Hey Eros!
Ellie here to give you a quick review. I really like the idea behind this poem. To me, it represents the importance of living in the moment and not taking anything for granted.
I don't have too much to say, because I did like it, but I think this is restricted a little bit by the rhyme scheme. It's very simplistic, and sometimes that's alright when it comes to poetry! But there isn't any really clear imagery that's being portrayed. Use a metaphor! Paint a picture!
Simply by walking... Without a car!
I like this line, but I think you can expand on it. There are a lot of ways to get around that aren't walking or driving. What about bike riding? That's an active way to get around. I think specificity is going to help this poem overall. You mention a dream, but it's not entirely clear what that dream is or what it represents to the subject.
And you mented your faults...
Did you mean to say mended here? And the ellipsis is unnecessary.
As a whole, the first part of this poem is stronger than the second half. Towards the end, the purpose becomes a little unclear. Nothing you can't fix, though!
Otherwise, good work! Let me know if you have any further questions.
Points: 1630
Reviews: 1260
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