A nights hard work finally complete,
Now cloaked in the early morning light.
Sparkling drops of crystal dew,
Hang suspended from silken strands.
A backdrop of fresh green blades,
Surrounded by mini golden suns.
Out in a meadow of painted colours,
Stands this work of art.
Made by one humble creature,
known as the ordinary spider.
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Canary word: Present
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,738 Reviews
Hi felistia!
A short and sweet poem. To tell you the truth, I did not expect this. I expected the usual spider tale. And when I read your piece I was sweetly surprised, I must say.
Lets get going.
"A nights hard work finally complete,
Now cloaked in the early morning light."
- I love both the lines. The usage of 'finally' in the first line tells the reader how hard the spider has worked throughout the night. It was a really novel idea, to use the word 'cloaked'. Usually I don't get to see it much. Apart from the times when I am reading Harry Potter(the invisibility cloak, of course)!
"Sparkling drops of crystal dew,
Hang suspended from silken strands.
A backdrop of fresh green blades,
Surrounded by mini golden suns.
Out in a meadow of painted colours,
Stands this work of art.
Made by one humble creature,
known as the ordinary spider."
- All these stanzas provide rich information about the background and the web too. The line describing how the dew drops are hanging on the web is amazing. How imaginative! Although I would like to hear more about the spider who created the web of crystal and his hard-work.
One more thing I wanted to point out is that when you are talking about how hardworking the spider is, the use of the word 'ordinary' in the last line does not fit. You are contradicting your description. You can just remove 'ordinary'. It will still look fine. Think about it.
In all, wonderful piece of work. A truly imaginative creation!
Hope this helps you.
Thanks so much for the review. I'll make sure to take your advice.
A wonderful work! You did an amazing job describing how beautiful a spider web can be. I like how you added the morning dew there, it adds an extra layer to the spider web's beauty. The words you used were pretty clever since it just emphasizes on the beauty. The only thing that felt sorta off with me is the ending. The word ordinary kinda ruined that flow for me a bit with the word humble but that could just be me... No grammar mistakes from what I can see, excellent choice of words, you did an awesome job on this! Have a nice day/night.
Thanks so much for the review. I'll be sure to fix that last line.