Young Writers Society

OH, MY GOD! THIS IS AN UNIQUE PIECE OF WORK! REALLY IT TOUCHED ME!! THE DESCRIPTIONS WERE SO GOOD. I ACTUALLY SAW AN AMAZING MOVIE HERE. THE EMOTION WAS SO STRONG AND GOOD. I'M ASHAMED THAT IT TOOK TIME TO READ THIS.

I'VE BEEN POSTPONING THIS BLISS. THE CONSTRUCTION OF SENTENCES ARE PRETTY GREAT!

I was once so proud of being a creation of creation. I liked my fair color, which made me more precious than the rough and coffee-colored ones.

I was happy in my new home, where I, along with my cardboard house, was kept in a wooden cupboard. The boy used my parts, one by one and after using me, he would transfer me to a different home.

The home was of a girl. A human girl. Perhaps he loved her. Slowly as I was getting used up, the boy was growing old, and so was the girl.

One day, I don't know what happened, but the girl started to share the boy's house. Later I came to know, they were married. But the boy who was no longer a teen, didn't stop using me. He would give it to the girl, who was now a woman would hang me up on the wall, or keep me in a showcase. I was happy to see that the woman brought my older parts along with her. I was happy to see my parts together, some hung up on the walls and some locked up in a showcase.

Out of the remaining 15 parts of mine, she pulled one out of the house. She told me the reason for her tears. I was shocked when I came to know that the old man, who bought me when he was young was no more. A tear fell down over me from her eyes. I was sensitive to water and her tears peeled off my skin.

Before the fire engulfs my half-charred skin, I just want you to know that I always served him as best I could, as a simple pack of blank white paper

This is so beautiful. I really like the way that the story develops from the perspective of the paper. Reading it for the first time, I was confused until I saw what the object was, but then upon reading it a second time, the piece had a new meaning. I read the story a couple more times, and each time, I picked up on something I hadn't seen before.


My one suggestion would be to draw out the ending a little more, as it seemed kind of rushed. I do however really like the last line and how you reveal the identity of the object. Amazing job!

Hi Eros,

Happy review day! You asked nicely, so here's a review for you

I'm definitely intrigued by this piece - the style of writing is completely different to most, and therefore a little difficult for me to get my head around but I'll do my best.

I really like the way that clarity becomes more apparent throughout the duration of this, the somewhat confusing beginning making way for understanding and I love the way you've ended it. It's a nice, but simple closure of a well-written piece.

The only part I would look at changing is this:

The old lady came running to see what was the noise about. She took my scattered parts and placed me together neatly, one above the other. There were tears in her eyes.

Hey there, Eos! I thought this was pretty interesting, so I thought I'd come review it on this lovely review day!

I really like the creativity and mystery of this - it's a touching story, and we get to try to figure out what the object is. The way you described the different pieces really confused me at first, but it made total sense at the end, and I think you did a great job of that!

I think the only part about this that was a little bit of a let-down was the very end. The rest of this short piece is written using very pretty, yet simple language, but the last line especially just feels too different and wasn't a satisfying ending for me. The way the last two lines are written right now, I feel like it's a little too blunt, like you as the author are saying "Look, here's the mystery, solved, see it? see it?" - basically, rather than it being the lovely, touching story of a pack of white papers, it now feels like any old riddle.

I think the easiest way to fix this would be to focus on the pack's story more in that last line. What is it most proud of? What is it thinking as it falls? Maybe try something like "Before the fire engulfs my half-charred skin, I just want you to know that I always served him as best I could, as a simple pack of blank white paper."

One quick thing:

I was once so proud of being a creation of creation