The sky is as dark as the bottom of the Arctic ocean,
and stars gleam like pearls on a blanket of blue.
A river of silver gently streams across the heavens,
like the sparkling moon beams upon the water below.
Ribbons of sea green and plankton blue shimmer,
as the northern lights twist and turn
over the sky.
The white shadow of the moon dances on the water,
like a silver dish on a tablecloth of
sapphires and diamonds.
Purple galaxies swirl like raging oceans of stars,
as I gaze up at the night sky on my little cobalt boat,
rising and falling on the tides until morning.
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139,786 Literary Works • 672,767 Reviews
Hey,
Just came to say that I really love this poem. I was reading another one of your works, actually, when I saw this come up as well. The title immediately got me interested, so well done for that. I think the imagery and the descriptions of the night sky and the water are gorgeous, and it's a very calming pretty poem to read. I love the way you've used words and phrases like "ribbons" and "gleam like pearls", as they just add a little bit extra. I also really liked the last line, and I can't really think of the words to say why, but it just has a wonderful essence.
Keep up the good work, and I shall definitely read more!
thanks for the review.
Hello!
Stegosaurus here for a review!
This poem has some really good imagery, as it adds onto the mood and the feeling for when the reader will read it. It seemed to hold the theme of mystery and the wondrous thought of exploring the outside for what it truly is. I think some people could relate to this, as some could have had a dream like this once, and imagine the prettiness as itself again.
There some things I like to go over:
Some poems have nice imagery while others over do it. They focus on the amount of unneeded stuff, rather than focusing on the important stuff. For example, how deep is the ocean you are in? Now some reviewers have asked this already and I am just rubbing up on the issue, since it seems important for you as the writer and the reader. Also capitalize arctic since it is a name of an ocean (proper noun).
There also seems to be very little punctuation, now that is fine and dandy but for some cases it isn't.
Poetry and Punctuation, this thread can explain more of the standard for this matter. Another matter is capitalization since you have sentences beginning in one stanza and ending in another-- try having one sentence just go on then stop at a certain point. (it could also help with stopping points for certain readers).
Overall, this was a nice little quick poem that I can read over and over again.
If you like me to go over anything, let me know!
Steggy
Hello felistia! Thank you for requesting this in my review thread.
I do apologize for this review being so late.
Out of the five poems you listed, I chose this one, it seemed very intriguing from the title.
Anyways, I love the use of imagery. It created a lovely and beautiful scene in my head. Poetry is beautiful when it has that factor. Although, there are some things that are needed to be said.
As NicolMemo said, how dark is it? How deep is it? If you were to be specific instead you could say Mariana Trench for example. Also, I don't know if Arctic is supposed to be a proper noun in the case you used it.
I do like this line, but I think the use of the word 'heavens' is a bit overused.
To conclude this review, I love the theme of this poem. In these eleven lines you wrote, it's put together to create a beautiful, well written poem. With those things that I caught fixed up just a bit, it could be even better.
Thank you for requesting me to review this lovely poem. It was quite a good read. I would like to see more poetry from you. Don't give up and always write!
-Elysium
Hi,
Whoa. I don't know what colors else to say.
**REVIEW STARTS HERE**
True enough...
These words are sophisticated, but so soft and appealing that I could super agree with the statement above given by the previous review.
Based on what I had read from you, you love ocean, I guess?
I know that feeling too: ocean is so interesting thing to be picked as a topic. Sometimes, it could be calm, soothing, and cool and vise versa.
Now, one by one reviewing till I exhausted...
Spoiler
I
Dark...but how dark? Deepest arctic ocean may be really dark.
Okay, nevertheless, look more at the phrase "deepest arctic ocean". Imagine "arctic". When I hear the word "arctic", coolness bumps on me first. Understand the ambiguities it may create to YOUR reader and not only limited on you. And try to use bolder words. Like deepest, it could be replaced by any words else because "deepest" is an abstract word for me.
II
Contrasting. I like it. The first line got "dark" and this line got "gleam like pearls".
But, what's "sea of blue". You don't have to repeat word with the same meanings like that.
It cause not ambiguity but confusion. Like "sea" in this line and "ocean" in the first line. Of course you wanted to break the monotony, but having the same meaning words is the same.
III
Lovely... and you don't have to put the first comma there. With all the pretty words you used throughout this poem, I think this line still lacks something. Try to use adverbs on "streams" or whatever you like.
IV
"on" isn't the best word. Try using "upon" for nicer impact.
"below" is actually coming out of nowhere. It makes this so blunt in a bad way.
That's it...
Okay,
*takes a deep breath
You used words within a theme which is good, but to rotate within a theme isn't good. I don't like that. Try to relate to even more themes like forest or swamp or anything you'd prefer. But I hate rotating. Using ocean, river, sea, water. Bah, annoying.
**IN A NUTSHELL**
Again regarding punctuation. Don't put them on EVERY end of a line. They make my eyes hurt.
As always, keep writing!
~Memo
P/s: MORNING
Thank you for the review, the advise will prove helpful to me. I will work on the poem when I have the chance.
As always: No problem
Dear felistia,
I am so happy that you have managed to take my little snippet and turn it into something so beautiful! I'm glad that you were able to find use for it! This is a wonderful poem, one of the better ones I've seen so far. Your use of imagery creates a scene so peaceful, so beautiful, you would think that it was nothing but a dream. I wish I could travel to the location you have created, for it seems like such a peaceful little island in the middle of the chaos of life! Sorry for going poet on you, I'm scrubbing tired right now. Anyway, I am glad you sent me the link for your poem. Since this is a review, I might as well point out a small nitpick, sorry. Table cloth is actually one word (again sorry for nitpicking, but meh). Have an excellent day, and sorry (again) if I got off track or got redundant.
thank you for the review and don't be afraid to give me some nit-picks. I like it when people tell me what will make my writing better or just point out mistakes.
Right then, Well done, a poem without pretention, thoroughly enjoyable. If there is a deeper meaning it's too deep for me and I'll just assume you don't have one so I can enjoy a well written little descriptive poem.
Frankly I don't have much negative, constructive or otherwise, to say about this poem. I have never seen a clear sky completely free from light pollution, so I am unable to attest as to the validity of your descriptions of the sky and it's distant decorations.
Uh. Well if I can't criticize I suppose I'll praise and hope you can infer from what I didn't praise, cause I liked it all. It's a solid poem, not the most amazing thing in the world, but with very few negative points. So yeah.
Greatly enjoyed these two lines, especially the first one. Cobalt is pretty much never used as adjective and rarely as a noun. And who can blame people? It's not the most common metal and there are other words for blue.
Thank you for the review.