I wish to gaze into your eyes,
Once again, stealthily;
Like I used to long back,
If you even remember.
--
I wish to hold you,
And hug you from behind;
But who am I
To feel the warmth of your love?
--
I wish to pull you closer,
And sneak into your arms;
But who am I
To cuddle & sleep, pillowing your chest?
--
Beat me, hurt me,
I won't utter a word;
But don't ignore me please,
You know I can't stand that.
--
I am now so angry with you,
With your behaviour too;
You have become so busy,
Collecting stones, forgetting the gem.
--
I miss those days,
When you listened to my whispers;
And now you have shown your true colours,
And that basic instinct of humans.
--
The instinct to run behind happiness,
The instinct to run behind money,
The instinct to be wildly selfish,
Forgetting the one, who values you the most.
--
I will never forgive you,
For burning me so much;
And how can I forget,
How much you ignored me?
--
I wish I could simply slap you lightly,
Hold your collar and express my love,
Stamp my foot on ground in anger,
And break up with you.
--
But how can I break up with you,
When we were never in a relationship?
For who am I
To care and love you with all my soul?
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140,505 Literary Works • 673,261 Reviews
Hi Eros, Weirdo here with a review for #revmo
Please know that nothing in this review is meant to offend you or your work. This is just my opinion, you and other readers and reviewers could disagree. You also might want to completely ignore this, after all, it's just the opinion of a random person in the middle of somewhere.
Again, a poem that is able to get across a feeling. But I do have few nitpicks you could use to make it better.
So, here they are-
(I think I'm the only one that felt this but decided to mention it, just in case you find it helpful)
Maybe you should interchange their positions, and have the second paragraph begin the poem. But of course, it's up to you.
The repetition kind of breaks the flow of the poem and sounds a bit awkward, so maybe change one of them?
So there is nothing really wrong with this, but I just felt it would sound better like this-
Well, it's up to you and don't change it just cause I felt that it should be changed, you could always ask the opinion of someone else also in the forums or your wall.
So again, ask a third opinion for this, but I think it would have a better flow if you used
'When we were never together?
So my favorite was this-
Hope this helps, and feel free to ask me questions
Weirdo out
Thanks for the review!!
Lovely poem keep up the good work.
Thank you so much! Thanks for leaving a like behind too!!
Hi, Eros!
'Who Am I?' the title describes the speaker's relationship. But, this surprised me in a totally different way. Especially this line
The lines were intense and spoke well about a relationship with an uncommitted person and want to break up since the person doesn't honor the love the speaker has for him.
It was pure natural feel that was obvious in this line:
Longing for one's love and figuring out that this ain't working out as desired is a horrible feel one person could experience. This poem spoke about it so well.
These are brilliant lines that stir up the emotion:
When a person is work-obsessed and turns out to be materialistic, they can't acknowledge love, it's a constant issue faced by many.
The lines are written with emotion and deniable truth.
Maybe people don't change that's who they really are. We get to see it in right time.
The poem described the selfish person the speaker was in love with and like how it related with the line'who am I' and it's ironic usage with certain lines like And sneak into your arms;
But who am I
To cuddle and go to sleep in your arms? stated the unhealthy relationship.
This above line showed how much the speaker is in love. It was painful the whole time that the person didn't get it.
I loved the way you end the poem. It was striking! Loved the pace you have set in this poem. I felt it like a story and took the feeling to levels.
Enjoyed the read. Amazing one! Keep it up!
Looking forward to more of your works. Have a good day!
Thank you SOOOO much Dear Sree!! I am glad you liked it ... and special thanks for leaving a like behind too!
Hello! I'm here to review.
First of all, the poem is amazing! You captured so well the woefully emotion of one-sided love and its tragedy . The pace of the poem was great, slowly answering the question of the title of this work. From all the stanzas, my absolute favorite is "Beat me, hurt me,/ I won't utter a word;/ But don't ignore me please,/ You know I can't stand that." because you explained perfectly how sometimes we crave just a simple interaction, just a simple "Hello" from the people we love and it's painful how we can see them distant themself from us. For the critique, maybe limit the use of "I" at the start of the sentences but overall, you made a great poem. I always say that the poem's work is to trigger the reader to feel something: happiness, sorrow, anger. It must produce any kind of emotion and you achieved it with your work. Kudos to you and keep writing! You clearly showed the world your breathtaking literary work and I'm thankful for stumbling today with the poem and reading it.
Sincerely, J.G.
Thank you SO much, dear J.G! I an glass you liked it...
This is a beautiful work with many visuals and poetic terms! It is also very relatable for many going through this situation. Very beautiful piece of work right here! Please keep writing works like this!
Thank you so much, LilFlutters!! I am glad you liked it...
Hello!! Nice to review you again.
This poem is lovely, absolutely lovely. I admire romance, it's one of my favorite genres, and as it gets written about so much, you made it stand out.
I personally relate to the stanza,
"I will never forgive you,
For burning me so much;
And how can I forget,
How much you ignored me?"
I have felt that pain, and to many others who may have too, we can all feel a little personal touch to this. Great job on that aspect. I see this as someone who is in love with/infatuated with a person that once loved/was infatuated with them, but has long since forgotten them. A one-sided romance now really. I think this happens to a lot of people, and this will connect with so many others. This piece is amazing, keep writing, and let everything out.
Sincerely, Slurringsugars
This is just a work of art. I really liked reading this. I don't normally like poems but I loved this one. So great work!
Thank you so much, dear!! I am glad you liked it ! And thank you SO much for leaving a like behind too !!
Your welcome!
Hello!! Nice to review you again.
This poem is lovely, absolutely lovely. I admire romance, it's one of my favorite genres, and as it gets written about so much, you made it stand out.
I personally relate to the stanza,
"I will never forgive you,
For burning me so much;
And how can I forget,
How much you ignored me?"
I have felt that pain, and to many others who may have too, we can all feel a little personal touch to this. Great job on that aspect. I see this as someone who is in love with/infatuated with a person that once loved/was infatuated with them, but has long since forgotten them. A one-sided romance now really. I think this happens to a lot of people, and this will connect with so many others. This piece is amazing, keep writing, and let everything out.
Sincerely, Slurringsugars
Thank you SO much for the review!! I am glad you liked it ...