Diamond rain drops pitter patter onto the fern green leaves and vines
The rich scents of the rainforest twist and curl on the spring breeze
Radiant birds of paradise sing their sweet songs from the tops of the trees.
Flashes of gold and admiral blue sweep through the great boughs
Plumes of crimson and emerald feathers dance through the hot, misty air,
Common blue parrots, black and gold toucans, and birds of paradise rare,
As the prized girl watches,
They puff out their red chests,
Fluffing their golden crests.
They bob their heads,
Springing and prancing,
Spinning and dancing.
Wings spread,
They dance fight,
To win the right,
For her hand.
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,738 Reviews
Hey! Cello here!'Ello, it's Cello!This was a really great poem. It had a lot of imagery and really took the reader to the scene of the story.
When I think of the rainforest, I think of three things.
-The sound
-The green color
-The humidity
You hit this list half way for me. You got the color when describing the leaves. You mentioned the bird songs but not... enough? and you completely skipped the atmosphere.
Now of course, this is just how I see things. Other people may see it completely differently but other people may also see it in exactly the same way (or similarly). I'm going to hope for the last half of that sentence and edit based off of that.
A lot of the songs are loud and attention catching oppose to sweet, which makes them fun. Maybe spice it up a bit to something like
'Radiant birds of paradise call out their lively songs from the top of the tree'
It adds more space for the reader to imagine and insert different bird songs.
Okay, so you did mention the atmosphere a bit. Still, some detail would be nice.
'Plumes of crimson and emerald feathers dance through the hot, misty air,'
or even
'Plumes of crimson and emerald feathers dance through the humid, misty air,'
Most of my example sentences are pretty bad but they're nothing more than suggestions for you to change and alter to your own liking.
Try putting the first line here at the end. 'The prized girl' is a new 'character'. Start with something familiar then throw in the new bird.
They puff out their red chests,
Spreading their golden crests,
As the prized girl watches.
You work wonderfully with imagery! Keep up the good work!
-ChocolateCello
Hello Felista! It's me, ILoveBooks! And I'm gonna give you one review that will inspire you more on writing poems because this will be all positive. Especially now it's review Day!
Great job!
Happy Review Day!
First, I would like to congratulate you for creating some poems like this that actually caught other people's attention. It's great for people like me who are bored to read something that is so calming and give a deep perspective about a poem.
When I saw this on my wall I was like wondering what is this poem about? What is the topic of this? Should I open it or not? Of course I open it because hey I love to read one great poem. And it because the title let me wonder things.
So I never regret opening it.
I have fun reading this because it give positive emotions for readers like me who are currently having problems to dealt with. But because of this it actually give me hopes and because the title has birds in it. And I love birds as much as books.
When I read the beginning I was actually quitw amaze because in the beginning you already caught my attention and let me continue more on reading this poem of yours. When I feel it more, I feel like I was inside the poem itself feeling every little emotions inside.
The poem flows perfectly that it was so amazing and fascinating. There are no problem at all and that's why I couldn't comment any bad things about your piem. It's one of my favorite positive poem ever. You are very talented I praise you for that.
Anyway that's all for my review. I hope you continue more on writing something like this because it inspire people so much
-ILoveBooks out.
Hey Felista! MissLyricz is here for a positive review of your poem!
The first thing that grabbed my attention was the title- it created curiosity within me, so I couldn't help but read it!
Then, when I began reading your poem, I realized what an amazing writer you truly are! The very first line, you absorbed your readers into the imaginative world of the poem- I was instantly involved in it!
The words flowed together so perfectly, it was almost magical! There is absolutely nothing that I can suggest or pick on because this poem was incredible! It's by far one of he most favourite ones that I have ever read and it is an honour to read your poetry, Felista! You are truly talented!
I look forward to reading your future works, because you have just rightly deserved and earned a follow from myself!
MissLyricz x
Hey Felista,
Myjaspercat here for a review.
Ok. Honestly there isn't much for me to reveiw her. I really liked this poem and that isn't a normal thing for me. But in the spirit of review day I will give you a few suggestions.
1.) The whole rhyme thing just throws me off a bit. I'm not saying it's bad or that you shouldn't use by any means, bit I do think you should change it up.
2.)Small little nitpick... You used the word emerald to describe something. Now my issues with this is that after the first time of using it, it doesn't become some original description just another adjective. Suggestion- change the use of emerald the second time to something else. (same goes with the words gold and blue)
3.) Kind of like number 2 but instead you are using very similar action words ( spreading and spread).
