I really dislike math,
it fills me with wrath.
I always get it dreadfully wrong,
and the sums are so long.
Everyone says it is easy,
but it just makes me queasy.
I absolutely adore reading,
it is even better than my beading.
It lovingly sweeps me away,
to a world of joy and play.
It is the best part of school,
it is as good as the pool.
You can create a story,
of quests and glory.
A great heroic fight
with a silver knight.
You can write a book,
about a guy with a hook.
School can be good and bad.
It can make you sad or mad,
but it mostly makes me glad.
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,732 Reviews
The title {A Day at School) of your poem will really engage your reader, i love the poem, in fact i am in love with it already
I really dislike math,
it fills me with wrath.
I always get it dreadfully wrong,
and the sums are so long.
Everyone says it is easy,
but it just makes me queasy.
I absolutely adore reading,
it is even better than my beading.
It lovingly sweeps me away,
to a world of joy and play.
It is the best part of school,
it is as good as the pool.
You can create a story,
of quests and glory.
A great heroic fight
with a silver knight.
You can write a book,
about a guy with a hook.
School can be good and bad.
It can make you sad or mad,
but it mostly makes me glad.
there is nothing much to review in your work. you did a well creative writing, keep it up.
I will need your permission to paste it on my new book that would be publish end of this month.
keep writing......
Don't give up.
Thanks for the review.
Sure.Hello!
I couldn't find anything wrong with this! 
Thanks for that! Keep writing!
Sorry, no review on this one!!
it was funny. i laughed.It was 'awesomely' hilarious, and it made me laugh!~Snazzy, Pencil, Penicillin, etc.
Stay awesome!
Right ho. Now I would like to preface this with saying that I hate poetry, it's practically my least favorite thing in the world, so any harshness can likely be attributed to that, and not actual malice.
So the poem was good 'nuff for a poem, it wasn't ridiculously pompous and it wasn't 3deep5me, it has the thoroughly commendable trait of being able to be understood by anyone. You don't like math, because yadda yadda, you like Reading, because yadda yadda yadda. Very good. No one is going to walk up and argue that this shows mans tainted spirit for learning, or some garbage.
Now, As for the bad, the Rhymes seem to very much be there simply to be there.
[quote] You can write books,
about dirty crooks,
With golden hooks, [/quote)
While I'll admit, the third line of rhymes does add to the poem each time it happens, the line itself usually seems rather forced, "with golden hooks," is a good example of where it just seems forced. Perhaps I'm reading it wrong, and I'm sure it sounds good when spoken in a certain way, but it simply ain't clickin' for me.
Hi, I really like this poem, but there's so many commas, that I can't even find, where things, are supposed, to end, so if you could, please, fix that, it would be great.
That wasn't very pretty, was it? So, let me just say, right off the bat, that you (over?)used the comma. If that wasn't obvious.
1.
You're making everything seem like one big sentence-- literally. You only used the period once, and that was at the end of your poem. You need to use correct punctuation with things like these. That's like me starting off the review like I did.
Also, it seems that the rhyming here is almost forced? Forcing things to work together doesn't make it smooth. It makes it bland, and, honestly, lame.
2.
I...okay, when you start out with a certain rhyming scheme, don't go back, halfway through the poem, and switch it. It makes the poem like unorganized and dirty (as in messy.)
And still, here, the rhymes are forced. The poem is sloppy, and not very professional.
3.
The last thing I wanted to talk about was your title. In the poem, you state that you don't like math. Yeah, not a lot of people do. But, then you go on, and ramble on about the subjects that you DO like. These things aren't troubling to the person who's talking about it. Therefore, your title doesn't fit.
That's all for today. Good work, though, and I hope to see more poems (with less commas) from you.
Oh! You've edited it!
Hey, so i am actually going to review but it will be short.
I found this poem fun it is a quirky funny subject, I liked that you showed the good and bad parts of school. You have had a great try at rhyming, personally I find trying to write in rhyme worse than math. (I don’t mind maths too much). One thing for the future, which will help with the forced rhyming @Artemis28 picked up on, would be to follow a different rhyming pattern. Don’t try changing it for this one. At the moment it is aa,bb,cc ee,bb,ff g,g,g,h,h,i,i,i (message me if that doesn’t make sense) sticking to a patern like a,b,a,c a,b,a,c makes it much harder to write but fixes up on the forced feeling, it also gives a link between each stanza. (Just don’t ask me to give any examples of my own writing) Don’t give up on rhyme because it can be a brilliant tool. (Advice added partly for the benefit of myself) Another thing I like was that you made it personal by including your beading!
Thank you for the advice. I really like to rhyme, so I won't give it up
Hey, felistia!
You have already got some good reviews from Art, DrFeel and Stranger. They have already pointed out most of the things that I would tell..you know, there's no need to actually re-remind the points. So, here goes a very short review from me.
First, I felt that there were lots of "make me want"..I think you should have reconstructed the lines in a better way with better verbs and expressions. Again, throughout the whole poem, I felt you were just saying the same things using different lines.
I would like to tell you to dig deeper. If you write something on a common topic, you have to use uncommon things to write it.
And finally, math is not that bad a subject. It's fun when you try to connect to it and pay a little bit of attention. I am not so good at math..but I don't hate it. I like it.
preach! Could use some work though...
Hello, Felistia! It's Artemis here to review!
(Oh, just a little sidenote, I really like math, but I didn't take any offense.)
