z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

The Magical Musician---2

by Eros


Chapter 2 : 

The Rush Before Going To School.

"Ah, boy! Aren't you the same one I met yesterday?"

Sabu looked up at the tall man, "Yes, Abba." He then stretched out his hand towards him, "Friends?"

Abba laughed. "Friends."

"Abba, please come home with us," the boys requested him.

"But, but boy," Abba wiped the sweat on his forehead with his hands, "I don't know you. Your family would not be so happy to meet an uninvited stranger."

For once, Sanju was lost in happiness as he listened to Abba's same shaky voice. The voice so chirpy and as light as a sparrow's tweet and a bit blabbing tone like that of an innocent little child.

"No, Abba, we are friends now," Sabu looked at Sanju and continued, "We won't go without taking you back to our home."

"Yes, Abba! We won't go," Sanju gripped Abba's hands and forced him to go with them to their home.

Abba gave up and started walking with the two kids. They talked about games, and lots of homework, and studies and how the sun was blazing fire upon them.

Sabu suddenly blurted out, "But Abba, how did you become alive?"

Sanju quickly grabbed him and cupped his hands over Sabu's mouth.

"Did you say something?"

Sanju smiled, "No, no--noth--nothing." 

"Can't you keep quiet?" Sanju whispered.

"But Bhai--"

"Shh. Just shhh," Sanju said as he placed his finger on his lips. 

Slowly they walked back to their destiny where everyone was standing in the garden of the mansion, keeping an ardent eye over the gate.

Lajwanti, the children's mother hugged them, and a tear of happiness rolled down her cheeks as she saw Abba entering the mansion. 

"Oh, man! The old man's alive! Now what about my property!" Yashwanti and Parimal, the other two daughters in law didn't seem much happy at Abba's arrival, although they were the first ones to say,

"Welcome home, Abba! We... we can't express how... sad... happy we are to see you back after so many days!" Obviously, over acting.

Huhh... What so many days? It's been just some 5-6 days! Both of them thought.

Everyone welcomed him and they chatted, having fun together. The day ended up pretty fast. Someone correctly said, time flies faster when you are very happy. Yashwanti's husband, Yashraj returned home from his office. He was shocked to see Abba. He was also scared a bit at the idea of the person in front of him being a ghost. 

He gestured his wife from the door, "Yashwanti! Is he real?"

Yashwanti tried to read her husband's lips and answered, "Yes! He is," her lips curved down and a frown appeared on her forehead. After sometime, Paresh and Lokesh, Parimal and Lajwanti's respective husbands came back from their work. They were both happy to meet Abba and all the three gents touched Abba's feet as a mark of respect.

The next morning as always, Lajwanti woke up at four. She freshened up and had a bath. It was 4:30. She first sweeped the floor of the whole house. She then wiped it with a damp cloth. After that, she went in the garden and worshiped the rising sun as she believed worshiping the sun would make her day happy and full of positivity and good luck. She also plucked the beautiful roses, white and red, and put them in her favorite stone-studded vase.

She looked at the clock and it was 5:30 already. She went into Sanju and Sabu's bedroom and woke them up. She kept calling their names, but they refused to even move a little. At last, she lost her temper and yelled at them. They finally woke up and rushed to brush and have a shower. Meanwhile she prepared breakfast and tea, of-course chocolate milk for the kids, and packed the kids' tiffins.

While he was running with socks half pulled up, jumping on one leg to pull the pants up. Sabu lost his balance. The only thing that reached his hands was his mom's favorite vase...and oops! He clutched at that wrong support and fell down. He wasn't injured much, but the vase--Oh! The vase fell down with a loud noise and shattered into jagged pieces on the floor. Thankfully, the noise of the POP vase was hidden behind another loud noise--that of the pressure cooker. It was a mansion and the space between the kitchen and the drawing room was large enough. 

"Sabu!!" called his mom.

Did--dddid she hhear it... Sabu was afraid, "Y-" he cleared his throat, "Yes, mom?" He shouted from the hall, as he picked up the broken pieces of the vase. He brought a page from a rough notebook and wrapped everything in the paper. He then stuffed everything in his school bag along with the flowers. 

"Have you packed your bag? Look and see what Bhai is doing."

"Yes, mom we are ready," answered Sanju. Meanwhile all of the family members woke up. 

Sanju saw the wet floor where Sabu was standing. He laughed and teased Sabu, "You peed your pants! You peed your pants!!"

"No! I didn't!" Sabu beat Sanju playfully. Sanju also beat him back. They started laughing and playing, running behind each other and howling wildly, until their mom came and stopped their mischievous activities and got them into the school bus along with their tiffins and water bottles and schoolbags. 

Now what will happen to the broken vase? Will Sabu get punished? Will he get away with it? What will happen when the neighbors come to know about Abba returning back to life?

Read to know more... ;)


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453 Reviews


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Sun Feb 24, 2019 1:54 pm
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Lib wrote a review...



Hey @Eros!