Anyways that is all. I hope I helped a little (or a lot, you decide.) Good luck and continue writing.
Hello!
Stegosaurus here for a review!
For this poem, you add such a sense of imagery, the reader can fully imagine all the amazing birds in the rain forest. I don't know much about birds, but from the tone and the diction you have of this, it seems kinda mysterious. It makes me want to think of the hidden birds that hide, holding their colors away from the outside world, as it could possibly ruin their secret.
Another thing I like to point out, is the story. I liked the story of this as it seems the birds are trying to get the attention of the girl, hoping their feathers will win her heart. However, I feel like it also fell flat in some areas. Even though it has a point and state of being, I feel you could expand more into this-- you explain the birds' behaviors yet you don't explain how the girl is reacting to them. Is she clapping? Bobbing her head? Maybe both? Expand more of that onto this poem.
I am a lover for imagery however, some poems just use most of it to the advantage of hoping to get a point across. You use imagery as a mood and tone and, as an opinion, I feel there is little too much imagery. However, you may leave the imagery as itself and continue on with it.
I liked the different array of birds you have here. Two little things:
You have a listing here and from what I know, listings have commas to make more sense and probably not to add the common "and". After, toucans there should be a comma. Like I said, it seems to be a listing.
Another thing is the word of "rare" at the end, hanging and holding onto an invisible rope. It seems little disconnected to the whole poem, like a misfit toy. However, you seem to use it as imagery and a powerful word, which is fine and dandy, but I feel you should use a comma, once again.
You seem to use Birds of Paradise quite often in this poem (twice, to be exact). Spice it up with birds. There are thousands of different birds living in a forest-- now, now I understand you were focused on some birds that look pretty and whatnot.
From reading it again, it seems the birds symbolize love or possibly a human? As they fly, the birds are trying to get the girl to notice their colors and see whom is the strongest. Another thing, is the rhyming scheme you have here. It seems to be an odd beat rhyme but catches the mood of the poem itself.
Overall, this was a lovely poem. I liked the imagery and the tone you have. Your poems are focused on nature and what I think of it, most people don't see nature as some people do (like you).
If you like me to go over anything, let me know!
Steggy
Hi thank you for the review. I just want to say that birds of paradise are a specific group of rare birds living in the rain forest. You should have a look at them on google.
Hi! This is my first review of my first Review Day. Hope you're having a wonderful day.
First of all, I must say this is a beautiful depiction of birds competing for a mate; never thought it could be this beautiful. The rhyme scheme is well structured (something I can't always say for myself), the flow is melodic, and the imagery is delightful. I don't have any criticism, but since it's review day, I'll go more in detail about it.
"Diamond rain drops pitter patter onto emerald leaves and vines."
The first line instantly shows the setting of the piece.
"Radiant birds of paradise..."
I admire how you organized the poem to introduce each aspect of the piece (first the setting then the subjects).
"As the prized girl watches..."
Love how this is sort of personification and realistic (as you categorized), at the same time.
Beautiful lines well presented. The image is very clear in my mind while reading this. Very beautiful piece!
P.S. Love the last stanza the most!
Thank you for the review.
Hey, Felistia! Happy Review day.
As part of Review day, I will be reviewing this pretty paradise work of yours. To get this thing started, I'd like to point out one stanza that really stood out to me and caught my eye.
The rhyming works and doesn't seem cheesy or out of place. The words you picked are wonderful, and go out through the poem well. I also love in the beginning of your poem, where you described the setting and types of birds, but that went well with the rest of the poem. I think it's nice how you described it in the beginning, so I could get a feel of what it was like to truly be there.
Next, is sort of connected to what I said before. The sense of imagery you have in here! I think it was wonderful. For a next task to put you on, I think that you could start more on metaphors and similes, as to bring the poem more to life and have some description. If you do decide to do this, let me warn you that too much won't be a good quality poem. Unless I didn't catch some in here, I think you could add one or two metaphors in here to really emphasize what you want the reader to imagine.
I was thinking that instead of "on" it should be "in". But knowing me, my corrections could be wrong. Also, I'd say the end of the line before that could use a comma (after "vines") as you did that on the next stanza as well.
Alright, so overall I think that this was a good, inspiring poem. I think that you could work on a little with what I mentioned, though. I honestly think that besides that, there isn't much else except possibly some grammar/spelling mistakes.
Thank you for publishing this amazing work! Keep writing - you'll definitely improve
~Sun
Thank you for the review. I will get round to fixing it as soon as I can.
Your welcome!~