Heya, Fel! Casanova here with another review! Let's get right to it.
The first thing I noticed was the rhyme scheme. I don't know if it was in your other, as I didn't notice it, but it felt rather odd in this one. Even the last line,"To wipe it clear of the earth and to send it back to the desert, brown." This seems just strictly for rhyme. For one the desert colours are more yellow-ish, because of the sand. And for another your rhyming throughout this one just seems rather forced. I would say cut the rhyme out.
Now we get to the story that you're wanting to tell. It seems as if you're lacking imagery, strong imagery. This seems rather well rounded, but I feel like you could do better. I mean, you're strictly telling a story in this one, and we don't really feel anything towards it. It's lacking, at least to me.
The next thing I noticed was these lines-
People start to run and scream in terror,
And men race for their sword and spears,
Knowing they’re about to face their worst fears.
You could take these lines out of the poem, and you wouldn't lose a single thing. What I mean is they shed no light on the poem, and the same thing is basically repeated in these lines-
Strong men dressed in brown leather armor,
Hurl their pointed spears at the writhing snake,
Before being thrust aside like leaves thrown by a rake.
So I would suggest cutting the first ones. Also, the last line here seems a bit off, I would suggest something like,"Leaves being thrown by a rake," because it seems off as it is, and seems to be only to maintain the same length as the other lines.
Anyway, that's all I have to say about this poem. I hope this helped, at least a bit.
Keep on doing what you're doing, and keep on keeping on.
Sincerely, Matthew Casanova Aaron
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