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The Corpse: Part II

by Eros


THE NEXT DAY:

Scene 3: Princess Adrienne's bedroom. Her emerald eyes resting behind her heavy eyelids and she is in deep sleep. It is 12:00 a.m, midnight. The weather takes an abnormal turn. The soft breeze suddenly grows wild to take the form of strong wind. The moon hides itself partially behind the black thickets of the sky. The bats start shrieking as if they are thirsty to drink blood and there is an unusual sound of a cat meaowing wildly. The nature, it seems to be controlled by some sort of a GHOSTLY power!

 Voice        : *Whispers softly*   Adrienne!  *A little louder*  Adrienne!! Wake up!

Adrienne wakes up, with her heart racing with fright.

Voice         : Adrienne! Are you listening?

Adrienne  : *Summing up some courage* Who are you? Where are you?

Voice         : I am a soul...

Adrienne  : What non-sense! *Calls* Mother!! Father!!! Khasir uncle!!!...

Voice        : I am, really a--a soul with no BODY. *laughs wickedly* HAHAHA! Everyone is asleep...*whispers* Princess, understand me, no one can come out to help you. They are all under my magic spell, which I will break afterwards.

Adrienne  : *confused*  W-what? Magic s-spell?

Voice         : Yes, sweet heart! Don't be afraid, dear. I am a ghost but this doesn't mean I will harm                          you. I am in a trouble, Adrienne!

Adrienne  : You said you are a ghost in a trouble?

           Adrienne hears a flute. Something flashes back to her.

Adrienne  : A flute...  A flute! I can remember something, I have seen it on the waist of--who was it?                     Oh damn! Who was it... *Thinks hard, grabbing her head* Adrien! Yes. Hey you, are                           you Adrien?

Voice        : You are quite intelligent, Adrienne. You have guessed me. 

The volume of the flute goes on increasing. The air is filled with euphoria, and Adrienne feels a strong throbbing in her head. She holds her head, but still her ears are eager to hear Adrien.

Voice        : Look outside the window, dear!

Adrienne  : HolaaAAAHH!!! It's something like a corpse in the air!!! Adrien! I am afraid. Where are                           you? I am afraid! 

The throbbing in her head, now goes to an  extreme level, and her vision gets doubled up and everything seems jumbled up.The volume of the flute soon decreases and finally fades away. Heavy drops of rain fall upon the ground and an appariton of Adrien appears in the rain. Adrien enters the princess's bedroom, whole wet, and the corpse still remains in the air, but now it it is not outside the window but inside the bedroom. Adrien keeps the corpse on the smooth glassy floor of Adrienne's bedroom. The throbbing in her head now decreases.

Adrien      : This is my corpse. I am in trouble. I have no one. My mother gave birth to me, and she   herself lost her life. My father buried her corpse in the Graveyard of Hatchington. Hatchington... you might be knowing that place, where there were rumours of a Ghost Rule. I was dweller of Hatchington, but the poor men didn't understood I wasn't a ruler but just a dweller. They spread the rumours that I am the Ghostly Ruler.

Adrienne   :  Hmm... What happened to your father?

Adrien        : I lived in Hatchington with my father in the very beginning, but both of us got shot in the Naxallite Attack. My father passed away on the spot. I was burned partially because of the explosives they used, but I managed to bury the corpse of my father, and my soul left my body and my body was lying there just above the buried corpse of my father. 

 A tear drop emerged in is eyes, and raced down his cheeks. Instantly, Adrienne's green eyes overflowed with two streams of tears.

Adrien        :  No, dear princess, don't weep. I hate tears. 

Adrienne    :  Then why are your cheeks wet? *Innocently* Should I bury your body and pray for                              your freedom, Adrien?

Adrien        : *Smiles stupidly* Yes, please. But before that, if I tell you something, will you slap me on my cheek?

Adrienne    : *Bursts into smiling* No, I never slap anyone.

Adrien        : I-I am in love with you, princess.

Adrienne    : * Goes blank*  Huh?  *Not wanting to utter the word 'Love' *  I think I am in that with you too!

