Yuki... (Snow)

This was really good. I would give it a 9/10. Like I always say, something is good when it has a purpose and it serves it. It has an idea/meaning and it comes across the reader.

If I HAD to critique anything at all it would be (Tiny, shiny droplets of water)

And it would also be (In this digital camera of my heart, so fragile)

Oh and also (...morrow...)

I felt like ready these worlds I traveled from shakespeare to present day. And also those lines didnt roll off the tongue well.

The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between the lightning bug and the lightning ... Or somethin' like that.

All and all it was a great piece of work. Keep it up. Check out my stuff when you get the chance.

Superb imagery, great exploration of how the snow affects and mingles with the world, giving it a personality, emotion. The only part that I think might need a little attention is the use of "digital camera" in the last line of the second to last stanza. To me it doesn't quite fit with the rest of the poem - I'll explain what I mean. The poem as a whole is all about nature, using imagery relating to the earth, flowers, sun, etc... things of natural beauty, and I think the digital camera is a bit of a jolt, being a thing of technology and suggesting mechanics and rigidity. Can you think of another item that might replace digital camera while keeping the same idea, and also making the flow of mood in your poem even more seamless?

I love this so much wow.

hiii eros, sweta here....hope you are doing well


the title yuki was different but good. at first i thought it will be related to some action hero..

the poem is nice and well written but my favourite stanza was the last two. and my favourite lines are:

"spreading the fragrance of love"

" I melt in the soil,with the sun's golden beauty"

great work keep it up. thanks for tagging

Hello, Cake here to review this! Okay so, I think (in my opinion) the 3rd and 4th Stanzas were the best written in this poem. Those Stanzas flowed really nicely. I, however, think that it was a little weird when you put "I paint the land white, at deadly silent night"

I think this was a little strange, cause you weren't rhyming before and then all of a sudden you put that. So it threw me off a little.

But that's really the only line that I would personally change. Although I told you my favorite stanzas, I actually liked all of them. This whole poem was really nice and definitely worth reading again. It wasn't too short or too long, just perfect. Well, that's it, nice poem!

Nice job, i really liked it.

Hello!! It is me, B.

I saw that you tagged me in this, so I am gonna try to review this for you....I dont know if it will turn out any good though.

First off, the title. It the title "Yuki"...isnt that Japanese or something? But other than that I like how you showed what it means off to the side in parenthesis.

The order. The order of this poem was very well set up, and organized. I love how you had it set in like a type of chronological order.

It was snowy first, then it slowly got to spring....

It went from...

" Impeccably white in colour,"
to...
"I melt in the soil, with the sun's golden beauty."

It just reminds me of the being a slow melting snow...

What I loved the most:

"I paint the land white, at deadly silent night,

Next morrow giving kids the little joys of life,

I capture their giggles and hearty smiles,

In this digital camera of my heart so fragile"

This is what I love the most, because it was so heartfelt....it shows that you can really care, and it shows how people can see the world, and what winter is supposed to be like...

Overall, This was a great poem!!! I love how you set it up and worded it!!!

~Great work!!
~B.