An evening light is drawing near,
Casting its red light over the snow.
Whales hum their heart felt songs,
In the oceans freezing blue depths.
The sheets of ice rasp and groan,
As summer looms over the arctic.
~
The scarlet crested waves pound,
As they hit the golden beach.
A nightingale’s sharp flute like calls,
Cut through the misty evening air.
Mustangs gallop over the shining sands,
Trumpeting their joy to the last of the light.
~
Rain drums down on the dense canopy,
As lightning flashes and thunder crashes.
A blackbird’s warbling, clarinet like call,
Floats through the evening lit trees.
Mosquitos hover in the damp, steamy air,
Their wings buzzing like a band of violins.
~
A lake’s still surface mirrors the dying sun,
And frogs croak from the reed covered banks.
Crickets start to chirrup and chirp to themselves,
As the night’s shadows slowly creep over the land.
Robins and mocking birds compete for the higher call,
Shooting their shrill songs over the pink waving water.
~
As the sun hits the savanna’s golden plains,
A wind streams through the rustling grasses.
Striped black and white zebra gallop in great herds,
Their powerful hoofs thudding against the dry earth.
A dim dusk slowly sets in across the vast Karoo,
As a lion’s rumbling roar echoes off into the night.
~
Yellow fireflies glow in the oncoming night,
Like the silver stars in the blanket of navy blue.
The vast green pine forests creak in the howling wind,
And an owl’s questioning hoot pierces the evening air.
A wolf howls a lonely song to the rising moon,
As the evenings grand orchestra draws to a close.
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140,191 Literary Works • 673,040 Reviews
Greetings! Holographic is back yet again for yet another review!
Like I've mentioned in one of my earlier reviews, you have such a grand tendency to describe animal sounds as some sort of song or melody. That is absolutely perfect and, from what I'm seeing, is one of your trademarks as a writer.
You describe, yet again, everything so vividly, giving each inst--er, animal their own little spotlight and you don't seem to hesitate on the details; you seem to go full-force right into it, almost as if you were dancing gracefully.
Furthermore, you seem to give the landscape its own spotlight as well, a bit like a stage. But maybe it's a bit like an instrument as well, which is really creative of you.
You even end it kind of somberly and peacefully with the fireflies, the hoot, and the howl. It's a bit like feeling at the center of the universe, really seeing and feeling everything for what could maybe be the first time. Basically peace.
Well done yet again. You've really outdone yourself this time.
~Holographic Ladybug
Here with a review.
I love the imagery that you have created here and you brought it all to life as if I was there and hearing all of these sounds. You had nice description words. Every time you brought an instrument in there like the nightingale's flute or the band of violins. They sent shivers down my spine.
I especially love the ending, the closing sentence specifically. "As the evenings grand orchestra draws to a close." The use of the word grand there gives it a strong kick and much like the orchestra, the poem is also closing and I think it's a good tie right there.
If you want to keep up with the grammatical pattern, you'll need a come after "Clarinet like call." Just so it keeps in rhythm with the coma, period, coma, period thing. You don't want it falling a beat behind.
I have to agree with MergSwords review when it comes to the last two paragraphs. Though there are some hints of music and sound in it, I think you can add in more powerful words for what the win was like or how the gallops sounded. Keep with the flow and pattern of the rest. Make the poem smooth and sing in itself. The last paragraph loses the sounds only to come back in the last sentence.
The poem is great and as a band student, I really loved it. The title is really creative too and it's amazing how much of an orchestra is all around us if we would just shut up and listen. Thank you for capturing that
-NeverNeverLandGirl
Hello Felistia,
This is MergSword here with a review!
Grammar Issues and Other Errors
I found no errors in this poem, and no grammar issues. I don't have a very keen eye, but I doubt there are any errors, so good job!
The Pros of this Poem
I loved the concept, idea, and originality of the poem! I looked at the poem and thought it would be about actual music that people play, such as things actually played at an orchestra, and instead found a beautiful poem about the music of nature.
The Cons of this Poem
It appears that you went off topic in some areas of the poem. Although, I love scenery, you spent a fair amount of your poem about landscape. I do understand that it is to represent the nature in the poem, and introduces setting, but it was something I spied that didn't belong in the pros, or the errors.
My Overall Opinion I really liked this poem. It was very original, creative and represented the relationship between nature and music in a very beautiful way!
~Keep on Writing