Liberty500 here to drop off a review for you! You're story is going really well so far, and I'm really excited to see what will happen next! <3

MISTAKES

Number 1:

""We won't go go without taking you back to our home.""

You wrote 'go' twice so you may wanna cut out one 'go'.

Number 2:

""Yes, Abba! We won't go," and Sanju gripped Abba's hands and forced him to go with them to their home."

The 'and' you wrote after the quotation marksisn't necessary, but it's still fine if you keep it there. The sentence would've been fine without the 'and' is what I'm trying to say.

Number 3:

"They talked about the games, and the lots of homework, and the studies and how the sun was blazing fire upon them."

You wrote 'the' infront of 'games', 'lots of homework', and 'studies', which again, was not a necessary word. It felt as if you had already talked about the words mentioned above, you know what I mean?

Number 4:

"The next morning as always, Lajwanti woke up at 4. she..."

I would recommend using words for numbers. And you have to capitalize the 'she' -> 'She'.

Number 5:

"After that went in the garden and worshiped the rising sun as she believed worshiping the sun would make her day happy and full of positivity and good luck."

After the first two words there is meant to be a comma, like so -> 'After that,'. Also you need to add a 'she' in between 'After that' and 'went'. And also, that's a cool thing they do, worship the sun. :) I've heard of people doing that.

Number 6:

"Meanwhile she prepared breakfast and tea, of-course chocolaty milk for the kids, and packed the kids' tiffins."

I saw here that you typed in 'chocolaty milk' instead of 'chocolate milk' which one's it supposed to be? By the way, I LOVE CHOCOLATE MILK!!!!! <3

WHAT I LIKE

"They were both happy to meet Abba and all the three gents touched Abba's feet as a mark of respect."

Touching an elders feet sounds so different. Does that only happen in India?

Anyways, good job with the story! Don't forget to tag me for the next chapter! <3 :D

Keep on writing

~Liberty500




Eros says...


Done all the corrections! Gotta learn new things from your review... Thanks a lot for the review! Yes, I will surely tag you when the next part is up... :D :D :D



Lib says...


Your welcome! And, thanks! :D



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Sun Feb 24, 2019 6:57 am
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Swetachowdhury0 wrote a review...



Hey, good afternoon @Eros, have a amazing day....


Good work. Characters are well developed. You can show more reaction when abba come back home because he is already died and they are welcoming it where they should be curious and have questions about how is this possible. But I like how yaswanti reacted. And lucky Sabu... Our Mom's would kill us if we broke the vase at home... Great work and publish soon because I am curious now.....

Overall I liked it. You always write amazing i have to learn from you... Keep it up and be happy and safe




Eros says...


Yaaayyy next part coming up soon !! Loove your reviews... Your words are so encouraging and it is like a boost when I have lack of motivation Yeah actually ...I could have added more reaction ... :D





It my pleasure to help you and i am glad it gives you motivation...take your time and publish soon i am waiting... Love you eros..



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Sun Feb 24, 2019 12:07 am
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OofOof1 wrote a review...



Good afternoon, here is my review.
I like this poem very much because this has a relationship between me and your creation. Great job on that.
I really like your dialogue in this story, that also has a relationship between me and the creation.

Now what will happen to the broken vase? Will Sabu get punished? Will he get away with it? What will happen when the neighbors come to know about Abba returning back to life?

I love this line because it is a Cliff hanger and I love Cliff hangers because they leave you hanging.

You did a great job on this.




Eros says...


Thank you so much, OofOof !! I am glad you liked the work :D



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Sat Feb 23, 2019 11:02 pm
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ThePenultimateGinger wrote a review...



Good afternoon! ThePenultimateGinger here with a review!
I noticed when "Oh, man! The old man's alive! Now what about my property!" was stated, I felt a bit confused at who was saying the dialogue. You might want to make the quote tags a little clearer on some of the conversation lines, as to not confuse the reader. There are also some grammatical errors scattered throughout, however that may be a stylistic choice, seeing as one of the protagonists is a child. I suggest taking out the comma in "Someone correctly said, time flies faster when you are very happy..." with a colon and replacing the "happy" with a more expressive synonym.
In "After sometime, Paresh and Lokesh, Parimal and Lajwanti's respective husbands came back from their work. They were both happy to meet Abba and all the three gents touched Abba's feet as a mark of respect..." there would ideally be a space between "some" and "time", and again, the "happy" can be replaced with a more descriptive word.
Overall, there can be some spelling issues and grammatical fumbles that should be cleaned up to clarify. I did enjoy this work though, and I'm excited to see how the story will progress!
Hoping this review finds you in good health.




Eros says...


Thank you so much, ThePenultimateGinger !! I am glad you liked it :D I will definitely reread the pines and correct the grammatical issues ... I have always struggled with this part.... But I will definitely correct it

Thanks a lot once again ! :D :D




I’d heard he had started a fistfight in one of the seedier local taverns because someone had insisted on saying the word “utilize” instead of “use".
— Patrick Rothfuss, A Wise Man's Fear