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E - Everyone


by felistia

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75 Reviews

Points: 2162
Reviews: 75

Fri Aug 12, 2016 4:37 pm
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SilverBerry wrote a review...

Hi! Silverberry here! I love this poem so much, how you structured it and made it in the shape of a dragon and all your wonderful rhymes. Incredible! I'm just going to add a few suggestions for how to improve it, but know that it's already awesome.

First of all, the first two sentences could probably just be one. "We are dragons; majestic beasts of the open sky". I think that that would be better than having two very short sentences.

"We rake the evening sky with our mighty talons and silver claws, filling the night air with our mighty cries and thundering roars." -I think you are missing a rhyme here. Maybe rhyme "claws" with "jaws" because dragons have big mouths (long shot but you get the idea)?

"depths of the jungle or the wide open sea." I think this sentence would flow better if you got rid of the "the" before wide.

"Then you came from down below." I think this sentence is a bit too short so there is just an abrupt pause.

"To the barren wastes we flew" -I think this was also a little too short, just add a word or two to add a few syllables.

In the next few sentences you say the word "eyes" a lot which might have been purposeful repetition but it sounds a little bit awkward. Also, "You may see our eyes bright." is a little two short and also sounds awkward (and there needs to be punctuation because next word is capitalized).

And finally in the last sentence (which sounds very dramatic by the way-I love it) you should add the word "will" between "you" and "feel".

Okay that's it I think, I absolutely love your work and it's very unique and amazing. I hope my suggestions come in handy! Keep writing and I can't wait to read more of your work.

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Points: 66
Reviews: 1

Sun Aug 07, 2016 2:28 am
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Abovethemall says...

Absolutely incredible! Love this poem, but the shape it took realy made it memorable.

felistia says...

Thanks for the comment.

P.S could you please leave a like? :D

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24 Reviews

Points: 939
Reviews: 24

Fri Aug 05, 2016 8:21 pm
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tammy777 wrote a review...

A great piece of artistic design of words. I appeciate the concep and art. You can be a good publisher who not only care about thoughts but also the style of delivary.

Although i find a small grammatical mistake-'will never be tame' must be 'will never be tamed'.

However ignoring this slight mistake can make it a great piece of writing. Keep it up and continue your dreams. God bless you!!!

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Points: 300
Reviews: 0

Fri Aug 05, 2016 3:12 pm
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Homeostasis101 says...

Wow! I really like this and find it absolutely beautiful!

I like to create sympathy for my characters, then set the monsters loose.
— Stephen King