White dust furiously billowing out,
Behind pounding hooves of ivory.
Rippling muscles, echoing snorts and whinnies,
Sweat streaked hide and unquenched spirits.
Silken manes flowing in the breeze,
Like air born waves of chestnut brown.
Galloping like the very wind,
as free as the eagles.
All knowing eyes of ebony,
As wise as the earth herself.
Wild mustangs,
The essence of freedom.
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139,786 Literary Works • 672,767 Reviews
This is Kaos here for a review!
I didn't really find the imagery all that interesting in this poem? It's another horse poem, and that's about as much thought I had about it. There's not really a theme to follow here so the reader doesn't really know how interpret the poem other than that. I suggest giving the reader some sort of theme to guide them so that they can actually interpret the poem. It's really only relatable if the reader likes horses.
I couldn't really appreciate the imagery here because of the use of adjectives. They're good and I can enjoy parts of the poem, but I don't think I can personally relate to the poem, and that's your biggest problem. I suggest perhaps making a narrative out of this so that people who aren't particularly interested in horses can read and enjoy the poem, but that's just my thoughts.
The biggest problem is the lack of emotional connection between the poem and the audience. The audience doesn't really have a reason to care about the poem and that's the biggest crime that you've committed here. Give us a reason to care about you writing about horses, put some emotional weight behind the lines rather than them just being so soulless. Pour some heart into this poem so we can drink it.
I hope I helped and have a great day!
I can just imagine every part of this piece. Every detail is perfect. It's like I can see the horses galloping in my head. Very descriptive which really adds to this. It would be cool if you could know what the horse is thinking. Like why are they running? Just for fun? Fleeing from a predator?
Also, why are the snorts and whinnies echoing? Is there more than one horse? Going through a cave or something?
This was overall a great piece the details were very descriptive in the right places
Hey, felistia
First Impressions: I like the flow and the feel of the poem. It really has this downward drag that pulls me to keep reading, and to read a little faster.
Positives:
I really like that you tagged furiously with the dust, rather than the hooves. We all know that if a bunch of horses are all running around, it's going to be crazy. But your application of "show me, don't tell me" here was impeccable. Nice job.
Not sure if you wanted it to be this way, but the correct spelling is "airborne." The fortunate part is, though, that air born can also work, and be very interesting if you think of the horses being born of the air, rather than born by the air. For you to decide.
Negatives:
You have a great ability to twist some art into your writing, but there's a few lines here that seem just a little to, "seen this before." They're just not unique, that's all.
Overall: Well done, quite enjoyed it.
I give it: