Glass Girl

The last three lines are really powerful.

Hi! I came here from reading your comment on my wall saying that you had written a poem similar to mine, so I'm very excited to review this! (I started this draft ages ago and am happy to say that I finally returned to it!)

Glass...I love glass symbolism. I like you used the fragility of glass here and the connotations of related words like "crystal" to use it to communicate the vulnerability of this girl.

She's made of glass

and so are the tears

she cries.

I feel like you could take out the "she cries" so that that line leads easier into the next one.

They're crafted, handmade

by a certain person.

I love this line. It implies at the fact that there's a bullhorn someone else who has been cruel to this poor girl. It draws me more into the poem.

Blown to crystal (you could add a comma here to make this line clearer)

they break

so easily.

This line, while simple, is my second favorite line in the poem. It states the obvious, but in the context of the poem it works so well because the reader sympathizers to the girl more.

She's made of glass

and she can break too.

I like that this flows directly from the last line.

But she's clear--

you can see right through her, (you could change this comma to a period)

ignore her

and look at the girl walking by.

At this point the poem gets a bit confusing for me. It's stating the obvious, but without context, it blurs. Who is the girl walking by? Do you mean another girl?

But she won't break if you hold her gently--

in gentle hands she won't shatter.

This is repeating the same thing twice. You can cut it down by only saying the line once.

Glass girl (add in a comma)

glass tears.

I saw

shards on the ground

yesterday.

That's my favorite line in the poem, right there.

I really enjoyed your poem and reviewing it. Have a nice day/night!

So, this poem is talking about a broken girl, fragile if you will. She's going through a lot, and if you mishandle her, or treat her wrongly, she will break. This is just one out of many interpretations someone could have on this piece. That's what is so interesting about it. This can be seen in so many perspectives. Doing that to an audience takes talent, and you got it! This poem is different... a good different. Poetry is supposed to reflect feelings of someone, whether that be the author, someone made up, or someone you know, this reflects someone.
Poetry is like a mirror that reflects emotions... I know pretty deep lol.

Okay, so I do have some critiques/suggestions for you.

1. The format of the poem is a little all over the place. Whether this was meant to happen or not I just thought that I would point it out. If there is a meaning behind it, totally let these next words blow past you. So, I would suggest messing around with the format. Make the lines more symmetric and stuff along those lines. Obviously, you don't have to take this advice, but I would just say have fun and mess around with it and see what the outcome is. If you don't like it... then don't do it.

2. Punctuation. It's sorta all over the place. I would suggest reading through it out loud and ask yourself the question, "Does this seriously have to be here?" Again just a suggestion.

Okay, somethings I did like.

1. Description. The way you described this girl, I feel like I could sorta feel the pain. That takes some skill. Also I think that the simple description adds a little more personal touch to it. I hope that made sense.

2. The title. I like how this title pulled me into a story about someone who was as fragile as glass. Some people underestimate the power of a title. Personally, I think that that is one of the biggest attractions to a piece. So way yo make it interesting from the very beginning.

Keep writing bro.

~#41

Hey there! Hadj here to review!

Criticism
I really loved this piece, but there are a few things that bothered me:

1) "She's made of glass; and so are the tears; she cries; they're crafted, handmade; made by a certain person; who ruined her life."
I liked your broken, detached lines, but if you're going to stick to proper sentence format (you used punctuation and capitalized your letters), I would recommend avoiding grammatically incorrect or run on sentences. This should either be two sentences, or a semicolon could go between cries and they're crafted. At the very least, a comma. There were a few more cases like this, but I don't need to quote them all.

2)"handmade".."made", "gently".."gentle"
A lot of times you repeated almost identical words only one line apart, this felt repetitive and unnecessary, you might want to go about changing it.

Praise
Really awesome poem. The reader had to think to get everything, which I like
There were lots of connections to various parts of the poem, which made awesome comparisons between the girl and her surroundings. Really awesome work here, I hope to read more from you! ^.^

Great work and keep writing!
~Hadj

This is a thoughtful and simple piece of poetry. I personally prefer rhyming poetry, but this is nice too. I like the metaphor, but I, like Speakerskat, am wondering who fashioned her tears of glass. Maybe the ambiguity of it makes it a bit more romantic.
they're crafted, handmade
made by a certain person
These few stanzas repeat themselves. "Handmade", followed by "made", is a bit redundant. And stating that they were "crafted" and then "made" is again a bit redundant with the verbs. Wow, I wrote that really poorly. Sorry for my bad review.
Okay, otherwise I pretty good. I especially like the last three stanzas, describing the shards. Keep writing.

