Siblings of Canon

Hello! Just thought I’d drop by for a quick review. Please bear with me for just this moment, alright?

First Impressions + What I Liked

I’ll preface this by saying that I’m not all that familiar with the historical/mythological figures you mentioned. But from what I can tell, these are all stories that contain tragedy, murder even, which sets up the expectation of a similar outcome for the speaker.

We breathe together in a house, a battleground, a tomb, a womb,
our actions prophesied. Our fate imminent,
and don't you dare speak to me about dramatics, don't you get it,
we are a tragedy, and there was nothing we had to do
but share the blood we spill. Poets twist, you say,
but what could have been allowed? Dear, what do either of us know
of choices?

It just feels so natural, the run-on sentences and line breaks give the impression of a continuous rant by the speaker. The idea that their choices weren’t really theirs, that their fate is already written and cannot be changed, was beautifully presented here. Conflict is the main driver of a story, after all, and what better way to create conflict, suspense than a betrayal, tragedy? (or a plot twist, as referenced by your line “Poets twist”). The speaker’s nihilism and hopelessness regarding the situation contrasts against “your” hope, choosing to believe that what happened needed to happen for the sake of the story. It feels like “you” truly believes that their story’s happy ending will eventually come, but the speaker doesn’t think so.

Areas for Improvement

Honestly, I have nothing to improve on for this poem. I didn’t really get the various stories in the first part, but that’s entirely on me. Keep up the amazing work!

Overall Thoughts

A wonderful poem that showcases the tragedy and apparent paradox of a familial relationship falling into hate and succumbing to hate while also involuntarily loving each other. Did I say this was a short review? This keeps happening, I keep getting carried away! But anyway, all of what I said is my interpretation, so I hope it makes sense?

Keep writing, and remember to take breaks when needed! Have a nice day/night/somehow it’s sunrise or sunset and you just don’t know??

Cheers,
Horizon

Hello, hello! Ellie here for a quick review Lets get right into it:

Ahhhh, this is so beautiful, seriously! Fist thing I noticed- your immaculate attention to including details and making this intriguing to a reader. I love the font this is written in (which font did you use???). Something about the visual aspect of it is just so lovely.

Romulus writes his city with blood.
Cain stares down at Abel rock in hand. I do not want to be their story,

I adore these opening lines! We got from Romulus (which I assume is referencing Romulus and Remus from Roman mythology) and then Cain and Abel, from the Bible. I am less familiar with Antigone's tomb, but I believe it is Greek. I love how you briefly touch on each of these stories. It was done in a way that feels so natural. You are telling stories, but also describing personal feelings at the same time.

We breathe together in a house, a battleground, a tomb, a womb,
our actions prophesied. Our fate imminent, and don't you dare speak to me about dramatics, don't you get it, we are a tragedy, and there was nothing we had to do
but share the blood we spill.

Wow, what beautiful lines. You are incredibly talented for writing something like this. I love the summary of so many different narratives being brought together. That statement of 'we are a tragedy' really got me.

Poets twist, you say, but what could have been allowed? Dear, what do either of us know
of choices?

Poets twist. That is such a cool line. Love that! I really enjoyed this poem. Probably my favorite I have read this month so far. It gives me this sense of stories and fate and narratives and the mix on voluntary/involuntary in tragedy.

Gorgeous, really gorgeous! Keep writing!

Your friend,
Ellie