A gale is blowing,
with hail and it’s snowing.
The wind is furiously howling.
A powerful dragon is prowling.
With slender legs like a cats,
and wings shaped like a bats.
A slender moon grey lizard,
in the depths of the blizzard.
His scales shining white,
in the darkness of the night.
His sharp claws slice,
through the thick ice.
Standing tall and proud,
his roar so loud.
He is a beautiful silver,
he is the powerful Drilver.
He now shelters under a hill,
till the storm is calm and still.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,194 Literary Works • 673,040 Reviews
Dearest Felistia,
What a wonderful poem! I must say, for a moment there I could actually feel the ice cold wind and hear Drilver's powerful roar in the distance.
Anyway, I loved the visuals that you gave me with this poem, and the fact that it rhymes simply adds to the great quality of the verse.
I simply want to ask, have you thought about writing more poems like these? Maybe with different dragons? You could then make the characters meet, and play around with how they interact. Please contact me if this sounds like a good idea.
In conclusion, this is a wonderful poem, and I would love read more of these verses in the future.
XOXO,
Erika Hale
Dear ErikaHale,
Thanks for the review. I really appreciate it.
I thought your idea was really good and I think I'll give it a try.
If you like story poems I have an example. Here are the links if you'd like to have a look.
https://www.youngwriterssociety.com/work/felistia/Serpent-of-the-Sands-part-1-125597
https://www.youngwriterssociety.com/work/felistia/Serpent-of-the-Sands-part-2-125615
https://www.youngwriterssociety.com/work/felistia/Serpent-of-the-Sands-part-3-125675
https://www.youngwriterssociety.com/work/felistia/Serpent-of-the-Sands-Part-4-125725
https://www.youngwriterssociety.com/work/felistia/Serpent-of-the-Sands-Part-4-125725
https://www.youngwriterssociety.com/work/felistia/Serpent-of-the-Sands-part-5-125848
https://www.youngwriterssociety.com/work/felistia/Serpent-of-the-Sands-part-6-125849
Thanks again and have a wonderful day\night.
Felistia
Thank you so much Felistia! I'll check them out right away!
Hi Felistia Jessiebear I love it all I can just feel the snow and I can hear the sounds it is really nice.
Greetings! You're currently reading a review by me! Hello!
(I hope I prove helpful!)
I find this really cool. It's good for a poem and could probably make an amazing story!
The description is fantastic. I can see things!
But because I want to help you (that's what I'm here for), so I've come up with a few things that could be adjusted.... Or not, your pick.
1.
'A storm is blowing,' and 'till the storm is calm and still.'
I've noticed that you've used 'storm' twice. Maybe, to add a little extravagance, you can use a synonym for storm for one of them. I'd suggest doing the second one. Maybe you could use 'tempest' or 'furore' (depending on how you want to use it).
2.
'with hail and it’s snowing.'
I'm a little nervous about my recommendation for this one because this is poetry.
Maybe instead of 'it's snowing', maybe just snowing could suffice. I don't know about you, but to me, just 'snowing' sounds good.
You could just ignore this one because poetry is boundless. It doesn't matter to me, really.
3.
'With legs as long as a cats,'
Are the legs of the dragon as long as a cat or as long as a cat's leg?
Either way, there's something that needs to be fixed.
For the first option, remove 'a'.
But it's probably the second one. What you should do is have it as:
"With legs as long as a cat's, "
(The possession of a cat)
or
"With legs as long as cats', "
(The possession of several cats)
That's just a little thing about possession that could use some adjusting.
4.
'He is a beautiful silver,
he is the powerful Drilver.'
I feel like you're introducing him too late or too son. In other words: not at the right time. Maybe you could reveal his name at the very end or at the very beginning. I think that it would be better at the end than the start, though.
But, of course, your ending is very good and doing such a thing would probably spoil something else.
Of course, this was just an observation. You can take it or leave it.
I hope that I was of some use to you! If not, oh well.
Till next time (or never, depending),
-Holographic Ladybug
Thank you for the review. I will get round to fixing it when I get the chance.
Glad I could be of service!
fixed
I loved the ship and the storm, and I think I like this one second best. I noticed in almost all your poems you talk about nature. You must really like nature, and you can talk about it with a lot of passion. Here you are talking about this dragon that I feel has something to do with your Talons of Flame story. It was nice still, and the imagery is beautiful. I didn't like the amount of periods. I'm trying to get into the rhythm and the periods stop me each time. Maybe take some out, especially towards the end where it starts to pick up.
I read it your way, and I couldn't. I kept wanting to say this. I made some edits to your piece. Took out a couple of words so that the poem would flow a little more. What do you think?
Another good poem from you. If you like nature a lot, you should read some naturalist works. Like Dreiser or Crane.
It is a lot better thank you. I will look for some of Dreiser and Crane's works. Thank you for the review.
Read the Lost Phoebe. It's a short story by Theodore Dreiser. It'll break your heart in two. And if you like that, read the Open Boat by Stephen Crane. You can find them on line FREE.
Hey Fellstia! I really liked your poem, these days it's rare to come across a fantasy poem or something like that so I was really interested in it. The title is great and draws alot of readers to your work but I do have some suggestions.
this is a very odd simile and it's hard for the reader to picture what the dragon looks like.For example when you say
I also think that their are some inconsistencies in the timeline.
and then later you say
Like did the dragon stop flying? Did he go home?
Anyway I really like your poem! Keep writing!
-Brunette
Thank you for the review.
Hello!
Just a suggestion, but if I were you, I'd either take it out, or replace the second commas with periods. 
I absolutely adore winter, and the way you described her (yes, I think of winter as female 
) and the 'drilver' was beautiful. I especially like this part -
Once again, I am impressed with your use of description and imagery! Great job with that! Now on to the review...
In this poem, you use rhyming lines of 2. I think (just a suggestion here) that if you put a period after every second line, it would look a little nicer. (Some poets don't even put punctuation at all, which is perfectly acceptable!) I keep wanting to pause (for more than a comma) at the end of every second line.
Other than that, this was great!
Great job, and keep writing!
~Snazzy, Pencil, Penicillin, etc.
Stay awesome!
thank you