z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

The Colours of Spring

by felistia


The yellow sun peaks over the mountain,

illuminating the blue water fountain,

That stands on the spring green farm.

      

Bright song birds sing in the trees,

The leaves rustling in a cool spring breeze.

Red and gold flowers are blossoming,

    

Their aroma fragrant and sweet.

All over the hill young lambs bleat,

Their shiny, white wool bounces,

    

As they joyfully bound and play.

A beautiful, flying blue jay,

Calls to the warm, spring winds,

      

As he flies home for the day.

The lambs curl up in the hay,

Warm and ready for sleep.

       

The sun smiles and hides its shining face,

Turning the sky red as a pottery vase.

Not a wisp of cloud can be seen,

      

As the stars start to twinkle in the twilight.

The silver moon shimmers in the night,

Grass sways gently in the milky raze, 

            

As crickets start to sing their song,

Their tiny hearts beating so strong.

A ghostly hoot cuts through the night air.

      

The feathers ruffle on the night owl's wing,

In the coming of Spring.

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Tue Dec 15, 2015 10:19 pm
HolographicLadybug wrote a review...



Hello again Felistia! I'm back for a short review! ;)

This is quite interesting. I wasn't quite expecting this specifically from a poem about spring, but this is way better. You've gone to quite some interesting things in your poem. You demonstrate them wonderfully. Your poem has a nice rhythm to it, which adds to the whole spring feeling. I'd have to say that my favorite part are the last seven lines. I'm not sure why, but they just seem so interesting.

Anyway, wonderful poem yet again! :)
Never stop writing!
~Holographic Ladybug :D




felistia says...


Thank you yet again for the review. :D



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Fri Nov 06, 2015 1:01 am
Konijn wrote a review...



Hey Felistia!

I really enjoyed this poem! It had an interesting rhyme scheme that worked well for it and the way it was written. I really enjoyed the imagery you placed in it, you really painted those spring night skies and the sunsets for me.

One thing I noticed that you capitalized the word Crickets. While I am not opposed to capitilizing things for emphasis or meaning, I wasn't completely sure why Crickets in particular was capitalized and not the blue jay or the lamb.

Overall, this was an incredible poem that I love! This is probably the best dipiction of spring I have yet to read, so good job! Keep writing, I look forward to reading more of your works!




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Fri Oct 30, 2015 2:05 am
unbreakablesmile wrote a review...



Hey Felistia! I'm here to review! :)

I love the imagery in this poem, it takes me on an adventure.

that stands on the spring green farm.

Bright song birds sing in the trees,


I noticed that your rhyming scheme wasn't matched up, and I don't know if that was intentional or not but for me it took something away from the poem. The fluidity, I feel, is what really brings a reader in and creates a picture, but for me it suddenly stopped. It was like hitting a speed bump. This is just a suggestion though, I know how hard it is to rhyme everything.

turning the sky red as a pottery vase


I'm not sure that a pottery vase was the best thing to compare the sky to, in order to paint a picture or a comparison. Perhaps to add to the overall effect of the poem compare the red of the sky to something spring related? Like a bird or specific flower?

Overall, I really love this poem, and even though my favorite season is fall, this makes me miss spring. Happy Writing!




felistia says...


thanks for the review. I have changed some of the writing. I can't work around the pottery vase.



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Tue Oct 27, 2015 3:43 pm
DollyDee wrote a review...



Hi Felistia! I'm DollyDee and I'm here to review your piece :)

This was a really descriptive, beautiful poem. I enjoyed reading it, and was relaxed immediately after!

All over the hill young lambs bleat, their shiny, white wool bounces


This was one of my favorite lines in the poem! I think adding the young lambs into your description was so cute as well as different. My vision of your happy place kept altering as you kept describing more and more scenery and it was awesome!

as Crickets start to sing their song, their tiny hearts beating so strong. In the coming of Spring.


The ending of your poem could not have been sweeter. I just kept imagining all the little creatures you kept describing! The last line really wraps it all up in a beautiful way.

Overall, I adored this poem. It was such a happy, uplifting, peaceful piece and exactly what I hoped it would be! Thank you for sharing your work!

DollyDee x




felistia says...


I am missing spring too, so I wrote this to make me feel better. I am glad you like it. Thank you for the review.



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Tue Oct 27, 2015 4:17 am
BriannaNyx says...



This has such a cheerful tone! Instantly made me feel warm inside like it was spring again. I love your word choice too. ❤




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Mon Oct 26, 2015 10:23 pm
TheDarkWriter says...



Love it! the use of descriptive language is amazing. You really captured the feeling of Spring and your words say it all!. I love how it rhymes even if it doesn't rhyme all the way through but not all poetry has to rhyme!. You did an amazing job, keep it up. :)




felistia says...


thank you



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Mon Oct 26, 2015 12:20 pm
Snazzy wrote a review...



Hello! :D

You definitely have a hand for description! Maybe a bit much at times, but I like it! It gives you a kind of 'trademark' as a writer. ;) I only have a few nitpicks...

You have a kind of rhythm of rhyming 2 lines, not rhyming 1, rhyming 2 lines, not rhyming 1, and so on. This is lost in in the last two lines.

Crickets start to chirrup and sing,

In the coming of spring.


Maybe you could change it to something that doesn't rhyme with spring, and in the last line, use spring. Example:
"Crickets start to sing their song,
their tiny hearts, still beating strong.
In the coming of the spring."
Or better yet, on the last non-rhyming line, have it rhyme with the previous line! Example:
The stars start to twinkle in the twilight,

The silver moon shimmers in the night,

As the grasses sway in the breeze,

Crickets start to chirrup and sing,

In the coming of spring.


So breeze and spring would rhyme (If you added another line in before spring). Something like this maybe...

"The stars start to twinkle in the twilight,
The silver moon shimmers in the night.
The feathers ruffle on a night owl's wing.
Crickets start to sing their song,
their tiny hears beating so strong.
In the coming of Spring."

I don't know - it sounds okay either way, so it's your choice! You are the author! :D Other than that, great job with this! :D Keep writing!

~Snazzy, Pencil, Penicillin, etc. :D
Stay awesome! ;)




felistia says...


Thanks for the review. I love your idea and will apply the suggestion tomorrow. thank you again.




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