So, on the very first line, you say "I loathing Math." There are two things wrong with that. First, loathing should be loath. And second, Math should not be capitalized.
In the fourth stanza, the second line doesn't make sense. "I just grown oh no?" I have no idea what you mean by that. Maybe you could rearrange the wording to something like, "All those numbers in a row/makes me say "Oh no".
So, I like the consistent rhyming (even if the stanzas are a little bit weird). However, each rhyme sounds forced, like you're searching really really hard for something to rhyme with. Sometimes, that forced sound creates weird rhymes... likes in this one. Such as the one that says "Makes me want to twiddle my thumbs and pull all the teeth out my gums." It doesn't flow well, and the reader kind of feels... I dunno, kind of like, "Why are these rhymes legit?" I think you could go for making the rhymes less forced.
Also, all these commas! Even though some of these lines don't need them, you put them everywhere, even the last line! I don't know what's up with that, but you need to fix it.
Overall, I really like the idea, but the entire poem needs a little brushing up. But the whole "I hate math" vibe was very cool!
-Artemis28
Thanks for the review. Those were spelling mistakes and I have fixed them, feeling very embarrassed now. I am very new to poetry so criticism is good and I will take what you've said on board. I am much better at writing novels.
Okay, nice to know!
you said it fam
Hey, Felistia, DrFeelGood here to review your poem.
To be honest, my thoughts completely echo with Stranger. Though I am generally a guy who sugarcoats criticism, I can't help but see some serious issues with this work. For me, it didn't work in both the humor and the lyrical categories. The subject of the discussion in itself is a serious cliche and the treatment to the material is plain sophomoric. We have seen many works in past where a subject (mostly mathematics) has been mocked. Nothing wrong with that, but it is honestly quite boring. And like I said, there is nothing new for the readers here.
Like Stranger said, even the rhymes aren't smooth and act like speed breakers on an already bumpy road. Since he has focussed on that part, I would like to dedicate this review focussing on humor and what you can do to improve it. Here are some of the devices I use while writing humor.
1. Create an interesting setup:
Your theme is interesting. While the idea is a cliche, you can still create some comedy by incorporating whimsicality. Here there is hardly a plot (I am not implying that you must use one, but since there is no symbolism in this poem using a fun plot would add the comic value)
For instance what if you were actually fighting a battle with Math or maybe math was name of a friend who cheated you so you confronted him?
A setup like this creates excitement for readers and you can hopefully engage them in a better way.
2. Incorporate Irony:
If you don't like my first suggestion of using a plot you can think about irony. This isn't always easy, but irony draws laughs in most cases. It also brings a lot of freshness with itself.
You have described how math seems hard to you and easy for others. You can add, how kids find it hard to do easy number problems while I have to deal with calculus (in a way hinting at how we always trivialise the issues of our juniors but yell when our seniors ignore us)
3. Add Punchlines:
The most crutial part of humor writing! Your poem was expressive but lacked punches. You really need them to draw laughs. Punchlines can include strikeouts, sudden shift in the premise, an unexpected suspense or even total madness. If you're serious about humor writing you need to learn the art of delivering punchlines. I can't cite any example because they should come out instinctively from the author. You have to internalise it. Punchlines vary from work to work. But without them your work won't reach its optimum.
Overall, this needs work and I hope my suggestions were useful. You can surely improve this poem with more revisions and rewrites. Keep writing! Good luck!
Thank you, all this is very helpful. This was a quick poem for school and everyone found it funny, so I posted it here. I like the review and will apply it to my work in the places I can.
Hey, yo, Felistia! Stranger here on this wonderful day and I have a review for you!
So, this review may come from the fact that I have no sense of humor. Or I do, and ours are just vastly different. Either way, I didn't laugh at this poem. If anything, it gave me a grunt. This has elements I have seen before, and I never found them humorous in the first place. What I'm about to say can help you as a writer when it comes to delivery. If you shrug it off, then that just sucks. Let's jump in, shall we?
Fun fact, rhyming only works 2.7% of the time. It doesn't work here at all. What's wrong from the start is that the opening stanza absolutely slaughters the flow. Your first two lines are rather short, then you have the third line that is super long. When reading this out loud, you'll notice that you have to rush the third line just so it stays in rhythm, and that doesn't work at all. Also, your first line should be "I loathe Math" instead of "I loathing math", because the latter makes no grammatical sense.
Easily the biggest problem with rhyming, other than it looking unprofessional, is that you have to use constant copouts so it fits the rhyming pattern. Slumber is a lame word.
This stanza, in particular, is the reason why I don't find this funny. You use generic delivery and a non expressive approach to the subject, and it's all lame. I'm not going to laugh at something that has nothing special about it. I don't see what you're doing that is trying to make this funny. You're just complaining about Math in a very kiddish way. Why should that make the reader laugh?
Ugh. The last line should be "I just grown, "oh no"'. That hurts my eyes reading because it's not correct. Sorry.
When you're saying something, use quotations. Also, I don't quite get this line. Why would you be saying next?
Remove the comma and make that a period mark.
All in all, this brought nothing new to the table. I'm sorry that I wasn't a happy camper about this, so feel free to critique me, but I'm being honest, and I prefer that over sugarcoating.
Keep writing, and stay groovy.
Good review and I will take it to heart and apply the knowledge to the poem when I have time. I am much better at righting novels. One is in the making called Talons of Flame and would love a review on it.
This is real good and funny!!!!!!!!
Thanks.