This is amazing. Lack of time prevents me from being verbose, but I thought you should know.

Wow are you really nine ? That's amazing . I had to review this because it breaks my heart and cuts me deep . It's really emotional and well written and almost made me cry . I feel like the best people are made of glass .... They don't hide anything so you can see right through them but that makes them fragile and easily hurt . Maybe that's my problem . I really really super loves the analogy here with the girl and the glass but I just wish it was a little longer so we knew more about why she was this way . Was it a romantic intrest ? Family ? What broke her in the end ? Sometimes being vague makes a poem even better so that readers can connect more and draw their own conclusions but other times it's better to add imagery and depth . Not saying you should here . Also, just a little bit more about her would help your readers feel more emotionally attached . But it's nothing major and I still felt that this was a very nice piece and , like I said , I really related to it and couldn't have said it better myself . Remember writing poetry is just as important as reading others poetry because inspiration is all around us and there are some talented writers on this site as well as professional ones .

Keep it up
~ Kat :3

Hello wisegirl22, Nunya here for review time! I love this poem a lot but let's get down to business, shall we? First: this is a little bit confusing because your form is a little sloppy. To mend that make the first word of every stanza capital, that's standard English.
Second: it's hard to tell what you're saying is glass. I know it's the girl but the first few stanzas don't make it clear to the reader. Also you don't need to state that she can break really every knows that, so say something like:

"She's made of glass,

She could easily break.

Handle her carefully.

But she's clear-

You can see right through her,

Right at the girl, she's walking on the street."

That might make it a bit easier to understand.
Third: The end is a bit choppy try this maybe:

"Glass girl,

Glass girl with glass tears,

Shards where on the ground

Yesterday."

Anyway hope this helped! Keep writing and NEVER get discouraged.

~Nunyabusiness

Hi! wisegirl22,

it is really a touching poem.A wonderful poem with lyrics and a whole lot of meaning.It is full of emotions.I can see the delicacy of your "GLASS GIRL".
The lines"she is made of glass
and she can break too"
tells us that the girl is very sensitive.She gets hurt quickly if someone speaks rudely with her.if you speak to her with love(this could be the meanin of "Handle her carefully"),she or rather heart and feelings would not break.

This is what i understood from your poem.

It is really wonderful to write such a beautiful poem in so young age!

Keep writing and i will become a fan of your poetry sooooooooooon!!!!!!!!!!

Heyo, friend!

Just Jen popping in for a quick review. Or a long one. Whichever. Anyways, your poem, "Glass Girl", was very intriguing. Personally, I do not think that it applies to all girls, as annemrytle-shi (shi is a polite suffix in Japanese. Read up on it) implied. However, your poem does hold a considerable amount of truth, and all too realistically portrays too many of today's love stories' endings.

For a freestyle poem, your rhythm actually felt quite pleasant at certain points. But this is also where the piece's biggest flaws are revealed. For example, your last lines. The last three lines form a complete sentence: "I saw shards on the ground yesterday." Which is okay, but it feels out of place compared to the rest of this piece. Poets tend to stray from proper sentence structure, and focus on how the words sound together rather than if they are correctly placed. This sudden appearance of a complete simple sentence might sound off to the readers, especially when read aloud. If you were purposefully going for that sort of effect-- a kind of completeness, then I understand, but I will still suggest you look over it again and try to reword it.

Also, I feel like you used the word 'break' too many times. Repetition may serve as a emphasis on a certain theme, but over-usage results in a major no-no. Try to vary up your word choice a bit.

Another thing I want to mention is your diction. As much as I am entertained with your concepts in this poem, I was not particularly impressed by the syntax. In order to keep readers thoroughly engaged in your works, you'll have to incorporate more lively language. For a short poem that was to the point like this one, it's not so bad, but imagine having to sit through an entire story or novel written with elementary-leveled vocabulary. Not very fun or enticing.

Overall, your poem definitely was worth the read, and is truthful, filled with emotion, and reflects these relationships well. Just hone your craft a bit more, and you'll turn out amazing.

Happy writing~~~

BTW, I didn't really understand the line, "blown to crystal". Would you, perchance, mind explaining that bit to me? Thanks

This poem is so short yet it is so meaningful. It describes exactly what it is like to be a girl- fragile, but when held gently and when taken good care of, it is one of the most precious things someone could have.

Girls are sensitive, fragile, emotional - Yes. But we are also understanding, nourturing, loving and sweet.

Yes we're like a glass, but after some time, with proper care and love from someone special, we may develop into something sturdy, a glass that cannot be easily be broken.