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Before the fire engulfs me...

by Eros


I was once so proud of being a creation of creation. I liked my fair color, which made me more precious than the rough and coffee-colored ones.

I was proud of it, until one day, when someone of a colorful caste came to reside just beside my little cardboard home, where I lived.

I was synthesized in 50 parts which gave me the ability to rejuvenate 50 times, but my ego would get hurt, when the colorful neighbor became popular amongst the young little children. The colorful neighbor was synthesised in just 10 parts and I was again proud of my long lasting quality.

One day, a specie whose forefathers created my forefathers, came to adopt me. I was taken to a new home. I was extremely happy. He was a young teenage human, who adopted me. I had heard of humans being very rude with us, but I felt that was not the case with every human. 

I was happy in my new home, where I, along with my cardboard house, was kept in a wooden cupboard. The boy used my parts, one by one and after using me, he would transfer me to a different home. The home was of a girl. A human girl. Perhaps he loved her. Slowly as I was getting used up, the boy was growing old, and so was the girl. 

One day, I don't know what happened, but the girl started to share the boy's house. Later I came to know, they were married. But the boy who was no longer a teen, didn't stop using me. He would give it to the girl, who was now a woman, who would hang me up on the wall, or keep me in a showcase. I was happy to see that the woman brought my older parts along with her. I was happy to see my parts together, some hung up on the walls and some locked up in a showcase.

Years passed and the boy was now an old man, and the girl, an old lady. Yesterday, suddenly he stopped using me. I got restless why my 15 other parts were not getting used. I kept worrying the whole night, in the darkness of my house. I prayed for the God of Wind to take me out of the cupboard, as I wanted to break out and see what the matter was. 

The God listened and wind started blowing, swinging the door open. I took the help of the wind and came outside. The door of the old man's room was banging loudly because of the wind.

The old lady came running to see what was the noise about. She took my scattered parts and placed me together neatly, one above the other. There were tears in her eyes. 

Out of the remaining 15 parts of mine, she pulled one out of the house. She told me the reason of her tears. I was shocked when I came to know that the old man, who bought me when he was young was no more. A tear fell down over me from her eyes. I was sensitive to water and her tears peeled off my skin.

Today in the morning, the old lady was trying to dispose off the sketches that the old man had been drawing for her. They were my old parts. It was unbearable for me to see my parts suffering a painful death, so I took help of the air and jumped into the burning fire.

Before the fire engulfs my half-charred skin, I just want you to know that I always served him as best I could, as a simple pack of blank white paper.


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Mon Aug 06, 2018 4:27 pm
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Wordzyy wrote a review...



OH, MY GOD! THIS IS AN UNIQUE PIECE OF WORK! REALLY IT TOUCHED ME!! THE DESCRIPTIONS WERE SO GOOD. I ACTUALLY SAW AN AMAZING MOVIE HERE. THE EMOTION WAS SO STRONG AND GOOD. I'M ASHAMED THAT IT TOOK TIME TO READ THIS.

I'VE BEEN POSTPONING THIS BLISS. THE CONSTRUCTION OF SENTENCES ARE PRETTY GREAT!

I was once so proud of being a creation of creation. I liked my fair color, which made me more precious than the rough and coffee-colored ones.


At first, I thought what must this creation of creation be? then you surprise me with this line,
I was happy in my new home, where I, along with my cardboard house, was kept in a wooden cupboard. The boy used my parts, one by one and after using me, he would transfer me to a different home.


You've got no idea what I felt like reading these:
The home was of a girl. A human girl. Perhaps he loved her. Slowly as I was getting used up, the boy was growing old, and so was the girl.

One day, I don't know what happened, but the girl started to share the boy's house. Later I came to know, they were married. But the boy who was no longer a teen, didn't stop using me. He would give it to the girl, who was now a woman would hang me up on the wall, or keep me in a showcase. I was happy to see that the woman brought my older parts along with her. I was happy to see my parts together, some hung up on the walls and some locked up in a showcase.


You see, you've given a non-living a life to narrate the story plus you have added romance here and the respect, affection for it and deem it as their symbol of love. I just loved it!


