The bottoms of the clouds are a dark grey with curling gold peaks. The sea tosses and turns under the large ominous shape. As the sun slowly starts to dip below the mountains the tips of the clouds turn a light copper. The sea mirrors the churned up base of the storm.
Clouds streak across the sky like brush strokes. Further out to sea a rainbow peaks out from under the blanket of gunmetal grey.
The sun finally sinks below the mountains outlining them in a veil of scarlet. Its last dying rays turn the cloud’s crests a burnt orange. A bright rose seems to light up within the bottom of the swirling vapour like a lamp being switched on. The smell of rain is in the air as the storm rolls in. Further away lightning flashes and the distant thunder rumbles. For a few fleeting seconds the sea turns the same light copper as up above. Rain streams down in long speckled purple sheets.Dark creeps over the land as the light fades. The warm glow inside the clouds slowly dims from violet to a dark grey once more and the sky shifts from a lavender to cobalt.
The moon rises into the star lit sky, its milky round reflection rising and falling on the rolling waves below. Plankton glows a bright luminescent blue in the dark ocean depths. The waves pound against the island’s rocks, their curling peaks gleaming silver in the moons light. Stars twinkle like pearls on a cobalt canvas as the night slowly deepens.
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140,191 Literary Works • 673,040 Reviews
Hi Felestia, driveasyoulike is here with a review on this beautiful piece of writing.
First of all, I would like to compliment the language and the use of present tense. The latter adds vividness to the prose and language is highly successful in establishing the mood of wonder, even magic. The way you managed to present a sunset as something unique is very engaging and motivates the reader to pay more attention to the everyday sights.
Secondly, the transition from one paragraph to another is well-established, as we can follow the change in light and atmosphere. The second paragraph though is a bit isolated, thus disrupting the tone, but I understand why you decided to put it on its own.
The only mistake is the "like like brush strokes", as I believe it's a typo.
In general, it is a very good piece of writing and your mastery of the language is impressive. As I already said, the work itself is beautiful, I could see every detail you described and lost myself, while reading it.
All the best,
Driveasyoulike
Greetings felistia! Holographic Ladybug here with a review!
This, I am glad to say, is so good that I have a hard time finding anything wrong. You swiftly transition from each moment in a way that isn't confusing, so I give you a thumbs-up for that. It's great how you conclude with a literal conclusion to the scene--night. The sunset's over and then night comes. Perfect. I also think that you last sentence is a great choice because (like I've mentioned above) it concludes this perfectly. It fades out a little and into what would be a new scene.
Your use of different word for colours is also fantastic. Copper, scarlet, cobalt, gunmetal, rose, etc. Those all add more vivid description to your scene. You also use a few more common words, which is fine. In that way, you're not overdoing it (which is probably pretty hard) and it still gives a sort of simple sense.
Fantastic job and never stop writing!
~Holographic Ladybug
This piece is probably best categorized under prose-poetry I think. I'm a bit of a fan of prose-poetry.
Something about this piece made me feel really calm; just reading the descriptions of the weather and trying to picture everything happening. It's a work that really needs to be read slowly to be appreciated, and multiple times.
"Clouds streak across the sky like someone is painting them in long brush strokes" I think this sentence could be condensed to something like "Clouds streak across the sky like like brush strokes." I don't think that loses any of the description but it makes it a bit more concise.
You mention the sun moving below the mountains in both the first and second stanza/paragraph. This messes with the timeline a bit; you should try to make it more clear that it's just starting to fall in the first stanza.
"For a short period of time" Is there a more poetic or concise way to say this? From almost every other phrase I feel you're getting you're bang for your buck, but this one's just not adding as much to the story as the rest are.
I like how you're able to list off so many colors in the piece without it seeming tedious or repetitive. You're very eloquent.
I love how you begin and end by describing something as 'curling peaks'. It gives the piece such a unity.
Personally, the smack of the waves seems really violent comparatively to the softness and calm that I'm feeling from the rest of the piece.
I really, really, really enjoyed this piece.
Hope this review helps.
-tgirly
Hi Felistia Jessiebear is talking to you. I love the way you described the clouds. And the sentence after that but the bit I wold like you to in prove is this sentence. (The sea tosses and turns under the large ominous shape.) It could go like this. (The blue frothy sea tosses and churns under the large ominous shape.) and the sun I think it needs to be described as well. as fore in stains. ( As the evening ginger sun dips below the mountains the tips of the clouds turn a light copper.) then it would be perfect. Have a good day/night.
Thank you for the review. I don't really agree with your advice, sorry. If I added the things you suggested the piece wouldn't flow as well. Piece of advice, when you write a review you should look through and correct your spelling.
No problem I will do that.