Magnificent mustangs pounding across the western plains,
Their hoofs thumping the ground, the wind slicing through their manes,
Trumpeting their joy over the swaying grasses of the vast prairie,
Traveling over mountains high and the plains low,
Journeying through drought and storm-blown snow,
Sprinting across the great American wilderness.
Muscles ripple under their sleek hide as they fly,
One with the ancient land and deep blue sky,
Wild and free as the wind in the sun lit grasses.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,021 Literary Works • 672,738 Reviews
Hey there felistia. I saw your title and figured I better check it out. I have not yet come across a piece of poetry where the subject could be a car or an animal so that grabbed my attention.
- Just like wridingislife I was drawn to this because of one word, mustang. I never owned one, (yet) but they are beautiful creatures. Trigger from the Roy Roger's movies would agree.
-Moving along. I saw a few grammatical errors but I think someone already pointed them out. - The first line does not flow write, consider revising. You already have some alliteration going, maybe try and build onto this.
- In the last line I think you meant to say lit instead of light. If not, considering rewording that so the meaning is clear.
Great job!
-lizzybookclubqueen1
"Riding is the art of keeping a horse between you and the ground."
Hi felestia. Similarly to wridingislife, I saw the title and wanted to hear all about it. To be honest, I was picturing the car (how could anyone not, it's a pretty beautiful car), but when I saw that it was about horses, I was still excited, because horses are beautiful, too, maybe even as beautiful as the car. Maybe. But enough about cars/horses, and on to your poem. It's pretty good, with few grammatical errors.
In the second stanza, the word "mountain" should probably be plural, because "plains" is plural, and keeping that as constant as you can will help the flow of the poem.
Just to minimize confusion, maybe you could make "storm blown" hyphenated, because I think I kept putting the emphasis on the wrong word while reading it, and the hyphen would have cleared that up, but no biggie.
Lastly, in the final stanza, the words "sun light grass" should read, unless I'm mistaken, "sunlit grass". But I might have read it wrong.
Anyway, that's all the nitpicking I did. I liked the description of the horses, and they really are majestic creatures, and probably hate that people sit on them all the time. That's weird to think about, but I won't bore you with my fantasies.
Great job with the wording especially,
~Caterpickle
[supposed to be a review, but oh well, too late now :p]
Freya here for a review!
I saw the title and I just had to see what you said. I used to own a mustang so can you blame me?
Your verbs in this poem are entertaining and gripping but since this poem is so short, I would use even more colorful words. Instead of "Magnificent American mustangs galloping across the western plains", I would say "American stallions/mustangs(either work) pounding across the western plains, Hooves beating the ground, wind slicing through their manes."
The description is great but I don't get the reverence and awe stricken-ness that mustangs should give me. These animals are wild and kind, powerful and quiet, playful and wise.
Good job! Like I said, I used to own one of these guys so you certainly did them justice with this poem. Keep up the good work.