PART 1:~ Poem: I don't know why?
I don't know why,
I feel as if you're God,
with super powers to change everything.
I don't know why,
I feel as if you are not a human being,
but you are a modern form of Lord, with special energy.
I don't know why,
I feel as if you do not come in front of me,
but you appear magically in front of me.
I really don't know why,
I feel you are here with a special puropse--
A special purpose to change me.
I don't know why,
I feel as if God is in human beings,
we need to search Him.
I don't know why,
I feel as if God can be seen,
when we love someone
truely,
purely,
selflessly.
I dont know why,
I see the world in your eye
like the world is seen in God's eye.
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140,783 Literary Works • 673,688 Reviews
Hey, there, Eros! Ah, lovely poem for your Mohit
I really loved this piece, it was interesting and you took the whole "hey I love you" kind of theme and spun it around to create your own. I thought it was really creative!
On the repetition of the "I don't know why"s I'm afraid I'm going to have to disagree with Mage below me. I liked them, and I thought it was a fabulous repetition idea, but I feel like it was used almost too much. My suggestion to you (which you can totally dump if you want) is too, maybe below each stanza, add another juicy stanza without the "I don't know why". This would 1) enhance the poem, and add more (but this is a part 1 so I don't know how much info/emotion you want to express here) and 2) cut out the constant repetition. I think you could either do that or just omit some of the "I don't know why"s. Again, this is totally up to you if you think there are too many - I just think it would make it more polished, and less repetitive (in some cases repetition is good).
One little nitpick;
Should be "don't".
My favorite part of this poem would have to be the ending;
When reading this, I was definitely expecting some cool "twist" or something a bit more different or something that pops more out at us readers at the end of the poem. And, here we are! I think this definitely works and brings the poem to an extremely smooth ending.
That's all I have to say! Looking forward to Part 2
~ EternalRain <3
Hey Eros! It's Mage here, and I'm going to be the first of *hopefully* many to review this poem!
I really love how you keep repeating the, "I don't know why," and the "I feel" parts. It helps to connect each stanza, and I really think that drives in the point that you're not sure why things happen, but you accept them as true.
My first revision would be making sure you always have an apostrophe in between the "n" and the "t" in "don't".
Second thing:
I'm not sure if you mean that we need to search for him, or if that was just your word choice there. If you didn't mean to add "for", then totally ignore what I just said.
Once again, I'm not sure on how punctuation in poems work, so I'm not sure if I'm right when I say that you did perfectly on them.
Other than those two little nitpicky details, this was awesome! Keep up the great work - which I doubt you'll have trouble with - and good luck on all of your writing endeavors (And with Mohit, because something tells me that this was about him.
Exactly! This was about him... Thank you so much for the review, Mage!
You're welcome!