped on Kazuro's shoulder.
"Bro!" I slapped him, though I didn't mean to. He woke up from the thoughts and looked at me with anger, but his anger cooled down on looking the seriousness and terror on my face. He twisted his fingers, asking what the matter was. I whispered to Kazuro and Hiroyama, "Miss Hitler was teaching in previous lecture in the class where I accidentally slipped in!" I continued, "Bro, please do something---" Kazuro stood up as soon as Miss Hitler turned towards the blackboard, and I glided on the bench, sliding towards the corner. I tried to stay out of eyes of Miss Hitler, who was roaming in the classroom. I was afraid that she will disclose the secret of me goofily stepping in the wrong classroom. She was coming closer towards me. I quickly slipped under the desk and tried to stay hidden for sometime---perks of having short height. I felt like an undercover cop, hiding under the bench.
Miss Hitler, however caught me and my heartbeats raced.
"What are you doing there?"
I stood up and immediately started throwing excuses on her, "Ma'am my eraser fell down--"
"YOU!?" She yelled at me.
I squeezed my eyes thinking, "Oh. She caught that!"
"Why didn't you tell me that you accidentally entered the wrong classroom, Davis?"
"Ma'am---i was...just" I was trying to think about an excuse and everyone laughed loudly together. I was feeling humiliated, honestly, but I tried to act normal and smiled and laughed with the other classmates.
"Okay! Silence. Sit down, Davis. You should be careful. Aimless vagabond."
"Aimless vagabond" giggled the classroom, repeating Miss. Hitler's words.
I smiled as naturally as I could, though I was almost on the verge of crying.
"Silence!!" She screamed. "Sit down, Davis. Next time, be careful and don't hesitate to tell the teachers! We are here to mend your mistakes."
"Huh!" I thought, "Who'll tell a teacher like your who makes a fun like this in front of the whole classroom?"
I still managed to reply, "Yes, ma'am. Sorry, ma'am," and I sat back on the bench.
The bell rang and the class got finally over. I wanted to roam around for a few minutes before the next period started and therefore, I went towards the washroom.
I was still thinking about the classroom laughing at me, and I didn't realise when did I almost sneak into the girls' washroom. Thank Goodness there was no one around, and I realised my mistake on perfect time. I immediately came outside and entered the boys' washroom.
I sighed after I closed the door behind. "What an unlucky day! Firstly the wrong classroom, then sitting with a girl! And then bearing Miss Hitler AGAIN! And now, I was almost inside the girls' washroom!!" I shook my head and looked at the tensed face in the mirror. I washed my face with the cool water, hoping that it'll help me keep my mind on place.
I sighed again, "Ah. What's happening with me."
I looked at my reflection in the mirror. Drops of water dripping down my fair, oval face. I ran my wet hands through my black, silky hair and tried to set them over my forehead. I liked to run wet hands through my hair. It cooled down my head and also, I knew that I look good when I do that. I patted my face dry with my handkerchief.
I went back to the classroom and attended the next lecture. The lunch time arrived and we shared our tiffins merrily and we chatted and laughed a lot. Me, Hiroyama and Kazuro were a group of the most energetic boys of the class. Soon, all of the boys came and join us. We savoured the tasty food and everyone seemed to have forgotten the joke in Miss Hitler's class.
The next lectures got over and we went back to home. On the way back to home, Hiroyama and Kazuro again started the subject of Sukoi and I was least interested in the subject, so I waved them goodbye and left alone for the home. If they had not started that subject again, we three would have gone together hand in hand till the chowk and separate our ways from that junction.
HEY!! There, I read your second chapter, can't find the third one. Have you posted the third one!??
Hey there! Happy Review Day! C:
So I found it interesting that he was scared to say that he'd come into the wrong class- and that bothers me too because like, I feel like teachers that make kids THAT anxious shouldn't be allowed to teach. It's just so not cool. I could seriously rant about teachers and public schools forever but I think I'll leave that for another day.
"Bro!" I slapped him, though I didn't mean to.
He woke up from the thoughts and looked at me with anger, but his anger cooled down on looking the seriousness and terror on my face.
Hello again!!
I'll continue with where I left off my last review. I'm worried that you're falling into the trap of writing a series of events rather than an actual plot in this novel so far. Two chapters in, I'm not getting a firm sense of what the plot is going to be, instead it's just silly and unfortunate things happening to the main character. (And my bad, I assumed the main character was a girl in my last review, and I realize now it's a boy :p).
A book is comprised of three elements - characters, premise, plot. If we look at an example like Harry Potter (my personal favorite!), the characters are Harry, Ron, Hermione, etc. The premise is the overall concept of the book - Harry finds out he's a wizard and goes to a magic school. The plot is what actually happens - Harry works with his friends to find the Sorcerer's Stone before Voldemort does.
You definitely have characters, and it's clear that you've spent some time with your characters and know them well. I'm not 100% clear on your premise other than it takes place at a school, and I'm not 100% clear on your plot.
If you haven't thought about the premise and plot much yet, that's okay! First drafts are all about exploring, but you'll have a much easier time knowing what happens next if you have an idea of what the premise and plot are. One way to start to figure it out is what I posed in my last review - what does your main character want, what's standing in their way, and why does it matter. This is the overall plot arc of the novel. (Harry wants to get the stone, but he's only 11 and he doesn't know much magic and no one believes him, and if he doesn't Voldemort could become powerful again). Your character will probably want multiple things, and those other things will become subplots.
Let me know if you have any questions, if you'd like feedback about something I didn't mention, or if you'd like to talk more about your premise or plot!
Points: 56
Reviews: 7
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