WOW! Your writing style !!
Out of the remaining 15 parts of mine, she pulled one out of the house. She told me the reason for her tears. I was shocked when I came to know that the old man, who bought me when he was young was no more. A tear fell down over me from her eyes. I was sensitive to water and her tears peeled off my skin.

This was so touching. Was just blown away.

Before the fire engulfs my half-charred skin, I just want you to know that I always served him as best I could, as a simple pack of blank white paper

I just have no words, you ended it so well with your as usual amazing style. I'M SO SO SO HAPPY READING THIS ONE!! IT'S MY FAVORITE ^^
I learn a lot from your writing actually. It's been a pleasure reading your works.
KEEP UP THE AWESOME WRITING!!! :) :) THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR LETTING ME KNOW, MY FRIEND.




Eros says...


Thank you so much !! I am glad you liked it !!



Wordzyy says...


Pleasures!



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Mon Jul 30, 2018 4:23 pm
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1nspire wrote a review...



This is so beautiful. I really like the way that the story develops from the perspective of the paper. Reading it for the first time, I was confused until I saw what the object was, but then upon reading it a second time, the piece had a new meaning. I read the story a couple more times, and each time, I picked up on something I hadn't seen before.


My one suggestion would be to draw out the ending a little more, as it seemed kind of rushed. I do however really like the last line and how you reveal the identity of the object. Amazing job!




Eros says...


Thank you so much 1nspire !! I am really glad you liked it...



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Sun Jul 29, 2018 4:18 pm
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IcyFlame wrote a review...



Hi Eros,

Happy review day! You asked nicely, so here's a review for you :)

I'm definitely intrigued by this piece - the style of writing is completely different to most, and therefore a little difficult for me to get my head around but I'll do my best.

I really like the way that clarity becomes more apparent throughout the duration of this, the somewhat confusing beginning making way for understanding and I love the way you've ended it. It's a nice, but simple closure of a well-written piece.

The only part I would look at changing is this:

The old lady came running to see what was the noise about. She took my scattered parts and placed me together neatly, one above the other. There were tears in her eyes.


For me, this section doesn't seem to flow as well as the rest. Perhaps it's to do with the 'tears in her eyes'. Maybe you could play around with trying a different way of saying that? I can't quite put my finger on why it doesn't work for me, which is annoying for you, I know.

Other than that though, I really enjoyed this piece. It works very well at the length it is and it does well as a stand alone piece.

I'm sorry I don't really have anything else for you, but please do let me know if you have anything you would like me to review in the future - I'll do my best to be better than this!

Hope you have a lovely day,

Icy




Eros says...


Hi there, Icy! Loved the review... Thanks a lot for the review ! I am so glad you liked it...



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Sun Jul 29, 2018 3:38 am
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Mea wrote a review...



Hey there, Eos! I thought this was pretty interesting, so I thought I'd come review it on this lovely review day!

I really like the creativity and mystery of this - it's a touching story, and we get to try to figure out what the object is. The way you described the different pieces really confused me at first, but it made total sense at the end, and I think you did a great job of that!

I think the only part about this that was a little bit of a let-down was the very end. The rest of this short piece is written using very pretty, yet simple language, but the last line especially just feels too different and wasn't a satisfying ending for me. The way the last two lines are written right now, I feel like it's a little too blunt, like you as the author are saying "Look, here's the mystery, solved, see it? see it?" - basically, rather than it being the lovely, touching story of a pack of white papers, it now feels like any old riddle.

I think the easiest way to fix this would be to focus on the pack's story more in that last line. What is it most proud of? What is it thinking as it falls? Maybe try something like "Before the fire engulfs my half-charred skin, I just want you to know that I always served him as best I could, as a simple pack of blank white paper."

One quick thing:

I was once so proud of being a creation of creation

I'm not really sure what you mean by "creation of creation" - it doesn't quite sound right. I think "creature of creation" would be more what you're looking for.

And I think that's all I've got for you! Thanks for sharing this lovely piece, and keep writing!




Eros says...


Yeah ..the ending seems blunt... I have changed it...
I meant creation of creation... Firstly human is a creation, and he created blank papers...so... Creation of creation...



Mea says...


Ah, that makes more sense! Thanks for clarifying. :)




If you have a dream, you have a duty to make it come true.
— Marco Pierre White