Adrien        : Oh! But how can a soul love a body or a body love a soul?

Adrienne    : Oh Adrien! Love is love. It is innocent, and can happen to anyone anytime.

         Adrienne buries the corpse of Adrien, and prays for his freedom. 

Adrienne    : Hey, Adrien! Before leaving on the journey to the heaven, please break my innocent family free from your magic spell!

Adrien        : Oh yes! 

Adrien frees the family and the King's men from the magic spell and before leaving, he kisses Adrienne on her soft cheeks. Adrienne then, lives with the memories of Adrien and then after 73 years, she naturally grows old and dies. Then, once while roaming in the sky by sitting in the chariot of stars, the love between between Adrien and Adrienne brings their souls together. They meet in the sky, and both of them starts living on the moon, and they are said to be the Moon King and Moon Queen respectively.


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Thu Apr 07, 2016 1:34 pm
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Magebird wrote a review...



Aww! I love the ending, Eros! It's such a good way to tie up the story! :D Mage back again, ready to review this piece!

I'll go through with all the nitpicky stuff first, and then I'll tell you everything that I loved about this piece!

princess, understand me, no one can come out to help you. They are all under my magic spell which I will break afterwards.
I think "princess" should be capitalized here. Also, my advice is to put a comma between "spell" and "which".

Oh Damn!
I think "damn" should be lowercased here.

HolaAAAAaa!!! It's something like a corpse in the air!!! Adrien! I am afraid, where are you? I am af fraid
The terrified scream came out weird here, at least in my opinion. Here's my suggestion: Instead of those lowercase a's at the end, add two uppercase h's instead. If you want to keep the a's, make the last ones uppercase. By having those lowercase, the scream loses something. Also, I would suggest making "I am afraid" and "Where are you" two different sentences. My final bit of advice is to fix the last "afraid.

I have no one, my mother gave birth to me, and she herself lost her life
. My advice for this is to make "I have no one" and "my mother gave birth to me, and she herself lost her life" two separate sentences.

...roumers of a Ghost Rule.
You misspelled "rumours" here.

Now onto what I loved! I loved Adrien begging Adrienne for help in this part of The Corpse. It was cool learning his story (and depressing). When Adrien said that he had cast a spell on Adrienne's family, I was like, "Uh oh. He's one of those type of ghosts. I found myself incredibly relieved when he then said who would soon release it. I really liked his character from the beginning, so I was worried that he wasn't a good character.

I think I'll end my praise with mentioning a quote that I loved.

Oh Adrien! Love is love. It is innocent, and can happen to anyone anytime.


Keep up the great work - which I doubt you'll have trouble with - and good luck on your writing endeavors. Have a great day/night! :D




Eros says...


Thank you so much, Mage. Are you forgetting something, out of hurry? ;) ! *Reminds you that you haven't "liked" this piece...* Well I don't force you, but request.



Eros says...


Thank you so much, Mage. Are you forgetting something, out of hurry? ;) ! *Reminds you that you haven't "liked" this piece...* Well I don't force you, but request.



Magebird says...


You're welcome! :D And I totally did forget to like it. Oops! I liked it now.



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Thu Apr 07, 2016 1:14 pm
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Saraswati wrote a review...



Hey there Eros!!

I am back to review your "new" work!!

You are doing really great, Eros! I loved the scene whih you have described in te beginning. There was an horror effect, really. I loved this one. This was great! I liked the theme and the stry. This was very very unique story where a soul loves a body. It was very nice. It ended on a happy note, and they live on the moon, this was like a fairy tale. It was AWESOME!

Continue writing, Eros!
You are doing beautiful!
:D




Eros says...


Thank you, Sara!



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Thu Apr 07, 2016 12:54 pm
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urvikavyas says...



Superb




Eros says...


Thank you Urvika!! I am sorry, but please, please, please, would you "like" this piece?




The idea that a poem was a made thing stayed with me, and I decided then that I wanted to be an artist, not just a diarist. So I put myself through a kind of apprenticeship in writing poetry, and I understood even then that my practice as a poet was deeply related to my reading.
— Edward Hirsch