Autumn's Tale

Hi!!

Thank you so much for requesting a review, and hopefully, I will meet the standards you're looking for. Overall, I think this a unique perspective about winter chasing a bird. I love the details you provide us and the amount of description you've put into this work. Here are somethings that could use some work though:

It might be a personal preference, but I thought ever line in a poem had to have the first letter capitalized, and even if that's not true, your's are inconsistent. They aren't starting sentences, not even ever other.

I really enjoyed the first stanza and the flow it created for this poem, but I think the first two lines would serve better if reversed in order so the words flown and in flight aren't so close together. Also, the second part of the first stanza feels like an unfinished sentence.

The last line in the second stanza, I feel, breaks the flow of this poem because of the word slowing... it sounds or looks to closely to snow, I guess. I'm not really quite sure what it is, but I did have to read it out loud a few times before reading the rest of the poem. Which is another reason why I enjoyed this poem so much, because I had to read it a few times to really grasp an understanding of it, making me appreciate it even more.

In the third stanza and second line, there should not be a comma after white. There may be a few rules on punctuation and such on the forums. I'm not quite sure where to look or I would post the links for you. Someone did it for me once and it did wonders for me. Sorry I couldn't find them.

In the third stanza, third line, the words grasp and snatch are so sharp they disrupt the flow of the poem for me, but I really like the last two lines of that poem, so I don't know if you should change it or not.

And, the punctuation in the last stanza seems a little off with all the commas and semi-colon.

Overall, I really enjoyed this read and am so appreciative you brought it to my attention. Keep working hard! Let me know if you need any thing else.

~Tiffany

To start off, I'd like to say that rhyming poems are my favorite, so this one caught my eye. You mentioned in the summary that you didn't know exactly what it was about. Maybe someone fleeing from a dark past? That's what came to my mind as I read it, especially with the jagged ice part (maybe poisonous recollections of previous deeds?) It's happened to me before that I just come up with rhyming verses and put them together and start creating the story after.

Anyways, lets get to the review!

1. Word choice:
I feel like there were a few times that I would replace a few words with others that conjured more of an image.

For years I have traveled (maybe replace traveled with something else. Maybe wandered of flown?),

Taking flight across the globe,

from the east to the far west,

never stopping for a (I think "to sleep" would work better here) sleep or rest.



Keeping in front of the jagged ice,

staying ahead of the deathly cold,

fleeing the blizzards and snow (sleet would be better because it is less commonly used),

I can’t ever land nor slow ("Never landing nor slowing" would fit into the context better).



All I know is that I must never stop (Maybe, "I know I can never pause"?),

or the spikes of freezing white,

will grasp and snatch at me.

Over the land and the deep (blue) sea,



I fly, but still it chases (maybe "follows") my wing beats.

Through the starlit night I hear it,

growling and snarling behind my tail,

never sleeping, always on my trail. ("Always hunting my trail")

Hello! Maddie here to give a poetry review for you!

I like the concept of this piece. My only issue honestly is that it's hard to get into this work. I think it's just the way this is worded. Like sometimes this has a pretty decent flow then out of nowhere you change the meter so then its hard to stay focus and be as involved. Some things are worded a bit awkwardly, like I got stopped in the first stanza when I read the last line "never stopping for a sleep or rest."

Like that unneeded "a" totally made me lose focus for a good minute or so because I couldn't figure out why this sounded weird.

My only advice is that you just reword some things and follow the suggestions given my Autumns!

Thanks! Keep writing!
~Maddie

Hey felestia. How you doin'?

Let's get started with the review. I've made some minor corrections (using strikeouts and bold letters).

For years I have travelled traveled,
Taking flight across the globe,
from the east to the far west,
never stopping for a sleep or rest.

Keeping in front of the jagged ice,
staying ahead of the deathly cold,
fleeing the blizzards and snow,
I can’t ever land nor slow.

All I know is that I must never stop,
or the spikes of freezing white,
will grasp and snatch at me.
Overland and in(?) the deep sea,

I fly, but still it chases my wing beats.
Through the starlit night I hear it,
growling and snarling behind my tail,
never sleeping, always on my trail.