Flitting gracefully amongst the wind torn trees,
Galloping silent as a ghost across the snow,
A shadow horse of pure white.
A
flowing mane of molten silver,
Hooves as quiet as a cat’s paws,
She glides effortlessly through the wood.
Passing
from tree to tree,
More like a phantom than a horse,
Eluding her relentless hunters.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,738 Reviews
Hello, I'm here for a review!
. The ghost part, to me, is kind of unnecessary. You are comparing the ghost horse to a ghost. Do you see my point of it not really being deemed necessary? Though, in the next line you call the ghost horse a shadow horse and that doesn't really seem to fit, but I do see the point you were trying to come across.Let's just get right into it. I like the idea of the short poem for the mysterious ghost horse. But when you look at the bigger picture, some of the diction can come out as clichéd.
For example, in the first stanza line two,
One thing that I would comment on is the capitalization of words after a comma. It really isn't completely grammatically correct.
Here, , I do quite indeed like the imagery portrayed here, it gives off the essence of "ghost". Same goes fro the next line of "passing from tree to tree". Great writing.
I believe that is all I have for your poem. It's a great work, best of luck!
Hey felistia,
First Impressions: I agree with EverySecond below that the title, and perhaps the whole poem, isn't exactly the most original piece you have. Doesn't have to be, necessarily speaking.
Positives: The best part about this poem is that you haven't tried to turn it into something too big. The simplicity of it lends to the more "nature" vibe that we get, and it works. When I'm reading about something as unknown as a "ghost horse," I don't really expect or want it to go too far.
I enjoyed this imagery. The first line is, expected, but the second wasn't something that I would first think of, so it gave me a new perspective into the horse and what it looks and sounds like.
Negatives:
This line seems a bit weak. It feels like you're "trying" to be epic, but the description is something that I would expect to come from a very young writer who hasn't learned to express themselves any other way yet.
The poem is good, but it seems to be missing something. I can't quite put my finger on it, but something that I would do to make it better would be to add in a finishing line, probably from the narrator themselves, that way it ties the end up and gives us some more grounding into where this is coming from. Otherwise it just seems like it's...floating.
Overall: I did like it, though, so no worries. It's a nice little piece.
I give it:
Thanks for the review. I'll go back and change a few things and see if I can make it a bit more grounded.
Hello, Daisy here to review this piece of writing!
Your title seems a little cliché, and I suggest perhaps choosing a stronger synonym for "ghost". Perhaps phantom? However, it did intriuge me, so it works for a title leading people to your worl.
This poem is so very simple, and yet elegant in it's executiom. I love your use of imagery, and it gives such a wonderful idea of this horse, through it's repeated themes.
I have a slighht nit-pick with the second stanza. I believe that the last line should be the first to fit more in with the structure of the poem. It would not change much, but it may make this poem flow slightly easier.
I love the last line. It's incredibly powerful and the use of vocabulary is simply stunning. Again, a simple poem, but that's not a bad thing. It is a credit to your use of imagery and vocabulary that such a small poem can create such a vivid idea.
Well done and keep writing!
Thanks for the review. I agree about that last line in the second stanza and I'll go back and fix that as soon as I can.